Post # 1
… not to invite someone to your bachelorette who invited you to hers?
PROS: She’s an old friend from high school. She’s invited to the wedding. She’s a fun girl, and I like her a lot.
CONS: We’re not as close as we used to be, and I’m trying to keep my bachelorette list short. She’s never on time for anything. She tends to make activities complicated (canceling last minute, chronically late, making things about “her,” etc). The Dramz usually amuses me, but I’m not sure I can deal with the dramz the week of my wedding.
Would I be a bad person if I didn’t invite her reciprocally? Is it bad etiquette?
Post # 3
I don’t think you have to invite her if you don’t want to.
Post # 5
Life is not reciprocal. If everyone had to extend invitations to those who had invited them, their circle of friends would never change or enlarge. The same people would be going to every event.
Post # 6
Thanks ladies! I feel more confident about my decision to leave her off the list.
Post # 7
Etiquette requires two things of you after someone hosts you to a social event: that you send a note of thanks the next day (colloquially referred to as a “bread and butter letter”); and that sometime within the same season, that you return the invitation to some entertainment of a similar scale. So yes, you ARE supposed to return the invitation somehow. BUT …
Note first that the return invitation is due in the same season: just as with sailors all debts are paid when the ship sails, with etiquette all visiting obligations are cancelled at the end of each season. So unless she was just married this season, you’re in the clear. Second, note that the obligation is for an “entertainment of similar scale”, not “the same entertainment in reverse”. A bachelorette is about equivalent to a night out at the bar. So if you did that or something similar in the season of her own bachelorette, you already paid your dues. Third and most important: a bachelorette is rarely a formal entertainment hosted by the bride. In fact, her friends generally end up going together and hosting *her*. If that is what you did, then REALLY no social debt was incurred. I think you can relax and not worry.