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It would have to be absolutely awful, like honestly horrible for me to do that. I really don't like that one of her main reasons was where it was from, I think thats a little overboard. I think that in this time period, it shouldn't be as much of an issue anymore though, engagement is more of a decision than anything else so I think brides have the choice to hint around at the kind of ring they prefer (or pick it themselves like I did)
@kingytobe:Yeah.. She didn't hint at all. In fact I don't know if she had really even thought much into marriage when he asked her, and all of a sudden what he got wasn't good enough. The whole thing bothers my boyfriend quite a lot, and I think it was really selfish of her to spoil something that he had intended wholly from the heart. Her husband could've afforded nicer but he's not an extravagant guy. He spends money on trips to Europe, not fancy digs...
Who really looks at an engagement ring besides the woman wearing it?
Honestly, I was at the airport and complimented a woman on her ring. She said, "Oh, my husband picked it out." When he came over she said "honey, she likes the ring you bought me."
I have never heard anyone so unhappy about their ring! (And the guy seemed to have no idea.)
I felt TERRIBLE for bringing it up. She should have returned it.
OMG I feel so bad for her FI that must have hurt his feelings so bad, the only way that would ever be ok was if the guy was ok with it, the only way I see getting around that would be during the wedding band search if its hard to find a band to match. even if you dont love the look of it a first it could grown on you after time and its the meaning behind it that matters plus you dont have to wear it everyday once you have your wedding band. I say suck it up for the sake of your FH's feelings
@miss sparkly cat:yeah she didn't give it a week on her finger before she already had something else being made. I have been very specific about what I like and dislike because I'm not going to do that!
thats why I am big fan of helping the guy by giving hints I know its not the most romantic way of going about it but that way everyone is happy in the end, I am curious he never even asked her friends about her taste in jewelry or anything?
In my mind; the band was not comfortable, that's enough reason to get a new band. She kept the stone, I think that's got to count for something.
@miss sparkly cat:Sometimes the guy doesn't allow for "hints" or ignores them.
This is a problem for both people and your sister should have ABSOLUTELY talked to her fiance before getting everything changed. Feelings would be hurt in both directions, but a *talk* was really needed.
@futuremrshc: thats fine if she had made an effort to get used to it for more then a few days and could have been nicer about it her FI has feelings too I dont blame people that want to change their ring for reasons like that but you have to go about it the right way
@miss sparkly cat:he never asked anyone. But my sister is weird. She's hard to predict in that way and personally I didn't foresee her behaving this way.
@futuremrshc:Agreed. It's better than scrapping the whole thing altogether!
@miss sparkly cat:they've been married for two years, now. I never see them, as we live at polar ends of the country, so I don't know if it has brought any long-term damage
I think she should talk to her FI about the whole thing. I wouldn't want to wear what I deemed to be an ugly ring for the rest of my life. But I also wouldn't want my FI to think his efforts were useless. If she talked to her FI and was grateful for the ring, and told him she was thankful he tried so hard... but didn't quite get it, I would say it's fine. But if she made him feel awful about it by not thanking him, then she should have gone about it the wrong way.
I understand guys get their egos hurt a lot though. My FI bought me som Ray Bans for my birthday. But they were totally ugly and purple. I wanted WayFarers. He was extremely bummed. I told him, "Babe, I know you picked this out, and I know you tried really hard... but I just don't want purple Ray Bans. You spent so much money on this, maybe we should trade them for something I will love". He hung his head for a day or so, but I love my new Ray Bans and his purchase can now be enjoyed! :)
@kperry3: thats the right way to go about it I know not all guys think the same way but alot of guys feel this is the most important purchase ever and spend along time on it they should feel like all of their hard work means something even if its not what you would have wanted
i would like to believe he knows how picky i am and not be so silly as to try to make that big of a purchase without help. however, things happen.
i agree with the other girls that since it is uncomfortable, it is ok, but her other two reasons are very shallow. what else is she going to be unhappy with in their potential marriage due to superficial reasons? part of me thinks the "uncomfortable" reason was just a way to justify it.
not trying to say anything bad about her, sorry if it feels that way, but her actions seem extremely shallow
I took back my engagement ring and everything turned out fine. There were different circumstances (original e-ring, which he picked out and I loved, broke and fiance purchased another one that I absolutely hated). He gave me the new ring and I cried- not in a good way! After an hour or so of me trying to act like it was alright, we took it back that same night and exchanged it for something else. I don't feel shallow about this and my husband is happy that I am happy! All will turn out fine for your sister, I'm sure.
I think it's ok to try and trade the ring to something you really love if you A: really really do hate the ring you got, and B: approach the topic in a delicate way. Maybe if she were to emphasize the uncomfortable band aspect, and the fact that the setting keeps getting caught on things with something like, "it's really beautiful, and I love how thoughtful it was, but it just isn't practical for me. Would you mind if we maybe went and looked at some styles that might suit my lifestyle better?" However, I feel like being "underwhelmed" by the size of a diamond is never a reason to ask to go back to the jeweler. Even implying wanting a bigger stone (or really anything that isn't comparably priced) just seems bratty and ungrateful. I actually want a small stone oddly enough. lol.
When I first saw my ring, I totally loved it, but my dude kept telling me "I know you don't like it, we should go get the one you like, plus it's from Jcpenney and I know you want something that'll make me go bankrupt" ....since he insisted, we had to postponed the wedding since all the money went to the ring...JK.... I kept the Jcpenney ring! ITS SOO CUTE! And I ABSOLUTELY LOVE that he chose it! It reminds me of him everytime I see it :) Wouldn't change it for nothing!
Girl, I took mine back! The funny thing is he ASKED me to send him pics of differnt rings I liked-- I did. (antique-y halo of various shapes and sizes.) Then several moths later he popped the question and gave me a very modern, high-profile one-stone ring. Of course, I oohed and ahhed and made a big deal of it. As I wore it, I noticed it caught on things because it was so tall. He told me that on an impulse he just went out and decided tto get me a ring. He told the saleslady what he wanted to spend, and she gave him several options and he picked one! Then one day (about a week later) I asked him what HE thought of it-- did he really like it? He said, "Sure, it's pretty." So, then I said, "Would you be offended if I maybe traded it on for one more my style?" And he said "Sweetie, you have to wear it-- go for it!" I did, and the kicker is that it was 60% off and waaaay cheaper than the original. I LOVE it! I say, go for it! You will wear it for the rest of your life so why suffer?
My SO would be understanding, but I'm too sentimental...I think I'd really want the original ring that was part of the proposal!
I could see not liking a ring because of the band being too high and getting caught on something, that would be a good reson to change the band. I think it's selfish to hate a ring just because she feels the stone is too small is just selfish. Her FI loves her and picked out a ring for her so it would be really sad to hurt his feelings over the size of the rock. I think she should learn to love it and maybe upgrade on an anniversary.
i voted yes and only because your e-ring is only a symbol of the commitment youre making it doesnt reflect the love you have for one another... but it does effect your daily life since this is a ring that will be worn every single day on your hand and you should be happy and proud of it. But before making any changes always discuss it with your FI first
Side Note: It truly annoys me when people say its superficial to want a bigger diamond because honestly everyone likes what they like and you cant fault someone for that... its like hair... some people like long hair and some like short you cant fault someone for one or the other so to say someone is superficial for wanting a bigger stone is very judgemental there could be many reasons why she wants a bigger diamond and if the reason is to only "impress" people then so what thats between her and her FI and not for any of us to judge
I vote to change it but after some times has passed and into a bridal set of some sort- I feel very bad for her fiance.
I'm in the position of pretty much hating my e-ring. The one redeeming factor is the stone - it's my great grandmother's and smallish. FI apparently thought it looked TOO small and got a halo. I hate halos. I told him the original ring my GG had was too tall and gaudy (a .5 carat solitaire.) The one he got was even taller (and it catches on stuff all the time.)
I think he only recently got my theory on jewelry. He got me an 18k gold and emerald necklace. His cat ate half the chain when FI left the bathroom door open one night. We went in to the place he bought it to see about getting the chain replaced. The cheapest chain was over $180. I said that I can't afford to spend that much on jewelry if our cat is gonna eat it. His face fell so much. He spent more than twice on my ring than any of the rings I LIKED cost, and that's before the center stone was incorporated.
I won't try to get the ring replaced until I'm pregnant or some significant anniversary. Then maybe, I can get the little, delicate tsavorite ring I wanted.
Yeah my ring would have to be really FUGLY to hurt my FI by replacing it. I know how much thought and love he had when buying it and it won't be worth replacing just because it didn't suit my style.
Luckily he did a great job cause I LOVE mine! But I agree with armychica06: she should have just give it a fair trial and then change it into something practical like a bridal set.
@LittleDee27:really good input! It seems like you approached the situation in a really positive manner. I want a ring so badly but even if it was ugly I don't know if I could hurt my man like that!!!
@cyneswith:getting a ring you hate is the worst thing imaginable. We may feel selfish dropping hints but we picked our men from the masses because they're special. A ring shoul be, too!
I voted for change yet ONLY if it's okay with the SO and it won't hurt his feelings or make him feel bad. I think that's why it's good for couples to go ring shopping in my opinion. I'm very picky, not materialistic, but picky. So I was glad to be able to go ring shopping with my SO. It makes things easier. To be honest I was terribly afraid of receiving a ring that I don't like.
I think my husband would have been way too hurt...and I couldn't do that to him. It's one thing if he brought it up, but even if it was the worst ring in the world, I don't know that I could bring myself to hurt his feelings like that. He spent so much time picking out my ring...and I love that he took such care in it.
Lucky for me, he asked me my opinion beforehand and took my SIL with him. I absolutely love my ring, but I wouldn't change it if I didn't like it b/c I don't think he would be ok with it.
Her experience and behaviour leaves me nervous, feeling as there is little room for error and that I have to express my opinion wholly a hundred million times beforehand. Yeah. My pressure gauge is leakin and I'm about to explode. But yesterday I made the commitment not to say anything anymore. To go on merrily and vent my frustrations to those who are in a similar predicament. And I'm already happier, calmer, and totally obsessed with this website.
I think it depends on the situation, I personally have never asked to return anything that was a gift from my guy (past or present). My late husband bought me a bracelet once I wasn't a fan of, and I kept my mouth shut...even when he asked if I wanted to return it! I figured he picked it out, and that's better than pointing and saying 'Buy me that' LOL. FYI, a few months later the bracelet fell off my wrist and I was CRUSHED for 2 days until I found it, unharmed, in our apartment. I guess I really did love it, and I still have it almost 10 years later!!
On a similar note, my friend asked her husband VERY SPECIFICALLY for a princess cut solitaire engagement ring in white gold. He bought her a round diamond with lots of side stones set in platinum, which must have cost him a small fortune!! She loved it, and never said a word, but it wasn't even close to what she wanted and I think if given the choice she would probably have taken the solitaire.
This time, I picked my own ring, did the research and actually did show my guy and say 'Buy me that', but only after he told me he was clueless and WANTED me to pick something out on my own.
this is tough. I can see both sides of the argument.
On the one hand, it shouldn't even matter what the ring looks like because its about the symbolism and the man you love picked it out for you.
but honestly, if it was uncomfortable to wear like you said, then I think its ok to change it.
I mean you have to wear it every day, so if it hurts then that won't really work, right?
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So my seestah got engaged and was unhappy with multiple facets regarding her ring... she hated where it came from (commercial jeweler), the setting (she said it stuck up too high and that the band was uncomfortable), and was underwhelmed by the size of the rock. So she did what I don't think I could ever do. She told her FI that she wanted a different ring... he had a problem with this, as he had spent a pretty long time as a nervous wreck before he asked her. So she got a different band that she designed and I don't think she ended up getting a different center stone. I disapprove. What about you?