Is it impossible to make new friends when you're not single?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Is it easy for you to make new friends now that you're in a serious relationship?
    Yes, he and I go out and make new friends together : (12 votes)
    10 %
    Yes, I meet new friends through things I do on my own : (53 votes)
    45 %
    No, I stick more to my current friends and my FI/DH/BF : (53 votes)
    45 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    194 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    I don’t really have any advice, but I feel the same way! It’s much harder after college to meet people. My FH and I go out with people, but rarely alone. I miss having that close-knit group of girls who hung out all the time. I’m glad I’m not alone on this!

    Post # 4
    Member
    1243 posts
    Bumble bee

    We have made lots of new friends. First, pretty much all of his friends (and their partners) have become mine as well. I also do volunteer work and sports. We do things apart from each other regularly (last night I went on a pub crawl and he stayed home). We invite people we would like to know better over for dinner. It is possible, and it’s healthier to have rewarding friendships and social lives outside of each other.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3222 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    @PromiseRooster:  I’ve been in my relationship for a very long time, so our friends group is entirely the same. However, both my FH and I find it difficult to make NEW friends because that person basically needs to become friends with both of us for the friendship to last. I started a professional program last year and noticed that everyone that was in a serious relationship/married struggled to connect with others. Meanwhile, I find that all the single people have forged really deep bonds because they’ll grab dinner or go out for drinks 4-5 times a week.

    While I don’t mind grabbing drinks a couple of times a week, I certainly don’t want to spend all of my free time with people beside my FH, and for that reason, I’ve developed a serious case of FOMO (fear of missing out). When you’re partnered, you become a social unit without even realizing it. I find the easiest way of socializing now outside of our core friends circle is to have friends who are coupled. Any new friendship that I’ve developed in the past couple of years has been with someone who is also partnered because it makes it so much easier to relate.

    The worst thing is to have a bunch of your single friends get super annoyed with you because you want to spend Friday night grabbing dinner with your FH rather than hanging with them. There’s a reason why people tend to “settle down” once they’re in a relationship, and that settling down isn’t conducive to making new friends. 

    I’d go to a gym WITHOUT your FH, and hit up the same classes every week. You’re bound to make some new friends there. If you go with your FH, I doubt you’ll make many connections with others. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    273 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    @PromiseRooster:  I am in the same boat as you, so you are not alone. I moved to my current location 4 years ago. I left all my friends when I moved to FI’s state. Since we didn’t see each other all the time anymore we all sort of grew apart after a few years. I have had so much trouble finding new friends here. I tried making friends with FI’s friends SO’s, but they are SOOO much different than me and we didn’t really click. My coworkers are either older than me or WAY younger than me, and really none of them are people I would talk to outside of work. I have tried doing other things to make friends, but they all backfired.

    I feel like such a loser, but I feel like everyone I meet is either older/younger than me and doesn’t want to be friends outside of where we usually see each other. I have never had trouble making friends so this is especially hard for me. Don’t get me wrong I am happy just spending the night with FI watching a movie, but I really miss having those girls nights and having someone to talk to when I need to vent. So now i’m wondering if I will ever make new friends here.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2783 posts
    Sugar bee

    @PromiseRooster:  I make lots of friends in school and we mfriends friends together by doin local adult soccer leagues and stuff like that. I also make friends with other moms at the park.

    Post # 10
    Member
    6 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I feel the same way you do sometimes as well!! I moved to NY 3 years ago to be with my now husband, and I still don’t think that I made that many friends of my own here.  I commute back and forth to the city every day from Queens and I am just exhausted when I get home.  I have done the gym thing and have friends through work, but its still not the same.  My closest friends live where I grow up and it is tough to visit all the time.  My husband and I are the same way…we tend to hang at home a lot now..and are together a lot.  I love it, but def have times when I want to hang with others too.  Maybe the two of us should go find friends!

    Post # 11
    Member
    380 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    @letigre:  +1. I have met some of my really good friends through my running club, and through the local gym!

    Post # 12
    Member
    1243 posts
    Bumble bee

    @PromiseRooster:  I have met so many friends (and my husband!) through sailing it is not funny. A team sport of some sort, like dodge ball or indoor hockey or whatever, is very good for making friends. I also volunteer at a food bank. 

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