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FH and I have this debate over my e-ring. He thinks its less romantic if he doesn't get to pick it out on his own. I think its a nice experience to go ring shopping together to get a sense of my likes or dislikes and then he can surprise me. How did you and your FH get your e-ring? Is it less romantic if you're involved in the process?
We picked it out together with several visits to the jewelry store. I loved every second of it. It was great to be picking out something so significant and meaningful together. I got exactly what I wanted, and he felt confident about buying it because it was for sure the "right one." I highly recommend enjoying the shopping process--it can be a really fun part of establishing yourselves as married partners!
I guess it really depends on the couple... we picked my ring together, but I didnt tell everyone that. Some people find it weird, and I just dont want to hear the comments. But I REALLY enjoyed shopping for the ring together, it was romantic, and fun, and less stressful than worrying if he picked something I wouldn't like.
The only thing that sucks is knowing he'll have the ring and waiting, its like you're expecting a proposal at ANY time, and it's frustrating lol. But I wouldn't change it, gotta take the good with the bad, and the good far outweighed any bad for me.
Another thing, I was worried my bf would get ripped off if he went to go buy a ring alone, men aren't always that smart when it comes to this stuff, so at least if you go, you can compare and know what's a good deal, etc.
We went ring browsing a few times together and I am glad that we did. First of all, he liked a style I really disliked and he didn't agree with me until I tried it on. And he really liked the marquise cut which I didn't like until I tried it on. Now, I have a ring that I LOVE that was a surprise to me because he used all the knowledge he gathered while we were browsing and purchased the perfect ring.
Romance, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.
I picked out my ring. Basically, what R did was tell me that he wanted me to have a ring that I would be proud to wear for the rest of my life, and he doesn't know jewelry enough to pick that out. So he asked me for a picture of my dream ring, and then he was the go-between for the jeweler and I when any issues arose and for final "approval."
I didn't see the real ring until the actual proposal, though. I don't think it made any difference - I was so swept up in how romantic the proposal was, I didn't give a shit about the ring.
We picked out my ring together too. FI wanted to make sure I had exactly what I wanted. It worked out wonderfully and I have a ring I love and will be proud to wear for the rest of my life. He really surprised me with all the research he did. It was a wonderful bonding experience and our first "major" purchase together.
Maybe you can find a compromise? Go try on a few ring styles together to get a feel for what you want, and then let him make the final decision? Or maybe you can go with your mom or a friend and then they can help "guide" him?
Personally, I was allowed by FI to pick my setting; he already had the diamond (it was his grandmother's) and he had the setting that I liked made by a jeweler. People always say "FI did such a good job!!!" and while _I_ personally would love to let him take all the credit, he always points out that I picked it. People don't really react strangly to that news, but then, they know me and know that I would never have been happy if I hadn't gotten to pick what I wanted.
We went together to pick it out. We had it narrowed down to 2 choices...I wanted him to have the final say and not know for sure. I loved them both, and i am so so happy with the one he picked!! Maybe you can do something like that. Just be sure that you would be completely happy no matter which one he would choose :)
Not to be Debbie Downer, but my husband and I picked the ring together, and it wasn't very romantic. While it was fun to look at rings together (often times with his parents in tow because they're like that), I found it stressful and embarassing. That was my deal though - not wanting to look too greedy, not wanting to be particular. The other issue was that my husband is notoriously indecisive, so I had to help make decisions every step of the way. Kind of killed the romance.
My two cents? It can be romantic and you are guaranteed to get a ring you love. Just know your personalities - if he's decisive and you're excited, go for it!
I think it's important he knows your likes and dislikes as it is YOUR e-ring that you'll be wearing for eternity (given you don't upgrade - haha!). You definitely want to wear something you love and want to show off since he'll be spending hard earned money on it. He can choose to take your likes and pick something out himself though. That way it can incorporate both ideas. My FI had be design some rings at BlueNile so he had an idea what I liked, but ended up designing one of his own and just taking my preferences on cute and style to guide him!
I told my (then) boyfriend to get me a proposal ring- I told him to get a really cheap one but he didn't, he got me an awesomely beautiful ring that I eventually got sized to fit on another finger. We then picked out the engagement ring together. It was great! And now I have 2 rings!!
@ Ace: I can totally see how it would kill the mood to have parents along. We enjoyed it because it was a secret, too... other than the bees, everyone thinks he just happened to pick the PERFECT ring. ;)
My FI chose my e-ring, but I gave him lots of specific information and examples of what I liked. However, I don't think it is less romantic for the bride to help choose the ring. I think both ways are fine, depending on the preferences of the couple. Maybe you could try telling him that the most romantic things are the things you do together, and that you'd love this to be one of those things.
i also picked out my ring. he told me i should start thinking about what i wanted--and i mentioned several times it might be better if i just picked something out, and the day before valentines day, we had a "surprise trip" to the jewelry store. we went to a mall that had a ben bridge (which is where i knew i wanted my ring from), and he wouldnt tell me why we were at the mall. then i started to think maybe it was to ring shop, and we got close to the store, and he kind of "proposed" right there..basically he said 'we both want to get married and i want you to pick out an engagement ring that you will love'(and other things like that). it was incredibly romantic. i picked out the exact ring--then he picked out the actual diamond without me the following week.
THEN i got an actual proposal which was still totally awesome. i've had a few people comment that it's weird we did this, but for us, it worked and it was very romantic. i would highly recommend it, especially if you can make it like, a "date"!
It really depends. In my case, FI clearly didn't want my help or input and thought it ruined the surprise if I got involved with the e-ring decision in any way. I never would have suggested ring shopping with him because he so obviously would not have been into it.
Although I was a bit nervous about what he might come up with, any worries were completely unfounded. He worked with a jeweler to design a unique ring that is gorgeous and 100% "me." Any hints that I could give would not have improved upon his decision one bit. And he is SO PROUD that he did it all by himself.
My advice? You obviously have a guy who wants to do it "his own self." Don't spoil his fun! Trust him and let him have his way on this. I'm willing to bet you won't be disappointed.
I don't think its less romantic at all, but my FI did. I told him my fav shapes, and asked him to consult my bff (now MOH) before buying anything.
Something else some guys do that I think is really sweet is to just buy the center diamond and let the girl pick out the setting herself. I think this is cool bc you don't have to worry about picking out a too-expensive stone. :)
I just picked my ring out. My FFIL is the jeweler, so his side of the family is aware and I felt like we had to tell my side, too. I have to say, it is a real bummer to have the surprise element taken out of it. HOWEVER, I am so thrilled to be able to pick my own ring and get what I really want. The actual proposal will be romantic (I'm sure), so it the cons will really outweigh the bad for me.
It depends on how you feel. I wanted my ring to be a surprise. But I did show him pictures of what I liked, and we DID try rings on once. He was a little reluctant to try rings on, but after everything was said and done, he was happy to have an idea of what I like.
IMO, it's not very romantic for him to pick out a ring that you happen to dislike, then go down THAT awkward road, haha. So yes, i had a big hand in picking out my own e-ring. He picked out the solitaire (i told him i wanted a radiant but i saw the cushion and said i liked it), then i picked out the setting. Not exactly swoon-worthy romantic, but very practical. He wasn't too keen on the idea of it at first (he said he should propose and I should accept whatever he gives me and not be a silly girl about it basically) but got him to see my point eventually. When push came to shove, it was more important that I like it, versus possibly harbor secretive feelings about NOT liking it. This became really evident when we went ring shopping and he pointed out settings and rings he thought I'd like. Um, i hated them. So it was a good experiment =]
My FI asked me what kind of solitaires I liked, and then he went out on the hunt himelf for the perfect e ring.
I absolutely adore the 3 stone soliatire ring he chose and yes, I thought him picking it out all by himself was utterly romantic., not to mention the proposal under the Christmas tree!
My fiancé gave me a beautiful diamond when he proposed. We are having a unique one-of-a-kind setting made.
I didn't want a diamond so we picked out stones together. When I/we had it down to two options we went to our ring designer and I picked a setting I liked. Then I didn't particularly prefer one stone over the other, so I told him to surprise me. He did and it was great....there really wasn't a right or wrong choice as I liked them both equally!
Romantic for whom? :) No such things as objectively romantic.
It sounds like he wants the romance of hiding it from you and you want the romance of picking it togther, neither is wrong or right and both could be romantic so it depends which one of you it's supposed to be romantic towards. However, as a girl, I'd say your preferences take precedence because you'll be wearing the ring and if you don't like it it's a huge hassal.
I didn't pick mine out. FI did it all on his own and I thought that was more romantic then me showing him what I wanted. I'm really not too particular about that kind of stuff though so he knew it would be okay. He usually has more expensive taste than I do; so it worked out fine! It would have taken away the romantic aspect for me if I would have known that he was looking or that he was even thinking of asking. I was totally surprised & happy :)
We went to look several times and picked it out together! I think it was just as romantic because I didnt know how or when he would do it! And at least this way I knew I would LOVE my ring:)
We went together to try on rings, and I loved that experience :) We tried on a fair amount and then narrowed it down to 4 that we both really loved. He then got me to go shopping somewhere else while he made the final decision so it was definitely still a surprise, he had the final say and got to pick it, but this way we knew it was something we both loved. I'm so glad we got to do it that way and I still think it was really romantic because I had no idea which one he picked and it was his secret to keep :) Plus I'm really happy with my ring now and to be honest, the ones he was first leaning towards were not my style lol so it worked out well in the end.
I guess it just depends. Each couple if different. Fiance and I went to do some preliminary looking and I can safely say that even though it's a symbolic element he would have chosen all wrong for me...lol I love him dearly, but our taste is very different. He has shown me love and romance in a way no man has ever done so before in my life, but his tastes is well....With that said he realized that as we were browsing and said that he would have gone in a totally different direction. He thought I wanted a big rock and I don't. I have small hands, I'm a petite girl and I tried on the ones he selected, but even he had to admit they were all wrong. They just looked gaudy. So in the end he gets to choose the final ring, but he has a better idea about what I like as well. I have to admit that it felt romantic shopping with him. It felt really good.
We shopped a few times togeher. I went with friends a few times. I ended up finding a setting online and went to the store to have them order a sample to try on. And then we picked out the center stone together. Unromantic Maybe but i HATE surprises! and wouldnt have had it anyother way
Like other bees have said, it all depends on the two of you, your feelings, and what we make of it. We did some preliminary shopping locally to get an idea of what we liked, but then decided to go with an out of town jeweler because they offered Canadian diamonds, which we were very interested in. So, when we went to look at the shop in person, we made a whole romantic weekend of it by sightseeing, going for nice meals, visiting with friends, and just enjoying time out of town together with no distractions. The whole weekend was perfect, and we were actually trembling a little when we left the jewelry shop because we were both so excited about the new chapter in our lives that we were about to start!
My fiance and I looked together at his request. He openly said, I don't know anything about jewlelry. So we researched a great local jewleler, went together, and I gave him choices. I didn't want to know exactly what ring I would be getting. I still wanted an element of surprise. So I showed him two diamond cuts that I liked. Princess and Asscher. And showed him a few different settings that I liked. The jeweler was great that they would put the loose diamond in the setting for you to actually see what it would look like. I totally recommend finding a place like that.
Good luck!
I totally WANTED to go ring shopping and pick a ring out together and he refused. I, like you, think the significance of the ring comes from choosing it together, just like you're choosing to spend your lives together...But I'm not very traditional and clearly, my FH is...So there ya go...
I dont like surprizes very well... so when we decided we'd like to get engaged i wanted to be involved in the ring decision! and it was a very exciting and romantic opportunity, and its something that i will never forget. then when he knew what my likes where he went and got it on his own then proposed to me when he wanted to.. and i LOVE my ring!
I picked out my ring in January, and he proposed with it last weekend.
I'm really picky about jewelry, and he wanted to make sure it was a ring I loved. It worked out really well for both of us. And it's not like my proposal was any less perfect because I knew was the ring was going to look like.
We looked online together a few times, but never went into a store. He handled picking out the ring by himself. I loved the surprise!
I picked out my ring at the request of my FI. He knew he wouldn't have the first clue at what I'd want, and like others have said he wanted me to absolutely love the ring. While I knew what I was getting, I didn't actually receive it for nearly five months.
My sister gave her husband hints about what she absolutely did not want her ring to look like.
Everyone has diverging viewpoints on what constitutes romance. I can imagine some couples cherishing the experience of picking out the e-ring together; I know my parents enjoyed selecting my mother's engagement ring that way. It would be fun to share the excitement together.
Personally, I find surprises very meaningful and romantic as a general rule because of the thought and planning that goes into presenting your loved one with a burst of joy when all is revealed, so I felt strongly that I wanted to be surprised. I didn't give FI a single hint about what I wanted, though of course the logical corollary to that is that I had to avoid even having any strong opinions so that I wouldn't be disappointed. I was worried it would be too much pressure for him to handle, so I briefly acquiesced at one point, "You know it'll be okay if you propose without a ring and then we pick it out together." He smiled and changed the subject, and I'm so glad and proud of him that he got the ring without any input from me. It melts my heart to think of him painstakingly selecting such a beautiful ring with me in mind. But that's just my perspective, as I said, every person has their own preferences regarding romance.
For me, I think it would have been less romantic. I was totally surprised when he proposed and he did an awesome job picking out the ring. I wouldn't change that moment for anything. But, I've had a few friends that picked out their rings and LOVED the experience of it all. So it really depends on you and how you'd feel about it.
I went into some jewelry stores alone and tried on different styles of rings (halo vs solitaire, round vs princess) to get an idea of what I liked and thought suited my hand. He asked me to email him the links to 5 different rings, just "for fun." Ha ha we both knew it was because he was going to pick from the five and proposal, but I thought it was more romantic than if we went shopping at the store together, because then why not just wear the ring immediately?
One drawback to this is that if you have a secret favorite pick out of your choices, you might not get the exact ring you want. 4 of my picks were solitaires, and 1 was a vintage embroidered halo. He kept hinting that he bought me the "one that stood out the most," so for about 2 months I imagined my halo and got more and more excited. When I saw the solitaire, I was very surprised. At first I kept thinking about the halo, but after about 2 weeks, I began to love how versatilre and stunning my ring is. I have no regrets letting him pick from different options for a ring. It feels like he picked it out and I still got my 2 (or 5) cents :)
Every couple is different. Some may want to go in personally and select it together, and this is a sweet and romantic time for them. I think either way is romantic and acceptable.
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