Is it just me?

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2016 - Rosewater Room

*smh* some people…

In my humble opinion, yes, that’s incredibly rude. You found another place to stay that’s cheaper? Okay, no problem, your money and you’re more comfortable with it, that’s cool.

To turn around and then expect to have free use of a room you and your FI are now paying for because she backed out and possibly STAY in it after backing out earlier and not offering to pay you if that happens, is so so SO rude. 

I was trying to think of a reason why that’d be okay, just to play devil’s advocate, but for me, it wouldn’t be. I get you may have to let her use it, but if I were you, I’d take those room keys, hide them in your makeup bag and tell her the hotel has filled the room. 

Post # 3
Member
745 posts
Busy bee

That is bruuuutal. I don’t think there’s any polite way to tell her that’s not possible, unless you find someone else to fill the room (maybe offer it to someone else like a broke niece or anyone else who’s a student at half the price). 

Post # 4
Member
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

That’s SO rude. This would not fly with me. Tell her to sod off back to her own accommodation.

Post # 5
Member
6859 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Wow, that is nervy. I would tell her that you will be making every effort to cover the cost of the suite by offering it to out of town guests before the wedding, so she’ll most likely have to make other plans. 

But if all else fails, I’d just bite the bullet. Theoretically,  one is supposed to pay or provide for accommodations for wedding party. 

Post # 8
Member
745 posts
Busy bee

weddingmaven:  I’m in Canada, and I’ve never heard of this either! I wonder if this is just a regional expectation (similar to how some areas expect the bride to pay for bridesmaids dresses, and others don’t).

Post # 9
Member
6859 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Traditional etiquette in the US and I’m guessing where you live as well, has always said this, although years ago it was more likely a room in someone’s home. 

Steph77:  http://www.emilypost.com/attendants

http://www.cnn.com/2013/07/19/living/matrimony-etiquette-experts/

“Lizzie Post: These days, many weddings are destination weddings for everyone but the couple. For any wedding, the hosts should pay for the bridal party’s accommodations, so they just pay for their own travel.”

 

 

 

Post # 10
Member
6859 posts
Busy Beekeeper

One more:

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/08/11/fashion/weddings/wedding-q-and-a.html?_r=0

“There are also a few general guidelines and considerations here. It makes much sense for a couple to arrange blocks of hotel rooms in a variety of price ranges and even at one or more hotels, if possible. As in this case, not everyone can easily manage a $200-a-night room. Traditionally, the bride and groom (or their respective families) pay for the attendants’ accommodations but not for their transportation costs. Your friend and her fiancé may be unaware of this custom, and it isn’t up to you to clue them in, but any good wedding planning guide should enlighten them. For now, be prepared to cover your lodging but arrange something that fits your budget.”

Post # 13
Member
6859 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Steph77:  Room blocking is just a convenience and courtesy. There’s no tradition.  “rule,” or expectation behind it. 

I may be wrong, but I think immediate family and the bridal party were included. 

Post # 14
Hostess
9892 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

Steph77:  That is really rude of her.  Honestly, I would tell her that the ‘spare’ suite is no longer available.  Now that she opted not to use it you’re using it for storage for the BM’s etc so that their rooms aren’t cluttered for the night (or you were planning to store gifts there or whatever).  I personally would do everything i could to prevent her getting the free stay.  I would be furious.

Realistically, there’s probably not much you can do, but it is a jerk move on her part.

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