Is it disrespectful?

posted 2 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

eebdance:  Is this a sudden change in your husband’s behavior? The whole thing sounds really excessive and just….odd. I mean, not going to work because he didn’t get a bj? Multiple times a day? I’m of the opinion that couples should try to go out of their way to please each other, but this doesn’t sound like it’s about intimacy, it sounds like it’s about control. Have you considered couple’s therapy?

Post # 3
Member
405 posts
Helper bee

I think he might have an addiction (it’s causing relationship problems, affecting work, etc.).  Anyways, yes it is disrespectful and completely wrong.  Being his wife does not make you his sex slave.  Sex in marriage is something that should be benefiting and satisfying both partners.  And, you always have the right to say no without him putting pressure on you or throwing a temper tantrum and “skipping” work.  I highly reccommend counselling for both of you individually and couples’ counselling.  

Post # 4
Member
285 posts
Helper bee

His behaviour seems out of the ordinary and I would find it disrespectful.  I don’t think you should feel obligated to do anything that you don’t want to do.  It is not your duty just to please him!  You are a lot of things other than his wife.  How about he goes down on you every time you go down on him – ha!

Post # 5
Member
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I am so creeped out by this. 

If my boyfriend wanted or demanded a blowjob once a day let alone multiple times a day he would be shit out of luck. 

Yes, it is disrespectful. Very. He is treating you like a whore, or a dominant/submissive relationship which it sounds like you aren’t really consenting to. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Lavender28.
Post # 7
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

eebdance:  Even if you can’t get him to go, I think you should defininately continue therapy on your own so you have a safe place to discuss this. A therapist might be able to help you set boundaries with him. You have every right to tell him no. Like I said in my pp, this doesn’t sound like it’s about intimacy. There is definately something else going on. Are there any other odd behaviors along with this? Has he been watching a lot of porn? Sometimes men who get addicted to porn can’t perform normally with their partners.

Post # 9
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN

eebdance:  I have heard of many things that can make someone change their behavior suddenly. When was the last time he had a head to toe checkup?

Post # 10
Member
4043 posts
Honey bee

His behavior and demands sound very manipulative. Pressuring you to do it or he won’t go to work, that’s ridiculous. But requiring you to do it before he gives you money? That’s controlling and manipulative. Do you work or do you depend on his income? Either way, it is ridiculous, but if you don’t work, he is using sex to control you. That could be considered or lead to abuse. 

As other PPs have mentioned, counseling is something you should both be participating in. He may not like it, but you won’t be happy and your relationship may not last if you don’t address it. 

Has he ever shown any other kind of controlling behavior before? Like discouraging you from seeing friends/family? Encouraging you to quit your job or stay at home/have no income? Only participate in hobbies/activities that he is involved in?

Post # 11
Member
65 posts
Worker bee

eebdance:  he could be trying to compensate for problems in this area. He should probably see a medical doctor to rule out any physical problems first. Then see where the anxiety or whatever is coming from, is he taking other meds etc. Ie, try to solve HIS personal problem before dealing with it as an interpersonal problem. 

Post # 12
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

eebdance:  Continue to go to therapy with or without him. Set limits with him. You are not obligated to provide him with daily bjs. If he doesn’t go to work, that is on him. Maybe losing his job will open his eyes to how OTT his behavior is. Being his wife does not make you a sex toy.

I have to wonder if he hasn’t developed a porn addiction. It sure sounds like it from what you are describing. Do you have supportive people in your life that you can turn to if you need to get away for a time? I really hope it doesn’t come to that, but you may need some support depending on how he reacts to you setting limits with him. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Bridey77.
Post # 15
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

eebdance:  

Your husband is being sexually abusive. 

Before I was married, I was with a very manipulative man who didn’t care whether or not I enjoyed sex. He would call me names if I didn’t want to have sex with him. He also continually badgered me for sex and pressured me for anal all the time. 

Forcing you to exchange sex for money is all kinds of sick. I know it is hard to walk away but staying in an abusive marriage will only worsen your self esteem. Maybe you can ask for a separation and refuse to get back together unless your husband goes to counseling. Set boundaries against any kind of abusive or manipulative behavior. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  amiona.
Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors