Is it appropriate to add my ex to the guest list ?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
724 posts
Busy bee

To me, it’s simple: is a promise to your ex more important than your soon-to-be-husband’s feelings?

Post # 6
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@dressica:  Well, this seems like something you clearly need to talk to your fiance about.  If he’s not going to be happy about it, then it seems obvious.

If it were an ex that you have subsequently established a strong friendship with, emotions are a thing of the past, your fiance knows the guy and is cool with him, then it be a different story.

 

Doesn’t seem worth causing drama with your fiance over it…

 

Post # 7
Member
1343 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@dressica:  I agree with Shaka… if it upsets your FH, I would say no. You could explain to your ex that there are people who just aren’t comfortable with him being there and leave it at that. Or you could also explain to your FH that he’s a part of your past that you can’t forget and you did make a promise to invite him one day, I would stress that he’s in the past and you just like to keep your word. Essentially it’s up to you and the relationships you hold with both of them. 

 

I know with my ex we always said we’d be friends but there is just too much history there to want to even worry about him on my wedding day. However, with another ex, we’re totally just friends and there will never be anything there, so him being there wouldn’t make my FH bat an eye! lol 

Post # 8
Member
7385 posts
Busy Beekeeper

While I don’t think a promise to an ex should trump your FI’s feeling, If you are considerate of his feelings and needs then he needs to be considerate of your feelings and needs. So if honouring this promise is important to you then he should be open to considering your request as well.

Post # 9
Member
1823 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

This should be between you and your FI. If you are good friends with your ex, then I can see wanting him to be there. But if you’re not close then I don’t see any reason to invite him. I just really don’t see how an old promise to an ex could be more important than your FIs feelings

 

Post # 10
Member
7193 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@dressica:  Not if your fiance doesn’t want him there. Your fiance’s feelings come ahead of any promise you made to your ex.

EDIT: I also think you shouldn’t be bound by any promise you made years ago when you were (probably) young and naive.

Post # 11
Member
1343 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@paula1248:  +1 to a promise made to an ex when you were young and naieve 

Post # 12
Member
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

“But I want to invite my ex to come to our wedding because we have promised each other that we want to witness the other’s happiness”

I recall promising this to an ex as well, but I haven’t seen or spoken to him in four years or so, and could care less!

I would go with your FI’s wishes, unless you and your ex and you FI are all friends, but from the sounds of it, they aren’t. Also wouldn’t invite him behind your FI’s back!

Post # 13
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Ummm I think it would be super inappropriate to ask your ex to come, especially since your FI doesn’t like the idea.  Sorry.

Post # 14
Member
1112 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My fiance invited one of his ex’s. I’m all right with it… kinda. I don’t care that he dated her, I actually just really don’t like her. At all. She’s creepy and her boyfriend is even worse. I think I’m going to sit them at a table in the back corner where I don’t have to see them.

Ick just thinking about them makes my skin crawl. They had sex in front of one their friends… and he has little kids that keep walking in on them (she’s only 19, he’s 31). Ick.

Post # 15
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Personally I think it is odd to invite an ex to your wedding, unless your Fi is good friends with your ex then I wouldn’t, and if you think your FI would be cross then surely that would make you think not to invite your ex. I think people may feel awkward also and to be honest would be awkward for your ex. Yes you made a promise but was that just to make things easier at the time of breaking up? Do you need to prove to your ex you are happy? Surely if he knows you are getting married he must assume you are happy. My Fi ex is good friends with his old uni friends and she is part of the group dynamic but she isn’t invited to our wedding it would be way awkward and they never speak even at reunions. I also wouldn’t dream of inviting an ex. 

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