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Mmmm, tough call. Since he's standing there rehearsing with you, and people are invariably going to mention it, and you'd like the best "performance" out of him the following day, I'd say etiquette-wise it leans towards including him. If you decide not to, don't emphasize dinner after. Or you might consider giving him a gift card for a resturant as his Thank You gift.
Good luck!
Isn't the point of having a rehearsal dinner to have everyone who is participating in the wedding get together to go over everything???
I could be wrong.
I always thought it wasn't necessary to include your officiant in your rehearsal dinner unless he/she was a clergyperson who you know well (i.e. your family's pastor who you grew up with). If you just hired a justice of the peace, or a pastor you don't know well, I don't think it's necessary. I'd be surprised if he was insulted. Certainly it'd be a nice gesture if you have room and can afford it, but honestly, he might be relieved to not feel obligated to attend a dinner where he knows no one.
I checked with my DOC about needing to invite our officiant since it was the same situation as what you are describing...we spoke with him on the phone to interview him and that was about it. The DOC (who knew the officiant well) said he would not expect an invite to the dinner or reception. Our rehearsal and welcome party had time in-between so it wasn't like the wedding party was running from one to the next.
I think I should point out that he's the head chaplain of the church, which is at the university where I met my groom, but I'm free to bring any officiant I want and they even provided me with a list of officiants who I could hire who have performed there before. Since I don't have a regular church that I attend, and family members' pastors who are close friends have a language problem (not fluent in English), I decided to hire the head chaplain.
Whether it's totally right or not, I would invite him. It seems rude to include everyone else that is at the rehearsal and not include the officiant. If you don't know him very well, won't going to the rehearsal help that? Hearing everyone talk about you, getting to know some of the family members, etc? I understand cutting numbers, but cutting the person that is going to be responsible for the most important part of your wedding day doesn't seem like a smart idea to me.
We're inviting our minister and his wife even though we aren't close with them. I feel it's probably the right thing to do since he is part of the rehearsal and we are inviting everyone else that will be at the rehearsal.
I would invite the officiant and his wife (if he has one). If he doesn't know you two well, he will probably decline anyways.
I would extend an invitation but expect that the pastor would probably decline.
I don't really know; I'm probably not going to invite our official because it's the exact same scenario as yours: we're hiring him for the rehearsal and the wedding. Honestly, it hadn't even crossed my mind to invite him and his wife to the rehearsal dinner (bad qui40067!) simply because to me - as terrible as this may sound - it's a business deal. Exactly the same as it would be as hiring a JP to conduct the wedding. I wouldn't invite the JP to the rehearsal dinner, so why would I invite the officiant?
It makes a world of sense if the pastor marrying you is your family pastor or someone you've known for a super long time or the person who conducted your premarital counseling but if it's someone you don't know...just seems awkward to me. :/
You do not need to invite him; he is one of your vendors.
He will be at the rehearsal, natch, but the dinner is for your family and friends.
As a photographer I always go to the rehearsal, but never to the dinner. I don't expect to be invited, and I have politely declined on the occasions where I have been invited.
You do not need to feel obligated in any way!
@qui40067:I felt the same way! That he was being hired by me to do a job, but I do also understand what the others are saying. I know it will help in getting to know us, but I think he will know enough to conduct the ceremony before the rehearsal and anything more is just to socialize, which isn't necessary since it is a business deal and isn't convenient since there will be such a big party for the dinner, most of whom will be out-of-towners that we really want to spend as much time as possible with. I really wish I had a regular pastor, this would be so much simpler. Anyway, I think I need to think about this a little more, and will probably get a better sense of which way I should go when we do the sit down with him.
@PerezSistersPhotography: Thanks! I really appreciate a vendor's point of view.
This is not done where I am from. It seems a little silly to me as they are in a way a vendor. I would only extend an invite if I was someone I knew very well as in they were my pastor and I felt comfortable having them there. But for me, the rehearsal dinner is a DINNER with your party and friends and family. Last time I checked, going over what is going to happen the next day is discussed at the rehearsal, not while people are trying to eat and have a good time.
No, he does this probably every weekend, and I'm sure does not expected to come to any dinner, be it the rehearsal dinner or reception. If you feel especially close to him, yes. But if you hired him like any other vendor, no need - - and I'm sure (based on what my hired officiant has said) - he doesn't expect, nor will he accept an invitation.
HOWEVER I should have also stated that my "rehearsal dinner" is in an entirely different timeslot than the actual rehearsal, so he won't be attending the rehearsal and then excluded....either way, I assume you're paying him and he doesn't expect more than payment.
Interesting convo. My officiant is our pastor so he's def invited. But with "for hire" clergy, he would most likely decline since he doesn't know you well either. I'd extend the invite to be polite but def no spouse/date.
Just a thought, but inviting him may be a nice way to say "thank you."
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I will be hiring a pastor that neither I nor my groom are familiar with, although I have spoken to him on the phone (an interview to get the chapel) and we will be meeting with him at some point before the wedding. The rehearsal dinner count is already at about 40 with our bridal party, immediately family, and a lot of out-of-state guests. Is it poor etiquette not to invite the pastor to the rehearsal dinner? There are absolutely no ties to him and anyone else attending except that I am hiring him to conduct the ceremony.
Thanks!