Post # 1
I had posted my experience here and maybe some of you will remember.
After some heart to heart we decided to get some counseling and work on our issues. Last month has been pretty low key in terms of the drama and I see he is making genuine attempts to change things.
Yesterday was my first session with a seasoned therapists and I must say it was enlightening and emotional. However, post the session I felt even more angry at my husband and for all I went through. The next morning I felt a strange disconnect and a part of me really hated him for cheating me out of the future I had envisioned I am actually a little scared, as I thought therapy will help me vent out anger and I will feel emotionally lighter. But it was just the opposite.
In fact, he has been trying to kiss me and get close to me, but I actually felt physically uncomfortable. The lack of sex in the marriage really bothered me and one of the reasons, I dont feel desired or loved by him. But I just dont feel like even touching him anymore. Especially since the therapist thinks he has some unresolved issues as he can masturbate everyday prior to the wedding (hence doesn’t lack the sex drive), but always hesitating have a healthy sexual relationship with me. And that just turned me off him completely as I felt I deserve someone who desires me and has passion for me. Holding hands is not good enough!
Why am I posting this here? As I want to know is it normal to feel even more angry after therapy? In fact a part of me doesn’t want to many any effort with and I never had that feeling before.
Post # 3
@ID80: Therapy of any kind stirs up emotions. You are going to be talking about all the hurt and disappointment you’ve ever felt from your husband. If you dont’ have an emotional reaction to that, there is something really wrong. Stick with it. You have to dig up all the old stuff to get rid of it. It will get better but therapy isn’t magic. It takes time and dedication.
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@ID80: Definitely normal after the first few sessions. You are going to go through all of the stages of grief while in counseling so be prepared, anger is one of them. You are trying to get through the death of what you previously envisioned your married life to be so that you can create a new vision of your married life.
Stages of Grief & Recovery
1. SHOCK & DENIAL
2. PAIN & GUILT
3. ANGER & BARGAINING
4. “DEPRESSION”, REFLECTION, LONELINESS
5. THE UPWARD TURN
6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE
Post # 5
@ID80: it sounds like therapy is doing the work it should – helping you come to terms with the reality of your relationship. you have to see problems for what they really are before they can be fixed, right? it’s normal and healthy to feel angry when working through problems.
Post # 6
@ID80: My FI and I started couples counseling about 6 weeks ago. The first session I didn’t feel like we “solved” anything, but it was a step in the right direction.
After the second session we both started to make steps forward and thought it was very worthwhile. Throughout therapy you’ll go through a one step forward one step back phase. We would leave a session feeling on top of the world, only to have an argument the next day. It happens.
We are in such a happy place right now, but we had to work really hard to get here.
Post # 7
Thank you for sharing your own personal experiences. I am just so angry at him and myself for believing in us. I can’t even look at him and when he was kissing me and hugging me, I actually felt a little physically sick, which has never happened before.
Post # 8
Yes, yes, yes! There were so many times I would think that it wasn’t working because I would just be so mad and angry at her afterwards. It will get better, you have to let yourself feel those emotions to let them go.
Post # 9
I wonder if you’re feeling angrier now because your therapist has validated your feelings and that your husband has hurt you. Before, it sounds like your husband just brushed your feelings away and caused you to doubt yourself. Now that you have a therapist who is listening to you and taking your feelings seriously, you are starting to take them seriously, yourself.
I’m sorry that you’re hurting right now. I think you are doing the right thing by seeing the counselor. Hang in there.
Post # 10
I think you hit the nail on the head. Before that my husband kept saying things can be worse or we have an emotional connection etc. The therapist questioned his lack of sexual energy an wants to dig deeper. She also found some of his behaviour odd and even told him he has to cut back drinking and stop smoking and that its an issue. I did get that sense of validation that these issues are just not in my head and settling isnt good enough for me.
Post # 11
I don’t blame you for being angry right now–hopefully your feelings will start to change soon!
Post # 12
Therapy is like ripping off a scab of a non-healing wound: MAN IT HURTS! You think, why did we even do this? Why am I even bothering with it? Sometimes you have to take the top layer off to treat the real issue, and then let it heal slowly.
Hugs, and have patience.
Post # 13
@ID80: You know when my ex H confessed to KNOWING he was driving me away and making me look crazy, I got really really really pissed. Like, “You KNEW this whole time, yet to used every fiber in your being to make it look like I was certifiably crazy?” Yes, I had angries. So I can surely see how you would be angry too.
It was probably the first time the anger actually came out in me.
Does your therapist know about the verbal and emotional abuse he’s putting you through? I think when verbal and emotional abuse enters a marriage, I don’t usually have much hope for vast improvement. Why? Well I was in one like that, and had therapy for a year myself, read countless books on it, and it doesn’t get better.
Post # 14
I think so, I am in therapy for personal reasons every week or week and a half, and sometimes I feel angry when I leave. I think it stirs up emotions, but if you stick with it and keep going you will begin to see some of the light.
Post # 15
I don’t blame you at all. It sounds like he was shifting all blame on you not to mention calling you horrible names and treating you badly. He can pamper you and dote on you all he wants but that doesn’t take away the bad things he has done, especially if you don’t trust that he’s working on his issues for himself. I guess you have to decide if there is anything worth salvaging and if so, is it possible to do it. Glad you are in therapy to help you figure it out!