Is it ok to invite some cousins and not others?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@June202014Bride:  Better just to draw the line at aunts/uncles and invite zero cousins.  Inviting some but not others is more likely to cause hurt feelings.

Post # 4
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@June202014Bride:  We were in the exact same situation. I have tons of cousins on both my mother’s side and father’s side. I ended up only inviting a few of the cousins that I’m close with… We are having a larger wedding than 75 but more than half of our wedding is just made up of our family. There simply wasn’t any room to invite everyone plus our close friends. Unfortunatel, you will probably end up hurting someone’s feelings, but I would hope they would understand especially if you are not close with them. Best of luck!

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 5
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Hi @June202014Bride: first & foremost, I see this is your DEBUT post on WBee… so a Big Welcome to “the Hive”

Etiquette Snob here… lol

“Technically” you can invite whomever you choose… as it is YOUR PARTY.  And I am sure there will be many other Bees who will tell you this

Logistically tho that might prove to be a nightmare is as you say someone gets their panties in a knot about realizing that some are invited and some are not.

One way around this is to in your mind establish what you want your cut off point to be… such as 1st Cousins ok… no 2nd Cousins… and then work it out on paper to see if that will bring your numbers around to where you need them to be

Other Bees, have also done things like NO Kids under a certain age whatsoever (ok except for their own Sibblings & the Bridal Party Children = Ring Bearer, Flower Girl etc).

Or you can pick and choose who gets a Plus One… Married – Living Together – and Engaged tends to be the norm (as they are a recognized “social unit” by society).  This means no BFs & BGs or random dates (Plus Ones)

The thing here tho with all of these above, is TO BE CONSISTENT.  Because if you open the door for even one person… others will hear and pretty soon you have a flood of people demanding equal treatment

— — —

NOTE:

The one POLITE Exception you might want to make tho… is if you have your own Siblings or Bridal Party Members over the age of 18, you might want to allow them a Plus One of their choice… as they are making sacrifices for you on your Wedding Day.

So Best Man Bob… he could bring his Spouce, Fiance, SO (name on Invitation with his) or some gal he met last weekend, his best bud, sister, or even his mother if that is who he chooses to spend the weekend with (Bob & Guest.. which means he gets to do with as he pleases)

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 6
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My sister only invited the cousins that she liked.  No one seemed to mind. I decided to invite them all and then none of them came.  It is your wedding so I think you should do what is right for you.

Post # 7
Member
1584 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

My cousin that I have seen twice in the last 10 years deleted me from Facebook on the weekend because she found out I am getting married on Friday, and didn’t invite her. She doesn’t even know what my guest list is like, and she deleted me, so I say invite ALL or NONE.

Post # 8
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I have only invited 1 cousin so about 10 missed out. Some I’m close to but we are on a budget. Some have gotten married and I haven’t got my nose out of joint about it due to not being invited to their weddings. 

 

 

 

But its an interesting dilemma. I have invited an aunt and uncle from Aussie SO and I are close to, but not my aunt and uncle who live locally – so they are miffed. But my uncle has affairs so I don’t like how he treats the concept of marriage, plus he’s a drunk racist homophobic idiot. I don’t need ‘that’ on our wedding day. 

 

 

 

Its never an easy answer.

 

 

 

Post # 9
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Personally I’d just invite the ones I was close with, but then I only have three cousins so I guess I can’t really understand the family dynamics behind it.

Post # 10
Member
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Yes, I think its fine. I’d only invite relatives that you are close to/like.

Heck I didn’t even invite one of my 3 stepsisters 😛

Post # 11
Member
906 posts
Busy bee

It also depends on how well your cousins treat your so. I read a lot of discussion forums and read articles and as long as they treat you well and acknowledge your so then you should invite them all. If some of them don’t then I wouldn’t invite the cousins who dont aknowedge so. 

Post # 12
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I am in the same boat and struggling with it.  I don’t want to hurt people’s feelings but we don’t have a super large budget and I have a huge family. I think(and may change my mind still) that I am only going to invite very close cousins and just hope that people understand and get over it.  I think I will try to maybe give them parts or things to do to maybe make it seem like there was a specific reason they got invited.

Post # 13
Member
21 posts
Newbee

If you are concerned mainly about proper etiquette, you should invite all or none.  However, my personal opinion is that you should only invite those whom you are close to.  I would also encourage you to speak with your parents (if you are close) and find out if they have an opinion on the matter as it is their sibling’s children. 

Post # 14
Member
236 posts
Helper bee

My brother and I had this discussion regarding his wedding last year. We settled (between us and for our family) to invite all or none.  We have enough crazy family drama without adding that to it! It worked out as several cousins he wasn’t close too didn’t come, but a few surprised us!

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