(Closed) Is it OK to invite some, but not others?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I would go with all or nothing, but that’s me. FI’s mother wanted us to invite only one of her sisters, because I’ve never met the others and she’s not really close to them. We did this at her request. We would have invited her, but my initial reason was that it would maybe be awkward to invite her and not the others. Does your FI or your familes have strong feelings about this?

Post # 4
Member
6125 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’ve always heard that if you invite an aunt/uncle, you have to invite them all.  Same with cousins, either none or all 1st cousins.

I guess the exception would be if your aunt raise you or something like that, but I have no link to document that one.

Post # 5
Member
10456 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I think it depends on your relationships. All or nothing is generally the rule, but if you are super close to some and see them daily while you haven’t seen others in 10 years… I think it makes sense to pick and choose who you invite.

Post # 6
Member
5983 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

It’s an invitation, not a political statement, sure some people might get bent outta shape, in the other hand, some people don’t care for weddings, it’s a crap shoot either way, the smart money is on you inviting the people you sincerely would like to share that moment with you, and forgetting about the rest.

Post # 7
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

We’re facing this dilemma on my side, and I think our decision is going to be to invite those aunts, uncles, and cousins that I still have a good relationship with. Some I haven’t seen in 10+ years and even my dad doesn’t have contact with, some I see at least twice a year even though they live 15+ hours away. In the end, while a wedding is about both the bride and groom and their families, we’re not trying to organized a famile reunion. If I would feel awkward seeing them (which I would!), I don’t think I need to invite them to my wedding

Post # 8
Member
986 posts
Busy bee

*Sigh* We had a similar issue – there’s a portion of Mr. Otter’s family that he has no contact with, but his parents felt that we should invite them as a courtesy (knowing that they wouldn’t come). At this point – we’re only inviting those that are on speaking terms with Mr. Otter and his parents. If they get upset, I guess we’ll take it from there! 

Either way, I hope it doesn’t cause too many problems for you!

Post # 9
Member
3267 posts
Sugar bee

@O.My.Heart:  It is perfectly polite to invite people by level of closeness vs. some arbitrary line in the geneology. 

Many people on this site advocate for all or nothing, because it is sometimes easier. 

You can be polite but still make people upset (justified or not).

The only rule for who must be invited is that social units must be invited together. 

So if you invite Aunt Jones, Uncle Jones must also be invited.  But you can invite Aunt and Uncle Jones, and not Aunt and Uncle Smith.

Post # 10
Member
7886 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Generally this is a no-no.  Only you know your family, but yes it can lead to hurt feelings.

If it’s different branches of the family (e.g. invite your mother’s siblings but not your father’s siblings) it’s less of an issue, but can still cause problems depending on the family. But to not invite some but not others from the same family… I would advise against it.

Post # 12
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

There’s definitely a chance they could be offended, but if you’re not inviting some because you don’t have relationships with them I think that they might understand and not be offended. I couldn’t personally only invite some, because we have a very close family. I didn’t invite any of them and I know one was a little bit upset, but understood because we’re only have immediate family and best friends (24 people total including us and our daughter).

Post # 13
Member
2694 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

It’s your wedding.  People will get upset but it is what it is.  I invited all of fi’s and gave them to the choice to come or not.

Post # 14
Member
12568 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

personally, I don’t think it’s okay to invite some and not others.  It shows favoritism and will cause a lot of hurt feelings.  I think that you need to do all or nothing with these types of invitations.

Post # 15
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I suck at etiquette.

😀

Post # 16
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

We are doing the same thing you are, and some will be invited while others will not. I am not particularly worried about offending people because we have a budget to be concerned with and if people cannot get around that – that is not my problem. I know that might seem heartless but that is just how I do things…

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