(Closed) Is it normal to expect the whole wedding party to be there the night before?

posted 7 years ago in Grooms/men
  • poll: Should you assume the bridal party will be there ahead of time
    No - just check into the hotel, put their outfit on and see you at church! : (4 votes)
    12 %
    Yes - for last minute checks, and to be supportive/help out : (30 votes)
    88 %
    Other-explain : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1562 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    to me – i agree – they need to be there. TODAY (ack!) is our rehearsal dinner and our officiant and groomsman will not be there! we actually have 3 officiants (and they all know each other, well 2 are married to each other…) and so the one (not married) will be here doing the rehearsal and the one actually doing the ceremony will be here tomorrow (8 hour drive for he and his wife). so THAT will be interesting…not having them here for the rehearsal – but we don’t have a choice.

    the groomsman has to work and can’t get out of it…our venue has a wedding tonight and so we HAVE to have our rehearsal at 2 p.m.! it sucks because that totally screws everyone – but most will be able to make it…

    my brother surprised me yesterday and drove up from florida with he, his wife and their 2.5 year old (my nephew) who i’ve NOT met yet…and i immediately told my mom to get a tux on that boy as he’ll be our ring bearer – and THEY won’t be at the rehearsal…

    so yeahhhhh. tomorrow will be interesting! 🙂

    anyways though – you’re NOT being unreasonable to want them there – but at the same time a lot of things are beyond your control. 🙁

    good luck!

    Post # 4
    Member
    3162 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I feel like unless it is an emergency or you absolutely cannot get out of work (i.e. don’t have the kind of job where you can put in for that day way ahead of time) it’s pretty unacceptable not to be there. For me, I’m the bride that doesn’t expect anything from my BMs except to get the dress (two of which I actually purchased for them due to $$$ issues), and show up… and by “show up” I mean show up the day before! IMO, for the wedding party, the wedding starts on friday. I’d be upset if someone wasn’t coming without a valid reason. For the record, our entire wedding party will be there friday because they know they have to be, but also because they want to be!

    Post # 5
    Member
    3564 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I think if you’re having a rehearsal dinner, I can see why it would be somewhat necessary. We’re not, so it certainly wasn’t a necessity for us. That being said, I am spending the night before the wedding with 3 of my 4 BMs because I want to. FI will probably see his groomsmen the night before the wedding, since some of them are local. But it wasn’t a necessity for us. Although, I can understand wanting to have them there just to go over last minute details. That would definitely help put my mind at ease as well. I agree with @JuneBride: it’s not unreasonable to want them there, but it may not be possible for some people.

    Post # 6
    Member
    814 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    it will make you more at ease to have everyone there, when you do rehersal, things go wrong that you can fix before the ceremony!

    Post # 7
    Member
    4547 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I think it’s fairly standard that if there’s a reherseal the night before, everyone who is a part of the ceremony (bridal party, ushers, readers, etc) should be there for the reherseal.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1426 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I would say that they need to be at the rehearsal, etc. the night before unless there’s a REALLY good reason why they must miss.  However with it only being an hour/hour and a half away, I see no reason why they should have to spend the night in the venue town unless they want to.  I mean, it would be nice, but anywhere under 2 hours away (or even 3) I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that people went home for the night and came back the next day.

    Post # 9
    Member
    541 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I agree that the bridal party should attend, but in all honesty, it’s not something that couldn’t be reviewed with them on the day of (by someone that did attend the night before). In your circumstance, it just seems like you need to communicate your expectations more instead of assuming that they know what to do. Alot of ppl do not know what exactly is needed, other than the stuff you want them to do on the day of.

    Post # 11
    Member
    5671 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I agree that it would make things alot less stressful if they stayed over the night before, however it might be a little bit of a financial issue for some people. It can get expensive being in someone’s wedding and I’m not sure how much the hotel is but it might be a stretch for some people. I was just in a wedding where we had a very expensive dress, alterations, and shoes. I had to pay for my own hair and makeup, the room for the night of the wedding, a new suit for FI, gifts for shower and wedding, and destination bachalorette. When it came down to it, I didn’t have the extra $250 to pay for a room the night before, so I drove to the hotel early that morning.

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