Post # 1
So, I am a waiting be. Meaning I’ve received a pre-engagement ring. (whatever that means)
Long story short, my bf and met 1 year ago Aug 10. His family is well off. His dad is a dentist so he needs for nothing.
My family on the other hand, my mother is mentally ill in a hospital and my father is an alcoholic. Even after 15 years of not being around my whole childhood, he still doesnt want to be a dad. And to top it all off another family member used my social to run up bills, so Im in debt
On a brighter note, although I do not have a job I did get a scholarship to get my bachelors in Biology. My family doesnt have alot of money so they cant buy me a car.
So, my bf pays for alot of stuff for me and him. He never complains. But it makes me feel like a loser for the fact that i cant just hand him money. I know that there are girls who dont mind if their bf pays for everything. He says its ok because he knows Ill have a really good career soon.
How do I get over this feeling of being a loser? Is it ok to feel this way?
Post # 3
Well, maybe make plans to pay him back? I come from a background where there wasn’t quite enough money to go around and my husband is upper middle class, so we had very different views about money. I still stress out when he is just like, “No biggie, my parents can give us some cash.”
Anyway, I think I get where you’re coming from, but he loves you and wants to help you, so let him. I wouldn’t make an issue out of it, and like I said, you can always work on paying him back in the meantime. Since it sounds like you’re in college, get a job through the school too.
And no, you shouldn’t feel like a loser. Not everyone is rich, let alone born to a financially savvy family… How is that your fault?
Post # 4
I come from a poor family too. I know how it feels, but I have learned that there are different ways to support each other. My Fiance, when we first started dating, paid for a lot too. I had been laid off and, like you, my family has definitely known what its like to not have food sometimes so I didn’t have a lot of savings. He paid for our dates and little things for me. I felt like a loser too.
BUT I also gave him what he needed, like you do with your SO. You are there for him to confide in, you are a person he can trust, you are someone that loves him and those things are very important. When I learned to look at things that way I felt like less of a loser.
Now that I am making good money, I spoil him and there is nothing saying you can’t do the same. You don’t necessarily need to make a list of what you owe him, but more make a point of surprising him now and then when you can. Also, while you are in college, the surprises don’t have to cost money, they can just be little things you do for him to make him feel special.
With me and my Fiance it isn’t about who owes who or who paid for what. He does something for me and I do something for him. They may not cost the same but the sentiment is there.
Post # 5
I think if you really need to get over this you need to get a job and if you truely can’t find one despite your hardest efforts you can find peace in knowing you are actively trying to get a job to finacially support yourself.
If you’re trying (yet failing) you’re still trying, and that to me is enough.