(Closed) Is it normal to be invited to a shower but not the wedding?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

No, that’s super rude. She wants you to celebrate her marriage with her and for you to get her a present but you don’t get to be included in her wedding.

Post # 4
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think that’s odd and rude – kind of gift-grabby to invite you to a shower but not to the actual wedding event.

Post # 5
Member
1122 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@missbumblebee:  Thats odd. If I invited you to my bridal shower I would definitely invite you to my wedding. Seems a bit gift grabby although I hate to throw that term out. 

Post # 6
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

No and I agree that it’s incredibly rude.  I would not attend a shower for a wedding I was not invited to.

Post # 7
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m sure it happens, but it is very rude.

It basically says, “You aren’t important enough to come to my wedding, but you should get me a gift anyway.”

Post # 8
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

No. You should ask her about it. Maybe she has the wrong address or hasn’t sent them out yet??

Post # 9
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee

Odd.  Very odd.  And quite rude if you’re actually not invited to the wedding.  I’d be pretty pissed off. 

Post # 10
Member
763 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think it’s rude, but it happens a lot.  Especially if someone else is throwing the shower for the bride.  And in cases where the shower is a surprise, the host may not know who is invited to the wedding.

Either way, its poor practice, but it does happen a lot. 

Post # 11
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

That is so rude and against all known etiquette that if it were me, I would call her and say “I had a wonderful time at your shower! I’ve been looking forward to receiving a wedding invitation, but as it’s getting so close, I wanted to call you, because I am guessing that it got lost in the mail.”

Either something like this actually happened and it’s an honest mistake, or else she’s an incredibly rude person. In either case, you shouldn’t worry about offending her.

Post # 12
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

i wouldn’t even bother going to the shower, that’s def rude, she seems like she just invited you to get a present.

Post # 13
Member
1122 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Happy2bMrs:  Interesting point. In that situation I can see how that would happen. Although as the bride I would make sure I invited everyone who attended my bridal shower. 

Post # 14
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’d say it is definitely weird with a personal invitation but in some settings might be appropriate. For instance, I go to a very large church and couldn’t possibly invite everyone to the wedding. However, some of the ladies at church want to throw an open invitation shower for people from church to celebrate with me. Apparently this is common there and while some people will be invited to the wedding my mom said she goes to plenty of this style of shower at my specific church without the expectation of being invited to the wedding. She said there are some ladies who go regardless of how well they know the bride just because they are sweet and enjoy being a part of this type of event. However, if this is a friend and it was a personal invite, it does seem like they want a gift but aren’t polite enough to extend a wedding invite!

Post # 15
Member
763 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Blush.Champagne:  I actually had two surprise showers thrown for me.  In both instances, I had no idea that it was even happening, let alone be able to control the invite list.

I had a ton of people attend both showers that were not invited to the wedding. I could not add another 30 people to my invite list, even if I wanted to.  At the shower, the people who were not invited to the wedding likely knew they were not invited and came anyway.  They made comments like “you’ll have to show us pictures of the big day!”, etc.  making it clear to me that they knew they weren’t invited and they were ok with it.

Post # 16
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Not so strange in Aus for someone to be invoted to a hens night but not the wedding, although we dont do bridal showers often.I’ve never been to a bridal shower here and I think the whole event is gift grabby. What is the purpose of a bridal shower other then to shower with gifts?

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