(Closed) Is it just me or is this rude???

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I feel like a lot of girls don’t realize all of the expenses that go into a wedding until they are actually planning their wedding. I am sure those pictures were just her *dream* folders that will probably change by the time comes for her to actually get married. I wouldn’t worry about it. If she does ask you to be a bridesmaid just let her know that you would love to but would only be able to pay X amount for your dress. If she really wants you in her wedding, I am sure she will understand!

Post # 4
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

Sometimes people change such opinions when the reality of actually planning a wedding hits them. Right now, she’s dreaming.

In my opinion, over $300 requries a serious conversation about budget. I expect when asked to be in a wedding that the dress will be between $150 and $300, but over $300 and I would expect fair warning or help or I might have to decline.

Post # 5
Member
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Yeah, my “dream” bridesmaid dresses would not be what I would ask my bridesmaids to pay/buy. That doesn’t mean they can’t be part of the fantasy! 

Post # 6
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

The bride can not make her bridsemaids spend $$$$ on a dress if they can only afford $$. I would just be very honest and say from the get go what you can afford if you do get asked. I never understood why some bridesmaids never speak up with regards to what they can afford and bring the “expensive” brides taste back to reality. If the bride doesn’t understand and insists on things that you can’t afford then you decline due to financial strain.

Post # 7
Member
479 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

It also sound’s like I wouldn’t be in it. lol She seem’s like she is in a dream land and may need to wake up,”LIKE” today. I’m sorry 300$ for just the dress by it’s’self is crazy, and we still need to get our hair do,nails,heels or whatever that’s well over 400$. TSK TSK TSK. I know I talked to my girls and asked about price pionts to see what was good with them.. and if it was still too much I helped some and other’s Iasked them to step down and be a guest. Well let’s just hope she has a change of heart by the time her wedding day comes around ( WISHING FOR YOU)

Post # 8
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

You can always decline the offer. I don’t think she was trying to be rude per se, just chasing a fairy tale vision for her big day. No need to be practical until she’s REALLY planning.

Post # 10
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Who knows, maybe she will pay for a portion of the dresses. I would just let it slide. I looked at a lot of $400 dresses when I first got engaged. I’m using dresses that my MOH saw in stores for $300. But I can order them online for $120-150. I looked that up before I asked my bridesmaids and told them after they accepted about the dresses I liked, the fact that they were $300 in stores but could be purchased through a reputable online store for $120-150. I have two recent grads and a high school student as my BMs. None of them would be my BMs if I had only given them a $300 option.

Post # 11
Member
11273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@hollyberry4:  $300 is a bit extreme for bm dresses.  i think budget should be discussed with all of the bm’s before accepting or shopping.

look at the possible bright side, she isn’t getting married for a few years.  maybe by that time the bm dresses will be on clearance for $99.

Post # 12
Member
7796 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Of course SHE will be well advanced in her career so she can afford to buy the dresses herself…

I never ceases to be baffled by the tradition of telling someone else what dress they have to wear, and making them pay for it. Whoever chooses pays, I say.

Post # 13
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

By the time she gets engaged, she’ll probably change her mind. Honestly, at this point, it sounds like she’s just setting up her dream folder. Don’t worry about it.

Post # 14
Member
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I wouldn’t worry about it….

Personally I would NEVER expect anyone to pay $300 for their bridesmaids dress (my wedding dress was $300)…even my FSIL said she would have spent more on a dress just to wear to the wedding so she was glad to be in the wedding party! (dresses with a shawl were $160 after tax)…..

I think once the reality of HOW EXPENSIVE weddings are and how much disposible income they will actually have by then she will change her mmind….

Post # 15
Member
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I guess just cross that bridge when you come to it. If it really is a few years from now reality of how far money stretches and priorities may have kicked her in the ass. 

Post # 16
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think $300+ is too much for bridesmaids dresses, BUT – I think you were the rude one. She was just showing you dream ideas and things she loved and it sounds like you were sort of a know-it-all and tried to diss her plans.

Wait until it’s a reality and then you can gently try to explain your budget, but at this point – a good friend should just nod and smile when someone is talking about dreams.

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