A lot of women on this board are OK with their SO getting a lap dance and/or visiting a strip club. I am curious if these same women would mind if their SO got a lap dance from a friend or stranger, for free, in an environment other than a bachelor party or strip club.
@bunnyharriet: Strip clubs I don't LIKE per se, but I'd be ok w. my guy going for a bachelor party or something. I draw the line at lap dances, though. It just weirds me out. That crosses over from the looking to the touching, which I am not ok with.
A lap dance from a friend or stranger? Unless this was a hired stripper for some function, then I would go ahead and call this cheating. It's a sexual act being performed, isn't it? I can't really think of any occasion where a lap dance from a friend or stranger could occur, unless it was some drunken college party lol. I am not too worried about my 40 yr old other half getting a lap dance from anyone.. but theoretically I'd be against it, in a strip club or elsewhere.
ETA: I assume we're talking about serious lap dances where the lady is wearing little to no clothing.. not a fully clothed lap dance (if such a thing exists). Odd question but now you've got me thinking hahaha.
I am not OK with my SO visiting a strip club, getting a lap dance, etc, no matter who is doing the stripping. I have personally gone to parties where girls have stripped down and given lap dances! That's when my SO and I would split, but I have seen men who I know to be in a relationship, ogling the naked girls and receiving the lap dances.
The last party I went to was actually a wedding, and toward midnight, girls did start flashing their asses and breasts. My SO and I left, and I later found out several girls wound up topless bu the end of the night and a couple were grinding on men. One of the women ( a married woman in her late 20s with two children!) gave a lap dance to a guy who is in a relationship.
I would like to know what lady goes up to a man and says, "Hey, you look like you could use a free strip show. No, no, no. I'm doing this out of the goodness of my heart, Mister. Put those dollar bills away!"
:O
@Torrid: You'd be surprised.
This is a horrible story, and I hate that it even happened, but I must share.
A few years ago, my SO and I were invited to a party that we decided not to attend. OK, so these two girls (they were literally girls, 16 and 17) got really drunk and started making out. Then they got stark naked and started performing oral sex on each other in front of the whole room (about 30 people I heard). Whoa. Nobody tried to stop them and bring them back down to earth. They just let them carry on like that.
My SO and I have talked -- I'm a-OK with strippers, lap dances, whatever. I don't care. At the end of the day, he's crawling into bed with me. So, he can look at the menu, he just can't order off of it.
My SO is not a big strip club guy. If he went to one for a bachelor party or something similar, it wouldn't be a big deal to me. If someone bought him a lap dance, I wouldn't be thrilled, but not really upset either. If he bought one for himself, I would be agitated. If he got one from a non-stripper, I would be livid.
@bunnyharriet: That is insane. Do you have a lot of wild friends? Maybe we are old and boring, but the craziest thing that ever happens at parties we are invited to is someone getting in a (verbal) fight.
@2bliss: I have some acquaintances that are pretty wild, but my friends are all tame. I was stunned when I heard that story (even though both of the girls were very promiscuous, but still, even for them, it was a crazy thing to do).
No, absolutely not.
We tend to be very fair in our relationship. He would not be comfortable with a man touching me like that, so why should I be okay with another woman touching him like that?
It helps that we're both kind of possessive of each other, haha.
Nope. Then again, I'm not okay with another naked/mostly naked woman grinding on my SO in any context. Why should I be?
@kayrie95: +1
@misskittenn: My SO would be livid if I visited a strip club with male strippers. He would flip. I feel the same way. I wouldn't visit any strip clubs anyway. Call me old fashioned (I am 25 lol), but a strip club doesn't seem like the most appropriate environment for anyone in a serious relationship. Just my opinion of course, but that's how I feel.
@bunnyharriet: How drunk do you need to be for that???? I'd think they were high for sure lol
No. Strippers are selling a service at a club. Various regulations go with that. Some random chick? Absolutely not, because she has no "rules".
Personally I don'treally care if he goes for a reason like a bachelor party, if he was going just to go, I'd be upet about that. I do draw the line with a lap dance, especially a private one. I'm ok because first of all I don't really think he enjoys it, he one of those guys who's like how is it a good time for me to watch women naked that Im not going to sleep with anyways? He felt that way when we were just friends too, like why pay someone to get naked and strip if I'm not getting anything anyways lol. Secondly, looking for me is like whatever, I've been to a strip club and seen naked women too. It wasn't as exciting as it is in the movies. Touching and having naked crotch an inch from his face is different than someone being up on a pole on stage to me.
Everything FREE is good right? NOT really. I would really have an issue with that, not just because I consider that anyone who engages in such things is objectifying women. If my SO is happy with me why would he need that kind of thing? for me it's a big fat NO.
@bunnyharriet: I would have been livid at those friends. And most likely would never talk to them again. Those are minors and all of them participated in the deliquency of those minors, and possibly worse charges like child pornography.
That is absolutely a line that should never be crossed.
Mine hasn't been before, so if he wanted to go for his bachelor party I would probably be thinkin about it while hes gone but I wouldn't say no. He would be fine :)
I'm fine with strip clubs. My FI has been to them, but not since we met. He will go for his bachelor party and I'm fine with it, lap dances are fine, but nothing ever outside of a strip club. Pretty sure I would call that cheating! If it's in a strip club, it's all anonymous fun and games with rules and lots of people around. I consider that a very specific scenario.
Ya we don't really know people like that, or go to parties with people who do stuff like that, so it's not kind non-applicable.
For the record, I could give a crap less about a strip club.
From a stripper during a bachelor party...I don't care. Have fun. From a woman for free or going to a strip club every weekend seems highly inappropiate. And yes, there is a huge difference.
@bunnyharriet: I am totally NOT ok with my SO getting a lap dance from a stripper or anybody else. I am not even ok with him going to a strip club. Looking at a naked woman gyrate on a pole is a form of sexual titillation and I certainly don't want him thinking ofanother woman while he's banging me. I think these acts are demeaning to the women in their lives and if having a relationship with a man means facing this amount of humiliation then sorry, I don't need a guy that bad. I'd rather be single than be with a man who derives his pleasure from seeing/feeling other naked chicks.
It's not okay by me at all, the only person he should ever get lap dances from is me. So no strippers, and definitely no friends/strangers doing it for free!
If he went to a strip club for his bachelor party and got a lap dance fine, it isn't really going to bother me. However if some random girl just wanted to give him a lap dance, for free at that, then there is something more going on and that way beyond crosses the line of cheating for me. Somehow I doubt a "friend" is going to be offering him a free lap dance if she doesn't have some sort of emotional connection.
@bunnyharriet: Unless these strippers have vaginas that have the power to put people under some sort of trance like state, I'm not quite sure how some woman - whether I know her or not, swinging her nipple tassles challenges my relationship with my partner. She goes home with me. She sleeps in my bed. She's marrying me. We have a relationship together. The stripper or whoever it is, has taken her clothes off... She's got a long way to go if she wants to come inbetween us (I'm pretty sure she does it for money and NOT to ruin relationships..) and we both know it. I honestly dont see the problem. Let her swing her nipple tassles, just make sure I'm there too so I can have popcorn.
I'd probably question my friend if she suddenly get her kit off and starts lap dancing my partner. But then, my friends wouldnt do that as none of us work as lap dancers.
I quite enjoy a lap dance myself. We are both planning trips to lap dancing bars as our hen parties. Hers will probably be more burlesque and mine will probably go a bit further. We'll live.
As long as it doesnt change our relationship, our commitment to eachother, then I have no problem. I trust my partner not to let it just like I trust her with everything.
I would say No to that, but I wouldn't mind SO going to a strip club and getting a lap dance from a proffessional, however when I told him this he went bright red and said he would be too embarrassed to even go into a strip club haha! Bless him <3
I'm totally fine with strip clubs. The strip clubs I've been to are so heavily regulated that I could probably get away with touching the strippers, but the guys get bounced for getting touchy feely. I'm not entirely sure where FI or I would ever be where a random chick would come up to him and want to give him a lap dance for free, but I'd probably laugh if someone did because he's so awkward around women.
I completely trust him no matter where he is - he's an adult and has self control, and let's be honest, most men who cheat are going to do it in an office/work setting with someone they meet who is fully clothed.
Strippers are ok, they have no interest in getting with a guy and are just performing a service.
A normal woman rubbing up on a guy is trying to hook up with him. That's not ok.
The problem is not SO touching another woman, but the intent and what happens afterward.
I wouldn't care about a lap dance at a strip club from a stripper that someone bought him for his bachelor party. I just wouldn't really care. I've had plenty of lap dances myself. This is not the same as me saying I would be okay with him going to a strip club every month/weekend to get lap dances, because I wouldn't be.
No I wouldn't be ok with some friend giving him a lap dance or strip show. A stripper has no interest in these clients, it's what they do for work. A friend would only be doing that because they intend or want something to happen.
These are two completely different things.
And those parties OP is mentioning with lap dances and nakedness...whoa! But I could see something like this with parties full of 17-20 year olds. I remember my friends playing some strip type drinking games at parties when I was 18 or 19. But since both FI and I are 28, we just don't really party with people this age. All of my friends are old enough now to know to keep their clothes on.
For a bachelor party, I'd be okay with him going to a strip club and getting a lap-dance. Hopefully, he wouldn't buy one for himself (I'd be more angry at the fact that he spent money on something stupid, lol). I've always been in the "you can look, but you can't touch" camp. I'd be a little more upset if it was anyone other than a stripper performing a lap-dance. I feel like that crosses some sort of line with me.
When the bachelor/bachelorette party topic comes up, I'm pretty quick to remind him that the same rules apply to both of us. Now, do I plan on getting lap-dances from guys? Absolutely not! But it's nice to remind him that he really doesn't like the idea of me touching other guys, just like I don't like the idea of him touching other girls.
It depends. A lap dance from a stripper is totally okay obviously because she's doing a job. She could give a lap dance to a tree if the tree tipped her well, ya know? It's not emotional or anything. If it was a friend and she got drunk and we're all having fun and she decides to do, I wouldn't really care, although the FI would probably think it was dumb and stop her. If it was a total stranger...I wouldn't be thrilled.
Any woman stripping or giving a lap dance to a "taken" man is wrong! It is cheating. If I walked into a bar, sat on a guy's lap and told him for $100 bucks I'd remove my shirt and bra and dance for him, I'm sure that would be cheating...because it is! Strippers are still human beings. Just because they choose that for their job, doesn't change that.
@bunnyharriet: I voted that DH can get a lap dance from a stripper, (which would be at a place of business). Just like if someone offered me a free massage on the street I would say no and book an appt for a massage at a place of business. Just like if I was at a party and a guy offered me a massage I would say no. For me it's all about surroundings, circumstances that determine whether or not something is appropriate. A dance from a stripper is her job, some girl that wants to rub up on my DH for free is a horny woman.
No. Sure I trust him but I am his wife... I should be all he needs.
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