Post # 1
So, quick background. I’ve never been a girl that can seem to keep friends and at the grand old age of 34 I’m starting to wonder why.
Last year I had a friend (a girl I worked with for two years) and I suddenly realised that during our email conversations, over the last year, I had mentioned to her 15 times that we should get together for a catch up. This girl always had some excuse and we only live 20 minutes away from one another. I decided to let the ‘friendship go’.
Recently, I had two female friends that I went out with once a month. I couldn’t make one of our evenings out,due to prior committments, and they have completely cut me off. I started to notice that they were making snidey comments in texts to me but I ignored it as healthy banter.
Does anyone else have problems keeping friends? I completely understand that people are busy these days, myself included, but I recognise the importance of putting in the effort with friends.
I’m not at the stage of wondering what it is I’m doing that’s so wrong.
Post # 3
Ya…. that’s why I’m not good at making new friends. I don’t trust people not to flake on me like that. My BFF has been my BFF since third grade. She has almost no other friends… and I only have a few. Quality over quantity. A previous thread mentioned someone who was worried about only having 30 friends to invite to her wedding… most of us had 5-10 from our whole lives. I have three or four people that I would share things with. I think it has to do with getting older; you don’t have your circle of 10 high school friends anymore, but just those who matter. But it’s HELLA hard to make new ones. Even after grad school, the only new good friend that I’ve made recently is my neighbor, and that’s just a coincidence that it worked out. *hugs*
In this case, it’s not you; it’s them.
Post # 4
I’m also the same. I had plenty of friends growing up but now it’s sad to say I have 0 friends just my husband and children. I’m quite shy and avoid most social events if I can.
Sorry that I can’t be if any help!
Post # 5
Since the breakup of my first marriage I have lost a lot of my friends. I still have a few good friends but my best friend is definetly my FI.
Post # 6
@skyeatnight: I’m a fairly social person and I have lots of acquaintances. As for friends, I’d say I’ve got 5 people that will be with me 30 years from now. The rest are situational people who I like, but am not deeply connected to.
that said, it shouldn’t be that you have no friends or acquaintances. I wonder about the people you are choosing to let into your life.
Post # 7
It’s possible that you’re giving out a vibe that you aren’t aware you are. It’s HIGHLY unlikely two friends would start getting snarky and ignoring you just because you couldn’t attend a single get together.
Post # 8
Just to clarify I do have friends. I have trusted ones I’ve known for a very long time. The problem is the new ones I make.
winstonchurchill the two girls I was referring to work together and have done for years. Perhaps it’s due to when I attend lunches and nights out with them I don’t get blinding drunk like they do. I can usually only manage a couple of glasses and I’m done. They’s much closer due to doing 8 hour shifts a day. Perhaps I just don’t fit in with their drinking culture.
The particular night out I couldn’t make, due to a meal with a long time friend, seemed to be taken as me being ‘unsociable’. I only know this as they both banged in to my husband and said they “didn’t believe I was out and just used it as an excuse to cancel”. They told my husband they would be checking my windows on the way past to the next pub and prove I was lying. C’mon now, are we 34 or 13??? I just don’t get why they think I lied about it. Maybe it is vibes I’m giving off
Post # 9
@skyeatnight: We only have a few friends we can actually count on outside of family. We aren’t fussed about it though because we are busy enough that we don’t feel a void. In fact, we are probably the ones who are hard to make plans with because we don’t make friendships a priority (our relationship comes first, family second, then work, then friends).
If it were me, I’d probably just ask those mean girls outright what their problems are.
Post # 10
“Perhaps it’s due to when I attend lunches and nights out with them I don’t get blinding drunk like they do.”
That sentence, there. That portrays an image you hold of them and a way you see them that they can almost definitely feel, and wouldn`t encourage warm fuzzy feelings between you.
Post # 11
could be you, OP. I have no problems making friends. I understand people can be flakey sometimes, don’t take it personally, keep being their friend. of course I prefer to keep friends who are responsible closer, but not everyone can be good at keeping schedules.
I wouldn’t trust my flakey friends with my life, no. but I can still have fun with them, when we DO make it out! 🙂 and yes, I do have best friends who are never flakey, and I’d choose to hang with those people every time–but since I’ve moved, I don’t have them as a choice anymore. I trust eventually I’ll meet more friends who aren’t flakey, but for now, I’m friends with anyone who’s a decent human.
Post # 12
I’m TERRIBLY flakey. I know this and my 2 best friends know this. The good thing is one of them is pretty flakey too lol Probably 1/10 times we plan to hang out, we actually do.
When I’m first starting a friendship though, I definitely curb the flakiness. I also tend to warn people if we’re starting to get really close. It’s annoying, I know that. It’s annoying to ME. But I’m also someone who you can rely on when you REALLY need it. I may not come to the movie with everyone like I talked about but if your car broke down and you need a ride, I’ll be there in 5 mins flat.
I also don’t need or want friends that are clingy anymore. I used to be SO clingy, I wanted to talk to you all the time and I’d get mad if I text you and you didn’t text me back quick enough. I’ve changed SO much and now I don’t like people like that.
I just feel out friendships I guess. Luckily, I’m not looking specifically for friends right now but when we move, I’ll need to make friends & probably have to try harder lol
Post # 13
@skyeatnight: I’m very antisocial, and I suspect I’m somewhere on the autism spectrum or that I’ve got something else similarly diagnosed.
This means that I have zero friends. None whatsoever. Most of the time, I’m ok with that.
I was ok making friends throughout school, but after high school, when my friends deserted me, I had no desire to have friends anymore.
I had always been shy and awkward socially, but this type of antisocial was new to me when they left me. It might have had something to do with why they left. I had cheated on my long distance bf with my now-FI. They got self-righteous, called me a slut and that was that.
After that I alienated all my other friends left over from childhood, and had a really tough time through college just making small talk and getting to know people.
Nowadays, FI is my best (and only) friend. I know, I know, that’s bad. But he understands, and I always encourage him to go see his friends, so in a weird way, it works out for us.
In your case, I just don’t think you fit in well with those two girls you were talking about. Not the same interests and all that jazz. I’d move on and just try to make other friends.