(Closed) is it ok to get engaged before eloping?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA

That is totally ok!!  Eloping doesnt have to be a spur of the moment thing or a secret. You can have the full engagement and let all your friends and family be happy for you.  Maybe it would help to think of it more as a “private ceremony for just the two of you”.  Good luck!  And congrats!!

Post # 4
3184 posts
Sugar bee

That’s fine. I really wanted to do this too but then got steamrolled into having a wedding with 43 guest. Sigh…

Post # 5
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012


Eloping used to mean, two people sneaking off to be married.

Then it came to mean just 2 people going off to be married away from home (Eloping to a Destination Wedding)

It now gets sometimes confused with a Destination Wedding because of this… the difference tho by today’s definition a Destination Wedding has Guests invited (so a Regular Wedding just away somewhere)

Mr TTR and I got engaged in April.  We knew we didn’t want a BIG White Pouffy Family Wedding, because as Encores, we had each done that previously.  So we planned our Marriage to happen over the Christmas Holidays… just the two of us saying our vows on a Beach in Florida (Eloped to a Destination Wedding)


Hope this helps,

— — —


Feel free to announce you Engagement

How big a deal you make of everything will depend on how you feel about it, and whether it is your first marriage or not (Encores are usually by nature a bit more low key… ie we did not have an EParty… just got together for Drinks with Close Friends).  We also didn’t send out any sort of Formal Engagement Announcements, put anything in the Newspaper, or Save The Dates

We did have a Back Home Reception Party (casual) for Friends & Family when we got home.  It was super.  No BIG Stress over having to please people.  As there are no heavy duty rules of Etiquette for a Back Home Reception / Post Wedding Celebration you can make it whatever you wish.  We had an Evening Party… Cocktails & Hors D’ouevres – Cake & Champagne – DJ & Dancing.  Other benefits was it was fun… not a headache to plan… no sit down meal… so not very expensive (less than $ 100 per person)

Our Reception Invites were in a casual style… reflecting our overall theme.  We didn’t have a Vow Renewal, dress up, or throw the bouquet etc.  We did however have a Wedding Cake (which we cut), a first dance, and a Guest Book.

Our Printed Note Cards feature pics from our Wedding and inside say We Eloped !  We are using them for both Thank You Cards and Wedding Announcements (for anyone who gave us a gift, didn’t make the event, lived too far away to be invited… or may not have heard the news).


Post # 6
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@SlovenePrincess:  Absolutely, and in fact I think that’s the way it usually happens now. My Fiance and I were originally going to elope without being engaged first, and when I was googling how to tell people etc pretty much everything came from sources who got engaged and then decided to elope after all the stresses and pressures of wedding planning started to skew their ideal day. And as frugalfiance mentioned, it might be easier to think of it as a small private ceremony with just the two of you because I think sometimes people attach a negative connotation to the word “elope”. Not me though, I think it’s incredibly romantic!!

Post # 7
1069 posts
Bumble bee

Definitely ok!

I might be getting engaged by the end of the month and we plan on eloping. We might open it up as an open invitation for family and friends to come but we’re not sure yet… I fully plan on celebrating our engagement first though!

Post # 8
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

We eloped but I never announced an engagement.  I didn’t want people to think we were having a wedding, because I did not want to invite anyone I knew.

That being said, I think it’s still perfectly fine to get engaged first… but be prepared for the questions!

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