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No, doing your own hair is not rude - especially with all she is asking you to do.
If she wants your hair done a very certain way that you can't do yourself, then she should pay. Ditto on the spray tan and the jewelry.
ETA: I actually can't believe the spray tan bit, that's bordering on making a bridesmaid change her hair colour or cover up a non-offensive tattoo...
No, practice and do it yourself. Especially if she's asking you to spend money on a lot of other things something so small shouldn't be a big deal. Just be honest with her and tell you'll do everything you can to make it look awesome (within your budget).
I don't think it's rude at all and I would totally let you do what you want with your hair. I know some brides are very particular about ALL the details though. Does your friend know about your financial situation? Maybe let her know that you're saving every penny you can and that you really can't afford to pay for the hair. Also, do all the BMs have long hair? Is it possible that one of the others has short and won't have an updo (then maybe you could do your own hair with a half-up and it won't really matter).
I would definitely recommend talking to your friend and just be honest with the financial situation you're in.
wow she's asking a bit much of you, in my opinion. dictating a tan and jewelry purchase goes a bit above and beyond. honestly, if she's requesting you all have a particular hair style (which i also think is a bit ridic), she should pay for the appt herself. sorry, sweety, sounds like you've got a bit of a control freak bride to be on your hands.
the only time i think it is ok to say anything about the bridesmaid's hair style when you aren't paying is to ask them not to wear the same as the bride. to me, that seems fair.
The spray tan bit really irks me. I'm pale by nature, I don't think that a person needs a tan to look good in photos. I would much rather my friends look like THEMSELVES in my photos. Phew...had to get that out. I don't think it's rude to do your own hair.
Are you going to be very far from home for the wedding? I'm sure she would let you have it done at your own salon for cheaper before you get there. If that's not possible because of distance, I don't think it's a problem at all to tell her you can't afford to have it done. She'll either let you do it yourself or pay for you if it's important to her, it's win-win! :)
There are lots of magazines and online tutorials (youtube and such) that you can use to teach yourself or copy if you want to get a little practice in like kala suggested.
Wow she's quite rude a spray tan? Wow. And usually brides buy their party jewelry they want them to wear. She seems very demanding.
Its not rude to say you want to do it yourself.
I asked when I was MOH, she said no, but she's from the middle of nowhere so it was only 25$
I think what you should do is sit down and talk with her and tell her your problem. Tell her that you really want to do everything she asks and you really want her day to be special but that you simply can't afford it. Ask her to pick the most important thing and tell her you will do that one. For example, you will get an up do but do without the jewelry and tanning.
I think when you point it out that way the tanning would be the first thing to go. Also, maybe if you look around online you can find some nice jewelry for half the cost of what she wants you to get!
Have her send you some pictures of what she has in mind and practice. I wanted a complicated updo for my wedding and did not want to have it done (I have curly hair and generally having someone else do it = disaster!), so I practiced a few times and got it exactly right for my wedding day. You can totally do it yourself!
some brides are more uptight than others - i had booked appointments for all my girls (not paying) and then they all huddled around at my shower and said they are going to wear it down and flat iron it - perfectly fine with me - they all have lovely long hair. im doing mine up - the only thing that upsets me is that ill be at my hair appointment all alone - but i'd rather not have them spend more money than they have to. they are all meeting up with me to do makeup at MAC - this is something they were all willing and wanted to spend money on but i would have been ok with them doing their own makeup to - but thats just me :)
It's completely rude of the bride to be telling you you have to spend all that...updos are expensive and if she's insisting on a certain look, she should pay for it. As well as the spray tan. I'm sorry again ridiculous. I'd say no on both counts. Oh and the jewelry, if she has specific jewelry you need to wear that should be part of your gift.
If you decide to/can do it yourself, here's an article i remembered seeing in NY Magazine's wedding guide!
http://nymag.com/weddings/planner/2010/summer/updo-it-yourself/
Martha also had one last year, i would check her website!
http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/photogallery/diy-wedding-updos
there's the martha one!
I don't think it is rude, Ask her if she wants anything in the hair, and practice. If she wants flowers or something it's good to practice with it now so you can make it great the day of. But really I think if she is going to be that specific she should pay for it. I think the spay tan is overboard and if she had a tanning party where everyone was sprayed the night before or something it could save money for the group.
She's asking way too much. If she really wanted those things I think she should at least offer to pay for them. As for up-do maybe talk to her and tell her you cant really afford it and what she had in mind for an up do. If you need ideas for doing your own up do check youtube. They have lots of tutorials for hair/make up.
Could you at least ask her to pay the difference? As in pay you pay the $30 you are used to and she pays the rest?
I definitely think she is asking a bit much. Personally I'd rather have my hair done than have a fake tan (But I hate fake tan, I like my pale porcelain sink). But I say practice and see if you can do it yourself. As long as you mix in with everyone else it souldn't be a problem.
Just be upfront and honest. Say that you really want to help her achieve her vision of the day but that you are finding it difficult finically to keep up. So could you please do your hair yourself?
I never thought it was a big deal when my BM's wanted to do their own. It costs a lot to be in a wedding. I think she'll understand.
I would never be offended if one of my bride maids wanted to do there own hair, especially if I wasn't paying for it to be done. As long you practice I'm sure it will look pretty. Also, I am so pale and would think it was nuts if one of my friends asked me to get a tan for her wedding! Tan people look fantastic and I love their pretty skin, But pale is also beatiful!
I think when you agree to be a bridesmaid you agree to pay for three things: Dress, shoes and hair. Anything above and beyond that the bride should offer to pay for. The jewerly I'm really surprised about... if the bride wants everyone to have the same jewerly then the bride should give it to everyone as their wedding party presents.
Anyway, I don't think you should in any way have to pay for jewelry or the tan. BUT if you are agreeing to do this its perfectly reasonable to say NO to paying for the hairstyle and doing it yourself.
Tell her she has to choose what things she wants the most from you because you don't have an unless supply of money to dump into HER wedding. And if she wants everything then she has to pay for the extras.
@BlueRidgeMere: If she wants you hair done a certain way then she should be paying for it.
I wouldn't try doing it yourself. I'm a stylist and I'm STILL working at doing great up-dos. You can tell when someone did it themselves. That being said. Its VERY rude of her to want you pay for your own hair a particular salon. Call around to the salons in her area and ask what their prices are. Find one that YOU can affored. Believe me, just because she lives in a city doesn't mean you can't find a good, cheaper place to do an up-do. Go to a place like Master Cuts or Regis. The chain salons are usually alot cheaper because they will hire girls just out of beauty school. Don't be afraid though! ALOT of new stylists are very good! Since they are fresh out of school they know what they are doing.
Spray tan and jewelry?!? Ummm thats rude. She doesn't have a prefrence on jewelry right? Like no 14 ct gold stuff, must have diamonds...etc. I would just go to Claires and find a cute necklace and earings and tell her the tan is just a no go.
Good Luck!
She's insisting on a spray tan, but isn't paying for it? Seriously? Man, she's lucky you're being so accomodating because I think that request is way out of line. You're a bridesmaid, not her personal barbie doll. And no, I don't think its at all bad form to tell her you'd prefer to do your own hair. If you're really not a pro, buy a cute wide decorative barette, pull your hair back, twist it up, and clip the barrette into place. Voila, updo!
I would draw the line at the spray tan, come on!!! Thats pretty insulting I think.
I would tell her you simply can't afford it... if she really wants you to have your hair done profesionally that badly, she will offer to pay.
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I'm MOHing for a friend who's getting married this spring, and she's been giving me and her other bridesmaids the details of how she wants us to look. She asked me a few days ago how I wanted to do my hair and offered to book (but not pay for) an appointment at her salon for me. I asked her to check on the salon's prices -- where I come from, you can get your hair styled for around $30, but she lives in a city, and I know some city salons can run $60+. I told her that I'm pretty good at doing a nice half-up-do on myself, but I didn't know if that's what she'd want.
She let me know that she wanted me to have an up-do. I've never really put my hair in an updo on a regular basis, so I'm not that skilled at it, but at this point, I really can't afford to pay that much more -- she's asking me to buy jewelry, and she's said before that she wants me to go get a pro spray-tan for her wedding. I want to accomodate her vision as much as possible, but my own FI and I are so crunched for money right now that we're both looking for second jobs.
Still, I feel like I should have sucked it up and just agreed to let her book me... was it rude of me to ask her to let me do it myself?