Is it healthy or not healthy to have fights with your SO/DH/FI?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Is it ok to fight?
    Nope. Never fight. Never/rarely disagree. : (11 votes)
    3 %
    Never fight, but we disagree occassionally : (46 votes)
    12 %
    We've had a few fights and we disagree on things : (103 votes)
    26 %
    We fight. We disagree. It's life. : (119 votes)
    30 %
    I don't think its a good sign when people fight even occasionally. : (19 votes)
    5 %
    I don't think its a good sign when people don't fight. : (94 votes)
    24 %
    Other (explain) : (8 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    1076 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010


    I think that a big part of “fighting” comes down to personality types.

    If you are naturally not very opinionated and go with the flow and you are with someone who is the same way, chances are you won’t fight often.
    On the other hand, if you are assertive and have strong opinions on how things should be, you will fight considerably more if you are with someone who is the same.
    I think most relationships have one person who is more assertive and one who is more laid back and has the occasional fight. I believe that as long as no one s being hurt and the fights are productive, as in you both learn and grow from them, fighting isn’t a big issue. 

    Post # 4
    42157 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think it depends on your definition of “fight”. Couples can disagree/argue respectfully without fighting.

    Definition from Webster:


    verb ˈfīt

    : to use weapons or physical force to try to hurt someone, to defeat an enemy, etc. : to struggle in battle or physical combat

    : to be involved in (a battle, struggle, etc.)

    : to argue in an angry way


    I don’t think any of these are healthy and are unlikely to be productive.

    Post # 5
    196 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @the_newlymintedmrs-s17:  When you say “fights” are you referring to physical fighting? Because, imo that is never healthy for a relationship! Its one thing to toss a pillow at your FH or for him to slam a door, but if you get to the point where you are pushing, shoving, grabbing, hitting, etc, one another- that’s not healthy and it only gets worst from there (trust me)…

    However, if you mean arguing, then sure! Arguing is normal for anyone that lives together- parents, siblings, roomates, and spouses! But degrading one another, calling each other out of their names, and saying things “below the belt” just doesn’t demonstrate love. I don’t care how many times my husband apologzes after calling be a b****, if he really loved me, those words would never leave his mouth, and vice versa. (Btw, my hubby has never called me that, just using it as an example. )

    So, that’s basically where I stand on the matter. 🙂

    Post # 6
    4513 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I definitely think its normal and healthy.

    My FI and I bicker a lot and have little spats. We never really have big fights though… ever. I mean we’ve literally had one in 12 years. But we are both pretty laid back and don’t overreact over stuff that really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. I don’t think we’re unhealthy because of this, because its not like we are ‘yes people’ that just agree to everything and never have a disagreement. We just don’t blow up disagreements into fights. But if you never, ever disagree over anything? That is just weird, to me.

    I guess I think its unhealthy to never ever disagree, just as its unhealthy to fight ALL the time. Fighting is normal, but it shouldn’t be constant. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship where we ever called each other names (not like playful teasing names, but like if he called me a bitch or something along those lines) or hit below the belt. I don’t envy people that fight like that.

    Post # 7
    1494 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    What do you mean by fighting? like screaming?

    I guess DH and i just dissagree.

    Post # 8
    715 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2013


    Call me the worlds biggest skeptic, but I cannot imagine a marriage/partnership where two people agree all the time and on EVERYTHING. I am always strongly suspect of those couples who tout to the world “they never argue/fight/disagree.” I always silently think “uh-huh sure. So which one of you is completely mired in silent torment?” Because I think it depicts that one of them isn’t expressing an opinion, or stays mum to keep the peace.

    all that said, I also don’t think it’s healthy or productive to be screaming at each other…and that’s what I think of when I hear “fight.”

    a lively debate, conversation, or a bit of a boisterous volley once in awhile, I believe, is healthy and to be expected in marriage and all relationships. 


    Post # 10
    582 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    To me, it’s more important HOW you fight. 

    IMO inevitably you’re gonig to disagree, and personally I think it’s healthy to have a relationship where you can express your feelings/thoughts honestly.  If you aren’t disagreeing ever, then one person is probably a doormat that the other walks all over.

    Post # 11
    1428 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rosehill Community Center

    We’ve had minor disagreements, but nothing big and nothing that we raise our voices about.  I think part of it is we’re both pretty laid back people with long fuses, and we both are peace makers.  We’d rather discuss something than shout about it.  

    Also a lot of our “arguments” are ridiculously stupid, as in not relevant to the real world.  It’s just fun to chat about random stuff, and hear his viewpoint!

    Post # 12
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Healthy fighting “I am angry and here is why” “I feel uset when the dishes are left in the sink for me to was after my 18 hour shift” is good!


    Post # 13
    4072 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    @BrandNewBride:  Yes to this.

    Fighting in the sense of putting each other down and throwing a fit? Not good. Fighting in the sense of rationally expressing your issues? Good!

    Some people are also screamers, and that can be okay as long as it doesn’t get abusive. Some people simply have that personality, and it can work in some relationships, but not all.

    Post # 14
    8678 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    We disagree sometimes. We never full on “fight.” We do not yell or raise our voices, we do not “hit below the belt” so to speak, we do not speak hurtfully/hatefully or use other incidents/personality flaws to gain leverage.

    We both end up agreeing to disagree. Disagreements happen, it’s just how things are. I don’t think it’s healthy or unhealthy to disagree, it’s just how things work out. 

    Post # 15
    221 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    If people say they never get into arguments with their SO then they are either A) lying or B) a people pleaser


    no two people can agree on everything, at the same time, forever!


    i do think that when the fighting becomes too much, when the bad times are outweighing the good that is when it’s time to let go of a relationship. Marriage, you work it out.

    Post # 16
    221 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014




    HAHAH! I think over the years I’ve said both of those exact phrases

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