Post # 1
so… we have about less than 10 days to go before the wedding and we had a doozy of a blowup. We got invited to a game this weekend that he wanted to go to. So, he squeezed it into the his schedule and told me about it thru an email. So my response was "are you going?" cuz i wasn’t sure if he was joking or not. I thought it was pretty much common sense to not go out and do that stuff the LAST weekend before the wedding. His excuse was that he thought we didn’t have anything to do. But how can we not given that i’ve been complaining to him for the last week and a half about how tired I am and how I don’t have any time to work on these projects.
Basically he was in a mood last night so i aksed him what was wrong and he told me that when i asked him if he was going or not it really bothered him because he thought i was guilt tripping him and that all i had to say was that we were busy. really now? It was an honest question. So i tried explaining it to him but he wasn’t having none of it so i blew up at him in return. Yes, it bothered me. If his response was yes he was serious, why would i be so nice as to say "yes, hun. we’re super busy". Am i not entitled to being upset by his oversight in judgement?
sigh… i don’t know what to do…. we were supposed to meet up tonight and work on more projects. this is our biggest fight ever. and over something so stupid.
Post # 3
it’s funny that such a big fight came out of something kind of small. i think the stress of the wedding is getting to you. ^_^
i think i would have reacted the same way. so it’s not just you.
good luck, everything will work out!
Post # 4
You’ll Be ok. Ur just stressed about the wedding! Just take a few minutes to yourself and take a deep breathe.
Post # 5
Not to get personal, well OK maybe to get personal… has he turned down – or rather "sacrificed" – other events in lieu of wedding planning/preparing? How many times has he recently said "no" to do something that he wanted to do?
If you answer is yes, he has turned down a lot of other things that he wanted to do – then maybe he’s just feeling as if he can’t do what he wants – even this ONE time.
If your answer is no, he has NOT turned down (sacrificed) events, then I can understand why you’re upset.
Tell him you appreciate all the sacrifices he’s made (only if it’s true) and say them out loud, "like when you didn’t go to happy hour" or "when you helped with the favors" etc. Can you make a date for a game after the wedding? Hang in there! Good luck tonight.
Post # 6
Sorry this happened with you guys, how awful. I’ve already gotten in a fight with my FI about stupid wedding stuff and we still have some months to go. Don’t beat yourself up over it, or him, you guys are likely way drained.
Here are a few suggestions:
- Make a calendar to do list and put it up where you both can see it. If you don’t live together, make a copy for each person. Then it is CLEAR AS CAN BE what needs to be done and when. Mu FI is all about the shared google calendar, which I don’t really like, but it helps him remember things so I use it so we cna be on teh same page. It prevents a LOT of misunderstanding.
- Don’t make any planning decisions via email. Call on the phone or talk in person. With email it is too difficult to misconstrue what someone means when things are already feeling stressful.
- Try to find some time to do something fun and don’t even talk about the wedding. Even if it is just going on a walk to get an ice cream cone, do SOMETHING.
- Each of you should make a plan of ONE THING to do before the wedding for yourself to unwind. Perhaps for him it can be going to the game. Perhaps for you it can be a massage. Do something that feels rejuvinating. YOu’ll need energy!
Good luck and hang in there. It was a little tiff and these happen.
Post # 7
Thanks for all the support ladies.
suza- no, this was the first time i had asked him to turn anything down. i did try to tell him that i appreciate him and that that wasn’t the reason why i was upset… i didn’t think he was a dead beat or anything.
mambinki- thanks for the suggestions! It’s definitely a great idea to try to squeeze in some non-wedding stuff. I guess with the wedding being so close I kinda forget to breathe.
Post # 8
Choco83, I’ve been thinking about you. How did it go last night? Hope it went well. ~Suza
Post # 9
I’m sorry that you guys had a fight so close to your wedding — it can’t be easy. The good news is that I don’t think that it’s impossible to overcome. And, if he really wants to go to the game, it means more alone-time for you to be able to complete those last-minute projects.
*HUGS* Good luck.
Post # 10
Suza- We had a talk and I explained to him exactly how I felt and he understood. I think he was just having a bad day or something and kind of took it out on me by overreacting. He apologized so everything is ok now.
Thanks everyone for your concern.