Weddingbee boards

i am close minded about things that will hurt you - like drugs abuse etc. i have opinions about that that will never change.

i feel ike any illegal drug is just that - illegal. no ifs ands or butts. end of story. its not okay. and its also not ok to abuse perscription drugs.

idont care what justification people use, but that stuff hurts people. even if its just the user (which is rare)

but i think that when it comes to things like a difference of opinion or somethign that might be based on someones religion or values, then im not one to argue with them on that - i dont judge when it comes to that because i have my own values and religious beliefs.

with the example that you gave though - that automatically saying anyone that disagrees with pro-gay stance is wrong, wellllllll i think thats wrong, but its your right to think that way.

youre kinda just being as close minded as the anti-gay folks if you ask me.

but no one said that everyone has to agree - but there should be a level of tolerance though.

I agree with lilyfaith when she says that we are all closed minded about something or other. I'd say that most people have really strong opinions either for or against something, and like you said cbgg, they think that others are wrong. It doesn't necessarily mean it's true, it just means that to them it's the only right answer, and the only one that makes sense.

I think it is ok to be closed-minded about some things. I do not think it is ok to insult, criticize, bash, slander, etc. another party with a differing viewpoint. There is a way to communicate differences without belittleing and being cruel.

I am against gay marriage. I am conservative and a Christian and it is just not in line with my values to support it. (Hopefully I will still be able to log on to Weddingbee tomorrow! LOL! ok just kidding :P) I do not bash gay people & I would NEVER EVER hold up a sign that says something as ludicrous, insulting and just plain WRONG as "God hates fags". That is HORRIBLE and unfortunately paints all Christians & conservatives in a VERY bad light.

Anywho, just wanted to respond to this and thanks for the opportunity to express our opinions in your thread :)

What an interesting question.

I really value open-mindedness. I view it as a patiently exercised humility---a willingness to engage with ideas regardless of whether I agree with them and regardless of whether I have already formed an opinion. I do not think of it as being wishy-washy or noncommital. Whatever new evidence I gain from a conversation will either strengthen or weaken my ideas, and while it's easy to seek out ideas that support your opinion, part of the humility component for me is allowing my opinions to be weakened by new evidence, allowing my mind to be changed if that is so warranted. Ultimately I see open-mindedness as a tool to refine my opinions as purely as possible. 

Sometimes though it is hard to keep yourself open-minded, like when you feel like you have heard all the arguments and don't want to hear any more or when your emotions are so strong that you can't hear all the arguments even if you want to. When that happens to me I have to take a break from the situation and disengage. I think everyone has to do that sometimes, but that there is real value to getting back on the horse, as it were, instead of making up your mind once and for all, regardless of whatever else might occur. So I think of close-mindedness as a necessary state, but of open-mindedness as a valuable choice to make when at all possible.

I agree. I also think a lot of times, close mindedness comes from people just not wanting to stop and listen. Sure, I have my own beliefs, but I'll stop and listen to what you have to say before politely disagreeing. Who knows, maybe I'd learn a thing or two! :)

Another thought: how or whether should we be open-minded with seemingly "close-minded" people or ideas?

To answer my own question, I think the degree of engagement one can expect depends on where you are in the decision-making process. If you do not know much about a situation, then I think it is valuable to learn as much as you can about both arguments and to be open-minded about which will sway you---versus never seeking out any more information while insisting you are right, or going in with a preconceived notion and looking only for information which will support your preconceptions, or viewing all information you do receive through a preconceived lens.

But maybe you have been open-minded and you have looked at the evidence and made up your mind. It is not then close-minded to refuse to immediately re-examine evidence you have already processed---you can be open-mindedly waiting for new information, even if you think the odds of it arriving are somewhat on par with those for pigs flying---this attitude looks like close-mindedness but is really just open-minded resolution waiting for more information.

A trap though is thinking that these issues are stationary targets---that you can consider all sides of an issue once and then be done with it forever. I think it's important to occasionally take out your dearest-held beliefs and to examine them for what they are worth. Most of us here are quite young, in our 20s and 30s; our opinions aren't that old yet. In another 20 or 30 years, when our children are grown and/or getting married, will our ideas look as backward to them as some of the ideas of our parents' and grandparents' generation look to us? I think the only way to ensure that they do not is to make sure that we don't get caught thinking we have all the final answers.

And I totally agree with everyone that open- or close- or any-minded, respectful behavior is paramount. :)

@arachna - drugs are illegal - anything that is illegal that people willingly do that hurts others like that - i cannot accept.

religion is not illegal it is your personal belief. while you might not agree with it, its your right to believe what you want.

thats the difference.

@lilyfaith - i see what you are saying - and i think thats the exact point of this post. that what i am close minded about others may not be.

just like views on gay marriage or abortion rights or anything. that was my example of what im close minded about.

mind you i am probably swayed into my position because of my profession because i HAVE to see things in black and white when it comes to illegal things - i dont have a choice to be "okay" with things that will get you arrested. 

i think people can be as close minded about any subject as they want, as long as they treat other people with respect and allow them to make the choice about their own lives i guess its okay.

i mean even as an interracial couple, FH and i have met people who arent that stoked about our relationship - but they arent holding us hostage because they dont want it to happen. its our lives and they recognize that they dont have control over that.

its allll about respect and tolerance. only you and God truly know whats in your heart.

I think it's ok if you don't let people know you're closed minded :) If you keep your opinions to yourself and don't allow them to hurt/offend others there is no problem :)

@Rosiebear- I agree with everything you've said except I know women who use abortion as a sort of birth control i.e. having six because their partners didn't want use a condom. I don't know what should be done about it, but it happens. I'm pro-choice as well.

@teaserama - i think the issue with the churches is that they dont see marriage as a "civil right" its a sacrement to them, hence why they HAVE to be against it - i forget the word (sorry all my psych grad classes were a LONG time ago) but its like you cant accept something that you are morally against because its ingraned in your self identity - kinda like how people should have ideas not beliefs because its easier to change an idea but a belief is part of you?

thats what i always thought the difference and the head butting was with the churches. thats why they tried to change the wording to "gay unions" or "civil unions" to get them to understand its less about what is acceptable in church but more about what is acceptable in society and giving them civil rights etc.???

also i have heard arguments from reverends that if they legalize gay marriage it will force the church to perform these marriages, which i dont think is true but thats what ive heard as an argument.

but you are completely right, even now the church doesnt HAVE to marry people if they dont want to - they are within their rights to discrimintate how they see fit - so why would this be any different - why not grant the civil right for marriage and let churches sort it out ontheir own.