Post # 1
I’m looking for some much needed advice. My fiances family is rather small so everyone’s able to get an invitaion to the wedding (cousins included). He only has a total of 6 cousins.
Now I have a MUCH larger family seeing as my mom’s side of the family is Mennonite. One of her brothers alone has 10 Children PLUS their spouses. So my question is this
Is it ok to only invite the cousins you were/are close with?
How would I do this without offending my Aunts and Uncles who are invited but maybe some of their children aren’t?
Only having 75 people at the wedding so inviting all of them to keep the peace is not an option.
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@June202014Bride: Better just to draw the line at aunts/uncles and invite zero cousins. Inviting some but not others is more likely to cause hurt feelings.
Post # 4
@June202014Bride: We were in the exact same situation. I have tons of cousins on both my mother’s side and father’s side. I ended up only inviting a few of the cousins that I’m close with… We are having a larger wedding than 75 but more than half of our wedding is just made up of our family. There simply wasn’t any room to invite everyone plus our close friends. Unfortunatel, you will probably end up hurting someone’s feelings, but I would hope they would understand especially if you are not close with them. Best of luck!
Post # 5
Hi @June202014Bride: first & foremost, I see this is your DEBUT post on WBee… so a Big Welcome to “the Hive”
Etiquette Snob here… lol
“Technically” you can invite whomever you choose… as it is YOUR PARTY. And I am sure there will be many other Bees who will tell you this
Logistically tho that might prove to be a nightmare is as you say someone gets their panties in a knot about realizing that some are invited and some are not.
One way around this is to in your mind establish what you want your cut off point to be… such as 1st Cousins ok… no 2nd Cousins… and then work it out on paper to see if that will bring your numbers around to where you need them to be
Other Bees, have also done things like NO Kids under a certain age whatsoever (ok except for their own Sibblings & the Bridal Party Children = Ring Bearer, Flower Girl etc).
Or you can pick and choose who gets a Plus One… Married – Living Together – and Engaged tends to be the norm (as they are a recognized “social unit” by society). This means no BFs & BGs or random dates (Plus Ones)
The thing here tho with all of these above, is TO BE CONSISTENT. Because if you open the door for even one person… others will hear and pretty soon you have a flood of people demanding equal treatment
— — —
The one POLITE Exception you might want to make tho… is if you have your own Siblings or Bridal Party Members over the age of 18, you might want to allow them a Plus One of their choice… as they are making sacrifices for you on your Wedding Day.
So Best Man Bob… he could bring his Spouce, Fiance, SO (name on Invitation with his) or some gal he met last weekend, his best bud, sister, or even his mother if that is who he chooses to spend the weekend with (Bob & Guest.. which means he gets to do with as he pleases)
Hope this helps,
Post # 6
My sister only invited the cousins that she liked. No one seemed to mind. I decided to invite them all and then none of them came. It is your wedding so I think you should do what is right for you.
Post # 7
My cousin that I have seen twice in the last 10 years deleted me from Facebook on the weekend because she found out I am getting married on Friday, and didn’t invite her. She doesn’t even know what my guest list is like, and she deleted me, so I say invite ALL or NONE.
Post # 8
I have only invited 1 cousin so about 10 missed out. Some I’m close to but we are on a budget. Some have gotten married and I haven’t got my nose out of joint about it due to not being invited to their weddings.
But its an interesting dilemma. I have invited an aunt and uncle from Aussie SO and I are close to, but not my aunt and uncle who live locally – so they are miffed. But my uncle has affairs so I don’t like how he treats the concept of marriage, plus he’s a drunk racist homophobic idiot. I don’t need ‘that’ on our wedding day.
Its never an easy answer.
Post # 9
Personally I’d just invite the ones I was close with, but then I only have three cousins so I guess I can’t really understand the family dynamics behind it.
Post # 10
Yes, I think its fine. I’d only invite relatives that you are close to/like.
Heck I didn’t even invite one of my 3 stepsisters 😛
Post # 11
It also depends on how well your cousins treat your so. I read a lot of discussion forums and read articles and as long as they treat you well and acknowledge your so then you should invite them all. If some of them don’t then I wouldn’t invite the cousins who dont aknowedge so.
Post # 12
I am in the same boat and struggling with it. I don’t want to hurt people’s feelings but we don’t have a super large budget and I have a huge family. I think(and may change my mind still) that I am only going to invite very close cousins and just hope that people understand and get over it. I think I will try to maybe give them parts or things to do to maybe make it seem like there was a specific reason they got invited.
Post # 13
If you are concerned mainly about proper etiquette, you should invite all or none. However, my personal opinion is that you should only invite those whom you are close to. I would also encourage you to speak with your parents (if you are close) and find out if they have an opinion on the matter as it is their sibling’s children.
Post # 14
My brother and I had this discussion regarding his wedding last year. We settled (between us and for our family) to invite all or none. We have enough crazy family drama without adding that to it! It worked out as several cousins he wasn’t close too didn’t come, but a few surprised us!