Is it fair/reasonable to ask college-aged sisters to be Maids of Honor?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I think it would only be fair to ask them if you had ZERO expectations for them to do anything but just show up. I think if you expect them to be very involved it may just be stressful for them and disappointing for you. 

Post # 4
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My MOH graduated from college the weekend before my wedding. Granted, she is my best friend and not my family member, but she was really excited to do everything.

Post # 5
Member
6928 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

My MOH was in her last semester of college during my wedding. It wasn’t ideal since she was far away, as I had graduated the year before, but she was awesome! I will admit, my expectations were not very high though since I didn’t want anything fancy or super formal.

I guess it depends on what your expectations of them would be and how you would communicate this to them? Also, how much are you willing to have a hand in some of the planning? I helped a little bit as far as choosing a good location to have the shower since she was four hours away.

Post # 6
Member
2111 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’m not a MOH or a BM in a good friend’s wedding. I’m not mad about it either, the women she picked she’s known for a very long time and we just met last year, but have gotten very close. She’s in a similar situation to you where her girls are unable to plan the parties, so she asked if a friend and I would be willing to. We were thrilled. It was a way to be involved and help make her day special, something I’m happy to do. Do you have any good friends who couldn’t be in your bridal party who may be willing to do something?

Post # 7
Member
2111 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’m not a MOH or a BM in a good friend’s wedding. I’m not mad about it either, the women she picked she’s known for a very long time and we just met last year, but have gotten very close. She’s in a similar situation to you where her girls are unable to plan the parties, so she asked if a friend and I would be willing to. We were thrilled. It was a way to be involved and help make her day special, something I’m happy to do. Do you have any good friends who couldn’t be in your bridal party who may be willing to do something?

Post # 8
Member
7197 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@princesslettuce14:  Of course you should ask them! But no one should have onerous responsibilities, whether or not they are in college. If all you are asking is planning a bridal shower and bachelorette, I don’t see a problem.

My best friend was MOH (for someone else) during her final year of a very intense university course. She did fine. But then, the bachelorette (hens’ night as we call it here) was a single night out.

At the very least you should ask them, while explaining what you hope they’ll do. I’d be pretty annoyed if I was later told, “I was going to ask you but decided you’d be too busy”. Let them decide if they’re too busy.

Post # 10
Member
1169 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I was my sister’s MOH when I was going to grad school full time and not working. My parents paid for my contributions to the wedding as I had no money. I planned the events with the help of other BMs, who were happy to help out. It worked out just fine! 

Post # 11
Member
6869 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Showers and B-parties are properly at the  option and discretion of the attendants , not the other way around. I agree with a pp that no BM should be given onerous responsibilities.  Personally, I would never expect anything other than covering transportion costs, attending rehearsal, if possible, and purchasing a reasonably priced dress.  

Having my sisters stand up for me would be a lot more important than anything else.  

Post # 12
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I was my sister’s MOH when I was 19.  It worked out fine from my perspective, but in all reality I didn’t do the things that an MOH typically does.  My mom bought my dress, I worked with my mom on the bridal shower, the other bridesmaids organized her bachelorette party and i just attended a small portion of it. I held her bouquet and gave a toast at the reception.  

I think if you let your younger sisters do what they are capable of and delegate support to fill in the gaps, you’ll be fine.  If you’re looking for someone to give loads of responsibilities to – look elsewhere.

Post # 13
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Every single one of my bridesmaids and MOH is in high school or college. I never even thought twice about it. I don’t see any issues. I’m in college as well and have been in serval weddings. 

Post # 15
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@princesslettuce14:  When I was in high school my parents paid, in college I paid. Typically I paid $50-100 for the dress, $20-50 for the shower and I could never go to the bachelorette parties as I’m still not 21. Those were the only expenses, I always did my own hair and make up. These are the same expectations I have for my girls, $50-100 for dress, like $25 for shower, and they are planning to split a limo for the bachlorette party (probably $20 each). I think you should be fine!

Post # 16
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My youngest will be my MOH (she will be 16 then).

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