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I think he is fine with it, he just doesn't get how much planning needs to happen for even the simplest of weddings (what we want.) I have asked him a few times in different ways and his reply is always 'yeah, ok.' He's a very blokey bloke and the glitz isn't his thing however I know getting married is important to him and he knows I want to be married before we start to try for children - which is what he really wants. If we get married this year, I'm prepared to start trying by the end of next year but if we get married next year, I will want to wait for the following year to start trying for kids. I want to have some time with him as my husband and get our finances and living arrangements settled before jumping straight into baby making.
@ruby13: You should ask him straight-out, "do you want a fall 2011 wedding?" and if he says yes, it's not nutty at all to start planning before the engagement. It's smart, actually. If he says anything other than yes... well that would be nutty to plan then. LOL
If you guys have a date, then you are engaged to be married.
If you don't, then yes,it's nutty to plan before you're engaged.
I would definitely get the confirmation from him for sure. If he's on board and okay with it 100% then I say go for it. But honestly in my opinion I would wait until the engagement before making decisions, especially even trying on the dress. It's okay to get ideas together, make a couple phone calls, etc. but I wouldn't do any more than that. Just my opinion.
Sept is 3 months away so I'm thinking that by now you should know for sure if you will be having a wedding or not so you can inform your guests and do all the necessary planning etc. You should also be putting down deposits because everything gets booked up if you wait too late. You need to have a serious talk with him and decide on a concrete date. If he doesnt want to say anything definite then you dont have anything to plan for
@MsCricket: I've known people that were engaged but had not picked a date yet. Does that mean they are not really engaged?
OP, I think if you and your SO are in agreement as to WHEN you hope to be married by, I think it's ok to start "looking" at things but not actually book anything yet (put down deposits, etc.). Go ahead and start getting your ideas together, venue comparisons, dress browsing, etc. I am doing the same thing so that when SO finally gives me the ring (that we BOTH know he is going to give me soon) I can just start making calls to the places that have made the top of my list. I think it's totally ok to get a head start now so you don't have to do research later.
I don't think planning before the engagement is a nuttydeal. In fact, I wish I had done it. If the engagement period is only a short time, it would be a huge advantage if you pretty much know more or less what you want. You wont have to worry about doing things last minute and go through that panic when the wedding day gets closer and you still have lots to do.
I knew my fiance was going to propose while we'd be visiting his family, but I was concerned about timing to wait for that trip...so I tried on dresses and started visiting venues before the ring. Didn't sign any contracts or put down money on anything until after the ring.
I don't think you should go too crazy, but you should talk to him about what date you want first and then start researching. Depending on the area you are in, vendors can be booked up to two years!
Not going to lie here- I wish I had planned before my wedding. It would have taken a lot of stress off the begining of my planning period.
Before I was engaged I was really concious of my ringless left hand and it stopped me from planning. But now that I've been meeting with lots of vendors, I have never seen a vendor check that I had a ring or anything like that.
I say go for it as long as your SO is on board!
Yes I'll admit it, I started the planning before the proposal. I knew it was gonna happen and we both knew we wanted a spring wedding this year so I went ahead and started getting ideas and collecting pictures. But I didn't book anything nor buy anything until the actual proposal. I planned our wedding in less than 6 months so the pre-planning really did help me out a lot. Good luck with everything!
@bells: Agree. A fall wedding for this year is, like, painfully soon. Don't most venues fill up by this point?
I started planning in January 2011 for our wedding in October 2011. He didn't propose until April 2011 but I knew he had the ring and we both wanted a fall wedding this year. I think it is very smart as I have the venue and my dress before the ring came! Two huge weights off my back - also I had done a ton of research for the DJ, photog, officiant, ect... so all I did was go back into my folder of saved info and it made for a much easier time. There is still much to do, but all the big things are booked so I can breathe easy - I say go for it even if it IS just doing research, getting names, and comparing prices.
I think there is nothing wrong with researching things. Maybe not "planning". No deposits, tours, purchases. But look into things you think you might want and you can either rule them out or add them to your "maybe" file. =)
I have heard over and over that everything you plan for before the ring will probably change because you then will have his input. Have fun looking at stuff and thinking about what you like. Then you will at least have a direction to go in once you are engaged.
But yeah, no "planning" =) I'm absolutely guilty of this! =) I wouldn't recommend it.
I would just try to have some solid ideas of things before the official "engagement." I thiink doing lots of research beforehand is totally fine (as I have been totally guilty of doing this :-)). It's hard to wait when you have a date in mind though!
Doing research is not planning.
It's one thing to collect inspiration pictures and look at vendor websites. No biggie there. I love photography and looked at almost every photog's website a year before we were engaged (we were together for four years and had already talked about getting married).
It's another thing to be working on contracts and details when your boyfriend is out of the loop. Ring or no ring, your boyfriend needs to be involved and aware of what is going on.
I think it is fine as long as you do it on your own time away from him and you dont start booking anything, researching is ok but no booking. I started researching before I was engaged and now that I have been engaged for only two days I am so glad I did because now I have some things ready to start the planning. Good luck and I hope you see a proposal soon. I know how hard it was waiting but it was all worth it.
If you both have agreed on a fall 2011 wedding and continue to talk about it, I would definitely be doing some research and "pre-planning." I would definitely bring up the subject with him and be sure you are both on the same page. How does he feel about you starting to plan?
Before I went away I approached him and said 'if we're getting married this year, this time in the city would be a good chance to look at stuff' and he was like 'ok, do you want to take your e-ring to get it cleaned & find a band etc.' Its all a little confusing but I do have a few things that I definately know I want to have. Crazy....I just feel like saying 'Put a ring on it already!!'
@ruby13: I'm a bit confused. You mention taking your e-ring to get cleaned but you are also saying he should put a ring on it. Are you engaged but just don't have a date, or are you waiting for a ring/proposal?
No offense but what a jerk to use your proposal as a means to punish you anywho, if you know for a fact he is proposing and this one is the one I don't see any inconvience with you pre-planning your wedding.
However, the one thing that will suck is if it does not take place , keep all the receipts of items you purchase incase that way you can get back all the money you spent in court if he doesn't propose (saw this once on Judge Judy).
I am waiting for a proposal. He has the ring which is a family heirloom from my mother - hence the need for cleaning. It hasn't been worn in a long time and its is very beautiful howeverI'm sure a clean wouldn't go astray.
I started..not things like trying on dresses, but I browsed the net and made lists of dresses and venues I liked, I also just kept a spreadsheet of ideas/visions I had for a possible wedding. This helped me plan my wedding post-engagement. But I would keep any planning quiet ;)
What might help is to start getting a scrap book (or electronic alternative!) to put all your ideas in. I did that before we were officially engaged. (we had talked about marriage a lot and also had decided on a date). I really helped to have the ideas and potential vendors because it meant I saved a lot of time later.
TBH, as others have said, I think it's a bit too late for a Sept/Oct 2011 wedding now, unless you've already booked your venue... It's not impossible but you'll be in for a stressful time! How about next year?
One couple I know had planned out a ton of things before he proposed. They already had the date, venue, and religious person doing the service.
Another woman I know bought her dress before he proposed, because she knew it was coming soon and there was a sale.
I think that research is always a good idea, I have a million subfolders in my "wedding inspiration" folder! However I wouldn't actually put money down on anything or go visit venues without talking to my SO and making sure he's on board 100%.
Planning is one thing. Plunking down deposits, purchasing things, and trying on gowns is another. I wouldn't do any more than put ideas on paper and maybe make some phone calls until I had an official engagement (not necessarily a ring) and a date has been decided on. I'm not wishing this for you but, imagine how disappointed you'll be if you spend money, find a gown, etc. and things are postponed or don't even happen.
No I wasn't ever going to buy a gown before an engagement but I did want to get an idea of what style suits my body etc. The closest bridal shops are 4 hours away so I wanted to do that kind of stuff while I had the chance so that when the time comes, it doesn't take as long to commit. As for venues etc, where we live is wuite rural so options are limited, as are the number of weddings in a year! We definatley want the ceremony in his parents garden and possibly the reception as well.
It's nutty yes but unless he's specifically said yes, we're getting married in ____ the proposal is just a formality.
@ruby13: Ok. That makes sense now.
I think it's ok to pre-plan as long as your SO is on board. Looking up things online and perhaps even making a few calls (for information) would be ok. I would not start planning to the point that I need to put down a deposit or actually purchase anything. Basically, getting ideas for floral arrangements, bridesmaid's dresses, wedding colors, etc would be about it.
As far as the dress, I would look online at styles, but I wouldn't actually try anything on. Trying on dresses is a very special experience that should be shared with a few people you are close to (ie your mom, sister, MOH). IMHO, it would be awkward to make a dress appointment without an official engagement. I know that if I went out alone to try on dresses, I'd be afraid I wouldn't be able to include my mom and sister in my dress-finding experience. How much fun will it be if they showed up and I already had my heart set on a certain dress?
Ok Bees, I have an update - we were talking the other night and he said 'We're getting married this year aren't we' and I was like 'Yeah ok....when?' So we tossed around a few dates and came up with October 8 or NYE. So what do I dot now??!!
@ruby13: Oh man! October 8! That's right around the corner!!! While it would be really exciting to get married so soon, he better get his butt in gear! Is it possible that he's waiting to propose on a certain date (ie anniversary or holiday)?
There are times where I really don't understand men!!!!
Ha ha ha....I know its close but I don't mind. He's terrible at remembering dates and is flat remembering my birthday let alone when we got together! Goodness knows what he is planning but I agree, he needs to get a wriggle on!! What are the things I can organise without an exact date?
I would be researching as much as possible! Is your SO pretty open? Would he be ok if you discuss plans with him? How does your SO feel about you pre-planning? He's obviously planning to be married by the end of the year, so if I were you, I'd start making a list of all of my ideas and copy and paste pictures of things I like! It would just be ideal to be able to have your SO's input.
I think that if you can make a very detailed list, you would be much better off. Some of the smaller details can actually be more versatile, if that makes sense. If you pick your wedding colors, BM dresses, menu, center pieces, floral arrangements, linens, cake and ceremony music/vows/reading/etc, these things can be implemented regardless of where you wind up having your ceremony or your reception. I think this is especially important because there may be some venders who may already be booked for the date that you chose, especially since your potential dates are quite soon (ie the October date!). If this is the case, you could choose an alternate location, but the details would remain the same.
I wouldn't actually purchase anything or put money out at this point, but as soon as you are officially engaged, or you decide on an exact date, you'll have your homework done.
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HI everyone! I'm still waiting but I've been super busy lately and haven't noticed AS much but I still think about it a lot as I'm running out of time for the Sept/Oct wedding I thought we would have. Mr. is planning on proposing any day now I think but he's away ATM which is frustrating...he can't propose while he's away! I went away for work last week and he said 'I was going to ask you before you left.' but my big mouth and I said something silly that put him off. Grr, been kicking myself all week.
So, what I'm wondering is what are the things I can get into place for a wedding later this year before he propses or do I have to wait it out before I can do anything. I really don't want to put our wedding off till next year, I feel like I've waited too long already. I want to get it out of the way so we can start to move on from this limbo, defacto, bf/gf kind of stage.
Is it really bad luck to try on a gown before you are engaged? I have to go back to the city for a week on Sunday so it would be a good chance to get a few things organised...bands, a gown, shoes, entertainment, invites etc. A couple of those things require knowing a date too.
I don't want to seem like a nut or a bridezilla but I have been waiting a long time and the way he is talkng lately an engagement is inevitable. I had always hoped that a proposal was the one thing that might go right for us but there have been so many hiccups with it that I just want to get it all over with.
Bit long....sorry.