Post # 1
… do engagements just not mean the same thing to the men?
SO doesn’t want a long engagement. He wants everything to happen without having to put plans on hold, and that’s his reason for his waiting… so that we’d have the finances to start planning the wedding as soon as we are engaged. I mean, not that I hate this idea, but I don’t understand why a long engagement bothers him.
Any other bees have SO’s with this sort of mentality?
Post # 3
My husband did. Our engagement lasted two months.
Post # 4
@NinjaWings: Hmmm…can’t really relate. When it became clear to both my man and I that we would marry one day for sure, he described how delighted he will be when I go from being his girlfriend, to fiancee and finally his wife. I happen to know that he is proposing in two weeks and he admitted that he is excited for the engagement! But we won’t wait longer than 10 – 12 months before we marry as we are both in our 30’s now.
Post # 5
I, personally, don’t want a long engagement. About 1 year. I basically see the engagement phase as the time to plan a wedding, and SO agrees. We have known for years we want to get married, so we’re not in the situation of when he proposes “it means he wants to marry me” because I already know he does. We’re talking about budgets now to make sure we have enough money before we get engaged.
The different I notice in *some* men is that they don’t feel the need to get engaged the same way some women do. My SO is fine waiting. Heck, he’d probably wait another 5 years if he thought I was cool with it.
Post # 6
Totally. When SO and I decided that we should get married next year, I mentioned that, you know, that means we need to get engaged soon to book venues etc. He didn’t understand why anyone would want to be engaged for “so long” and thought I was crazy to think that I’d need more than 2 months notice to plan a big wedding.
Post # 7
My FH thought we could plan a wedding in six months, but he quickly realized soon after getting engaged and looking into venues that we needed significantly more time. Our engagement will be a year and half!
Post # 8
My FI was all about a 20-month engagement. Then we ended up moving it up! We ended up with 5.5 months of planning time1
Post # 9
The SO has always wanted a “short” engagement, or at least an average length one, because he didn’t want to be “that couple” who were engaged for X number of years without a date being set. It is one of the reasons he’s waiting.
Post # 10
@NinjaWings: we were engaged for a year and a half – mainly that was because we wanted to save for the wedding and honeymoon ourself 🙂 however in saying that, we chose the wedding date and loction and started booking and paying for deposits the first week we were engaged.
Post # 11
@arathella: LOL. They’re so cute when they don’t know how certain things work 🙂
My SO doesn’t really seem to have any influence on the usual length of an engagement, his sister’s lasted for over 2 years while his best friend will be getting married in June after just having proposed 3 months ago!
Post # 12
@NinjaWings: I’ve heard from friends who had short engagements that their SOs pushed for a wedding becuase they wanted that commited life together to start right away. Like they viewed engagement as a kind of limbo before marriage and so didn’t want to drag it out. It’s so like a man to be like – well I’ve made up my mind, so may as well do this thing right away haha. Kinda sweet though, and maybe that’s what’s going on in your SOs head?
Post # 13
- Wedding: October 2014 - Disney
I think engagements mean different things to different people, and different couples. To me engagement is pretty much the same as being married we just havent formally given our vows to each other in front of others, the proposal itself was the contract however. I have another friend who feels the same way, but I know not everyone does. Hell fiance and i end up calling each other husband and wife on occasion. The point here is everyone sees everything different. You should talk to your bf about this and tell him how you feel. I talked to my fiance about it and we were in agreement.
Edited to add we wil have an 20 month engagement because we pushed the wedding date back to accomodate more people.
Post # 14
I think some guys just don’t think about the logistics of wedding planning. My husband spent the longest time under the impression that engagements should be around 4-8 months, and that you should also spend a good bit of that not planning and just enjoy being engaged first. Which would be fine if you were going to a courthouse or having a simple affair, but he ALSO wanted a huge, giant fancy party with all the works. Ummm, those don’t just happen! LOL!