Post # 1
I feel like I no longer see my friends anymore. I’ve kept the same group of friends since high school (about 10 girls) but we’ve all gone down different paths (different countries, offshore jobs etc). Everyone has conflicting schedules, plus most are single so have that extra time and a lot have various random friends with whom they hang out. They also have a shorter commute (mine is 1.5 hours so I’m exhausted by the time I get home). As a result, things just aren’t the way they were and when plans are made, someone else is already occupied or when *they* have time I don’t etc.
Arrrggghh. I feel like it’s so hard finding the time, extra money and inclination to hang out yet some of them are out every weekend or don’t want to hang out with friends at all. I’m okay with this as I’m introverted and prefer spending most of my precious spare time with my SO, plus I feel like some of them have become different people so I don’t really miss these social things YET I feel stupid when I see their FB updates and they’re out again or going on mini-trips or whatever. Admittedly, most are single and this gives them free time, plus some don’t work and are in their 8th year of parent-funded tertiary education so they have a lot more free time, plus few have any major debt/obligations so I guess $$$ is not an issue. But I feel like, while before I was invited to things, since declining a couple invitations to relax with SO, I’m no longer invited.
Does being in a serious relationship really affect your social life so much? And is this kind of life normal for other mid-20’s, i.e, living at home, single, making lots of $$$$ but nothing but yourself to spend it on? I’m in a relationship, help out at home financially (it’s only fair) and have a loooong daily commute….as a result I rarely see friends (and truth is I just don’t like the drinking, clubbing thing anymore). Am I old and boring for my age? Does everyone else have amazing social lives and I’m the one who sucks? Right now, my SO and I are focusing on saving $$$ to start our own business as we would like to travel and having autonomy over our lives, so we prefer quiet nights in or days at the beach, long drives etc. (luckily, I stand to inherit a home so we don’t have to save for that). I’m happy with this but I wonder sometimes if I’m missing out on being young. I’m not like other 20-somethings….I love reading and learning about new cultures and rescuing animals, none of which are every social activities – plus I’m quite shy at first so that makes it hard but maybe, I really should focus more on a social life. My SO and mum says this is a normal part of growing up and that it should be espected but I just feel like a loner.
Am I strange? Does everyone have a great social life filled with tons of friends and I’m just lame? Please tell me about how you manage this aspect of your life.
Post # 3
your not lame at all…I hardly see my friends either because of conflicting schedules. I was always told i act older than i am…I’m 24 and i was never a partier or clubber…im more of a homebody..i dont drin much either and if i do its in the house relaxing…i live with my fiance and i love the time i spend with him when we are both off work..i miss my friends too but when we can we do get together and maybe go to a movie or out to dinner..might be lie once a month..i do text them every once in a while to keep in touch especially since they will be in my wedding…i think you are just like me..your calm relaxed down to earth and like the simple things..not clubbing and drining…theres nothing wrong with you…unless its both of us who are old at heart lol
Post # 4
Hasn’t happened for me. If anything, my social life has gotten busier and busier and I have made more friends than ever before.
Post # 5
I don’t think it has to be that way. I am 25, in a long term relationship, own a home and work extremely long hours with a long commute. I leave for work at 6am and get home around 7pm every day. I have a VERY active social life, I just had to commit to it. I meet friends for dinner, drinks, movies etc. after work during the week (1-3 times a week) and then always spend at least 1 day and 1 night of my weekend with friends. I also go on girl’s trips all the time! And I manage to be in a relationship and save my money. I’m just careful about budgeting and balancing my time 🙂
Post # 6
It happens gradually but it doesn’t have to be that way.
I try to get my group of friends (and their wives) together once a week or every other week. Even if it’s just something simple like a BBQ or pool party.
It takes awhile to get everyone on the same page but after you do it a couple of times, it becomes a habit and everyone starts looking forward to it.
Post # 7
start having parties 🙂 my SO and i moved overseas and didn’t know anyone – but we had a sweet apartment and wanted to meet people. so once we met some friends, we had people over. for dinner, for brunch on weekends, i have manicure nights with friends, we throw ridiculous ragers periodically, my SO hostd a beer tasting (read – keg party) etc. people love to come by and often ask us when the next party is and we have met SO many people this way!
plus – we don’t have to go anywhere, commute home, worry about dd-ing and it’s cheaper than going out all the time 🙂
Post # 8
I’m in the same boat as you but for me it has been more of a blessing. I have never been a terribly social person and I really enjoy just getting to hang out at home and take life in at my speed. I take time to think things through and more often than not get totally excluded from the conversation at social gathering. Even with my best friend I only see her 2 or 3 times a year. Every time its like we saw each other yesterday but it doesn’t happen very often. And I was like this in my teens too, long before I met FI. I think the people who really enjoy the company of others will find a way to arrange gatherings but for me it wasn’t a priority. Work is the most social thing I do and I spend most my day working alone.
Post # 9
SO (now DH) and i have been dating 7 years. some where in the middle i felt like you. But I stopped working with him in the summer and he leaves for work fr april-sept. My college went bankrupt and all my friends moved. His family (all of them and there is quite a lot) do the same job and leave. leaving me…so the past three years i made new friends. i started trying to make more friends at work, and joining some community events. It was weird being alone and instead of staying in, i got bored…its not that same with no one to have dinner with or watch a movie with. so first i joined a softball group and some girls , some from DH home town, had the team. Over the years we have become very good friends. There is a part of me that enjoys the time away from my DH because it forces me to show up at their place asking hey want to just chill? My best friend from high school moved here but instead of surfing like we used too she doesnt really want to hike or do anything like that anymore. then this year she moved. my other best friends from high school moved totally away. i keep in touch but dont ever see them. one other at my wedding but she was in it. So ive started this social life since my marriage is partial long distance and some times i feel like when i go out (by the way all three of my softball good friends are divorced and im newly married) at the bars i feel like some people are like what are you doing here?? youre married?? but you know i dont really have as much to do. and the more i do the faster time goes by and he will come home after september. But some times i also feel a little guilty hanging out side jens with a beer by her fire. while hes off working his butt off. Ive learned a lot from each one of these girls though. im so glad i jumped into softball and really became close. i had never even played softball!! But now this year we are getting together for berry picking, jam making, brunch, or lunch, bbqs, and hiking! Its hard to put yourself out there but i felt like by doing things with out DH, i was able to find myself with my girls.when DH comes home in the winter it seems the girls scatter, retreat to home life with kids (two have kids with ex) and other family. by the way im 27. I do in fact feel like when i took that middle break from friends i did work out more and i drank less. Now i will admit, i ve started drinking like im 23 again….that sounds old. haha. later i join winter volleyball too. started joining a gym and met girls there when it was obvious i became a regular. I live in a small town too though, no clubs here. just local fisherman bars.
There was a time when my DH said i need more friends. which made me feel like a lozer. but now he thinks i have too many. haha. what do you want me to do DH?! things can change on a dime is all im saying.
Not a very active social life doesnt mean it will be like that forever. you go threw fazes in life, it doesnt just stop at graduation and you can never turn back or soemthing. You will meet girls out there you like what you do. they are probelly shy too;) High school friends well youre right. everyone grows. some times it only seems apart. ….Some times its together.
Post # 10
Thanks a lot for the responses. I’m hoping this is just a phase and will make more of an effort to initiate get-togethers and accept invitations.
Post # 11
I’ve noticed this too. But my situation is more because my friends are slightly older than I am so they have kids. Well since they have kids everyone tends to go to their house and let’s face it, having to always drive over someone else’s house and having one of us not be able to drink gets old. Another friend has a BF who tends to be a home body so most of the time they don’t come out. Plus they have a new puppy who is very hyper and it gets irritating for them to try to keep her calm around our dog. Then I have other friends that would be down to do things but they live in different cities. The area where we live, all the cities are close to each other but we don’t have very good public transportation so it’s either someone doesn’t drink or we pay out the butt for a taxi. I know you don’t have to drink to have a good time but after awhile when everyone is buzzed/drunk, being sober sucks and I tend to get tired before everyone else so I’m sitting there wishing I was home while everyone is enjoying themselves. Most of the people I work with are older (like 40s & 50s) so meeting friends at work really isn’t an option. We also have a lot of friends that live out of state…
Post # 12
@NoOneYouExpect: This is pretty much almost what I would have written, lol.
I cherish my spare time and spend 99% of it with FI. I don’t really have friends here so that makes planning stuff quite easy. 😛
Post # 13
This is going to sound horrible but my friends becoming mothers has totally changed my social life. They used to have the ability to talk about all sorts of interesting things. Now it’s all condescending talk about baby this and stroller that. It’s mind numbingly boring. I can’t hang out with them anymore so I am changing social circles. I’m not going to sit around and hope they change, I’m going to find new friends who are more like me.
Some friendships are for a life time but many are cyclical. You have to go with the flow.
Post # 14
I think it happens at different ages and maturity levels. Also, I think the type of person you are says a lot about it too. I’ve always been a homebody who likes going out on occasion. Staying home never bothered me. I love staying in on a friday night with my FI on the couch and just being with him. I have friends that just can’t sit at home and need to be out. It’s a difference in lifestyle basically. We aren’t kids anymore and everyone needs to figure out how to make it work.
@FauxBoho: Ummmm I just went to a friends birthday party this weekend and her friends both had 2 newborns…my closer friends and I were like “okay….not ready for this…not ready to start having babies at parties”. I thought things changed when they all started getting married…that’s nothing compared to babies! lol I totally hear ya
Post # 15
@SoonToBeMrsD921: to be fair we are in our 30’s so it’s time to start having babies if we want them. I have many girlfriends with babies who still like discussing things other than their child but this particular group are just…..I don’t know, they have no ability to talk about anything else. It’s just straight up boring. It’s not even good baby talk like funny poo stories or something like that, it’s literally comparing strollers & baby food recipies. No thanks
Post # 16
while FI and I enjoy each other company, we still go out. most of his friends are married and most of my friends are single. we tend to go out with couples more. i still make time for my friends, whether FI comes along or i make it a girls night.