Post # 1
Happy Sunday to all! I was hoping for some words of wisdom.
Typically, I am not a jealous person, but last night my best friend got engaged. I am thrilled about it because she has the best guy, they are stable, and they deserve nothing but happiness – but I couldn’t help but feel a little ping of jealousy. My bff and I have been talking about getting engaged for almost a year. We had both been with our guys for years and knew that it was coming, we just didn’t know when. Recently, we had started getting really excited because we could feel it. We had both gone ring shopping yada yada yada and last night he popped the question.
I think I felt jealous because I am afraid that if I get engaged right behind her people won’t be that excited for me. We have the same network of friends- are they going to feel for the next year and a half that everything friend 1 does, friend 2 is right behind? Because I’m already on a roll here, her ring is beautiful – I mean beautiful- and it’s the exact same ring that I wanted… I know her and she did not do that on purpose. We have the same style in everything else. But it still kind of hurt.
To make matters worse, I started venting to my guy about it and immediately wished I could stuff the words back into my mouth. Of all the people to vent to – why the guy who already has enough pressure on him about the engagement. Of course he’s so wonderful and amazing that the assured me that’s what he’s here for – the venting, the crying, the not understanding, and all the good stuff too – but my gosh, still? I couldn’t have picked up a phone!
Bee’s is it ok for me to feel this way? Should I have an attitude adjustment, or am I just adjusting to something new?
Thanks in advance
Post # 3
This is sort of like bride wars .. don’t dye her hair blue!
Post # 4
Of course you’re entitled to these feelings, as long as you don’t show them so clearly that you hurt your best friend. If you have a good relationship with your mum, or someone else outside your circle of friends, I would talk to them about it. You do need to vent, but it’s a good idea to be very selective about the person you tell! As for your boyfriend, I would apologize today and say that I got a little carried away – then move one with life without talking about it further unless he wants to.
And the day he proposes, I’m sure everyone will be just as happy for you too!
Post # 5
It’s always OK to feel how you feel! I think it is pretty normal for feeling a tad jealous when you are both hoping for the same thing and one gets it first. It’s what you do with it that matters. Vent to your SO or on here, but please don’t let HER know how you feel.
Your time will come. 🙂 Be happy for her.
Post # 6
I don’t really see much of a reason for you to be upset. My sister got engaged maybe 2 weeks after I did. Just know that your time is coming & I wouldn’t worry about the engagements possibly being close, etc.
Post # 7
I think it’s perfectly normal to feel a tad jealous. My FI brother proposed to his now wife about 6 months before my FI proposed. I couldn’t help but feel so jealous and then also feel like a terrible person for being jealous. Your time will come. My soon to be sister in law got married in October and Im getting married in March. I think it kinda worked out in my favor, becaussee she Just got married she still has “wedding brain” and wants to know all the details of mine, which I love talking about 🙂 shes also been helpful with some of the DIY projects.
My advise is to be there for your friend. Your time will come and she will be there for you. Also my FI really heard about it when they got engaged first. He did an ok job of making me feel better, but not really. Lol. I don’t regret showing him my feelings about it because i think it showed him just how much I wanted to get engaged, which happened 6 short months later 🙂
Post # 8
@philadelphiachic: This is a really exciiting time for your friend and her fiance. Please don’t ruin it for them by showing your jealousy.
That said, I do think it’s ok to feel a little ping of jealousy, so long as you don’t show it or let it get to you. Just keep in mind that not all relationships move at the same pace and what’s right for one couple may not be right for another.
You guys will get engaged when it’s right for you and not a second sooner, so there’s really no point in stressing out over it. Focus on helping your friend celebrate (or plan) and work on some hobbies you love to take your mind off it. And take walks outside (if it isn’t too cold); reconnecting with nature is always calming for me.
Post # 9
It’s perfectly normal to feel a little jealousy once in a while, especially when someone else gets something you want so badly. But please don’t think your engagement will be any less special because it’s second. There’s more than enough happiness to go around.
Post # 10
Thanks bees. Of course, I will never in a million years let my bff know that I am feeling a tinge of jealousy. I know when it is my turm, all feelings of jealousy will disappear and she will be there for me just like I intend to be there for her.
I was just shocked by the initial feeling – but I am glad to some extent it is normal!
Post # 11
@philadelphiachic: It’s OK!! It sounds like your turn is coming soon so just relax and enjoy the ride. Your ring, your engagement, your wedding will be every bit as special- and it will be YOURS! Hang in there.
If I had to “wait” all over again (I “waited” almost 7 years 😛 ) I would try harder to control the emotional venting and the pointy little comments that I sometimes made when we heard news of yet another friend’s engagement.
Your post reminded me of something I heard once, that words are like toothpaste- once they’re out of the tube it’s hard to get them back inside. A good saying to live by in my opinion, especially for waiting bees having a hard waiting day 🙂