Post # 1
I was talking to one of my bridesmaids today, and she showed me her “secret folder” on her computer of her dream wedding dress, rings, etc. When she showed me examples of bridesmaids dresses she likes for her future wedding, I noticed they were all quite extravagent and pricey (well over $300). She has always had expensive taste (I lived with her for 4 years), and not much regard for the budgets of others (i.e. choosing a very expensive restaurant for her birthday dinner, etc.)
I mentioned to her “Those are pretty dresses, but I could never imagine spending so much on a bridesmaid dress.” Her response? “Well, me and X (boyfriend) won’t get married for several years. I figure by that time my bridesmaids will be advanced in their careers and be able to afford more expensive dresses, so it shouldn’t be an issue.” I was pretty speechless. Thanksfully, our other friend who was there politely reminded her that we may be starting families, etc, to which she responded “I hadn’t thought of that.”
Now I’m terrified that if she does ask me to be in her wedding (even though not for several years), it will be an extremely expensive affair!
Post # 3
I feel like a lot of girls don’t realize all of the expenses that go into a wedding until they are actually planning their wedding. I am sure those pictures were just her *dream* folders that will probably change by the time comes for her to actually get married. I wouldn’t worry about it. If she does ask you to be a bridesmaid just let her know that you would love to but would only be able to pay X amount for your dress. If she really wants you in her wedding, I am sure she will understand!
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
Sometimes people change such opinions when the reality of actually planning a wedding hits them. Right now, she’s dreaming.
In my opinion, over $300 requries a serious conversation about budget. I expect when asked to be in a wedding that the dress will be between $150 and $300, but over $300 and I would expect fair warning or help or I might have to decline.
Post # 5
Yeah, my “dream” bridesmaid dresses would not be what I would ask my bridesmaids to pay/buy. That doesn’t mean they can’t be part of the fantasy!
Post # 6
The bride can not make her bridsemaids spend $$$$ on a dress if they can only afford $$. I would just be very honest and say from the get go what you can afford if you do get asked. I never understood why some bridesmaids never speak up with regards to what they can afford and bring the “expensive” brides taste back to reality. If the bride doesn’t understand and insists on things that you can’t afford then you decline due to financial strain.
Post # 7
It also sound’s like I wouldn’t be in it. lol She seem’s like she is in a dream land and may need to wake up,”LIKE” today. I’m sorry 300$ for just the dress by it’s’self is crazy, and we still need to get our hair do,nails,heels or whatever that’s well over 400$. TSK TSK TSK. I know I talked to my girls and asked about price pionts to see what was good with them.. and if it was still too much I helped some and other’s Iasked them to step down and be a guest. Well let’s just hope she has a change of heart by the time her wedding day comes around ( WISHING FOR YOU)
Post # 8
You can always decline the offer. I don’t think she was trying to be rude per se, just chasing a fairy tale vision for her big day. No need to be practical until she’s REALLY planning.
Post # 9
Yeah I guess it is fantasyland at this point. I just found her comment rude about assuming that we would be making more money by the time her wedding came around and so could afford a more expensive dress. I love her to death, but she has always been very money-oriented and oblivious to those who don’t have it, so it just made me worry that it will be the same way when her wedding comes around!!!
Post # 10
Who knows, maybe she will pay for a portion of the dresses. I would just let it slide. I looked at a lot of $400 dresses when I first got engaged. I’m using dresses that my MOH saw in stores for $300. But I can order them online for $120-150. I looked that up before I asked my bridesmaids and told them after they accepted about the dresses I liked, the fact that they were $300 in stores but could be purchased through a reputable online store for $120-150. I have two recent grads and a high school student as my BMs. None of them would be my BMs if I had only given them a $300 option.
Post # 11
@hollyberry4: $300 is a bit extreme for bm dresses. i think budget should be discussed with all of the bm’s before accepting or shopping.
look at the possible bright side, she isn’t getting married for a few years. maybe by that time the bm dresses will be on clearance for $99.
Post # 12
Of course SHE will be well advanced in her career so she can afford to buy the dresses herself…
I never ceases to be baffled by the tradition of telling someone else what dress they have to wear, and making them pay for it. Whoever chooses pays, I say.
Post # 13
By the time she gets engaged, she’ll probably change her mind. Honestly, at this point, it sounds like she’s just setting up her dream folder. Don’t worry about it.
Post # 14
I wouldn’t worry about it….
Personally I would NEVER expect anyone to pay $300 for their bridesmaids dress (my wedding dress was $300)…even my FSIL said she would have spent more on a dress just to wear to the wedding so she was glad to be in the wedding party! (dresses with a shawl were $160 after tax)…..
I think once the reality of HOW EXPENSIVE weddings are and how much disposible income they will actually have by then she will change her mmind….
Post # 15
I guess just cross that bridge when you come to it. If it really is a few years from now reality of how far money stretches and priorities may have kicked her in the ass.
Post # 16
I think $300+ is too much for bridesmaids dresses, BUT – I think you were the rude one. She was just showing you dream ideas and things she loved and it sounds like you were sort of a know-it-all and tried to diss her plans.
Wait until it’s a reality and then you can gently try to explain your budget, but at this point – a good friend should just nod and smile when someone is talking about dreams.