Post # 1
I remember reading a similar post a while ago, but I want to commiserate.
I’m going back to work after summer break. I’ve been with SO for over four years and after every school vacation, long weekend, or tiny trip that we take, all of my colleagues are ALWAYS up in my business and asking me, “Welllllll….any neeeeews???” Of course they always say this without looking at my hand first.
I’m one of the younger teachers in the school and maybe they’re just aching for an engagement announcement, but it’s really annoying and always makes me feel like crap after. I know I shouldn’t care what other people think, but after this much time, I’m starting to feel like a joke. I have a wonderful relationship, but I feel like people are starting to talk or think less of my SO (even though they don’t even know him!) As the days in August tick by, I’m feeling a pit in my stomach when I think of that awkward moment during the first school-wide faculty meeting when the principal asks if anyone has any announcements…. UGH. Dreading it.
If anyone else would like to share their experiences or coping skills, I would really like to hear from you! Also, is this something that only teachers do??? Is it just because I’m in a primarily female profession??
Post # 3
I definitely know the feeling. After going back last break three teachers had gotten engaged and I had a lot of questions about when mine was coming. Now I sit in a faculty office with four engaged women!! We are all really young so there are also multiple pregnancies going on and some days it gets really hard. To make matters worse because I work in a high school the students also am aware that I have a SO and are constantly asking if I am engaged yet. Some of my grade 10 students have taken to giving me tips on how to get him to propose. Obviously I fob them off and get onto teaching but some days it makes me want to laugh and other days cry. Nosy people at work is certainly a roller coaster so I certainly understand what you are going through.
Post # 4
I taught at a middle school for 6 years and was single the entire time. I hated being asked multiple times after each break: “so did you meet someone?” I know they are just curious, and I admit that I ask these questions of other people. But it’s still frustrating. There were times I wanted to send an e-mail to the entire building that said, “Yes, I’m still single. I will tell you when I find someone I want to date. THE NEXT PERSON THAT ASKS ME ABOUT IT WILL GET PUNCHED IN THE FACE!” Maybe my issue was more that I was still single and not that my coworkers were being nosy. 😉
This year however, I am really excited to go back. I took the ’10-’11 school year off from teaching. During that time I started dating a wonderful guy and now we’re engaged. I am so excited to have a different answer for all those nosy coworkers.
Post # 5
Mine are very nosey but we work in a small team of about 6, and they are all married except me!
I hate talking to them about my personal life, and don’t ask into theirs unless they want to talk about it themselves. Is it wrong that when I get married I don’t want to invite them to the reception?
Post # 6
Ohhh yeah! My Fiance and I are in a long distance relationship. For the first two years that I taught at my school, every time I would return from a visit, my co-workers would be asking the same questions. It did get annoying. I just started giving short answers and changing the subject really fast. I did feel like they cared, but at the same time, it was just an annoying reminder that it hadn’t happened yet!
Post # 7
@W8ingBee: Please, please don’t take it personally. I’m a high school teacher, and many of the ladies there- especially the older ones- ask about my personal life all the time.
I used to think it was rude until one of them hugged me one day and said, “I just love how we can live vicariously through you. We love you so much.”
They work with kids all day and really just want to hear some dirt. It’s that simple.
I’m not saying it’s not rude or a tad bit unprofessional, but teachers tend to create a real community in the school they share, so they are probably just really excited for you to get engaged. I don’t think they mean it as a slam to you in any way, as in “Hmm, really? No ring yet? How weird.”
As some practical advice, when questions get personal or you don’t feel like answering them, laugh them off and they’ll stop. Some of the ladies asked me about when we were trying to get pregnant, money, and stuff that Darling Husband and I haven’t even really figured out yet. I always just say, “Aww, c’mon now, let’s just focus on work.” They always get the hint.
Don’t give excuses for not getting engaged yet. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, so if they ask, just smile and say “Not yet! But we did go on an amazing vacation this summer…” and launch into something else.
Post # 8
It’s not just a teacher thing. I think when people know you have been in a relationship for a while, they start asking questions about you getting engaged. And I don’t think they mean any harm by it but I think you honestly have to go through a waiting period like we are in order to really appreciate what it feels like to really want to get engaged but to have to wait whatever amount of time for your SO to propose. I would just tell anyone who asks that no I’m not engaged yet, flash a smile and keep it moving. Yes it will be irritating and may make your waiting days that much more painful, but hopefull, they will eventually get the hint and stop asking.