Is it okay for the groom to be involved into too many of the wedding aspects?

posted 2 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 2
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I would say you get an opinion on most things, although what your FI gives her attendants as gifts should be up to her, within a budget you’ve both agreed on of course. I showed my FI bridesmaids’ dresses, flower options, etc. because I want him to like his own wedding. I had to compromise here and there, but, hey, that’s kind of what I’ll have to do with FI for the rest of our lives, so I’d better learn now 😛

Post # 3
Member
2364 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

TonyRocks69:  I think this is a very personal question in regards to how your and your FI communicate and do things.  I didn’t feel my FI should have any say in my “personal” things i.e. my dress, BM dresses, gifts, hair, makeup – I’m also not dipping into our joint money for it, I’m paying for all these things myself.  It helps b/c we’ve pretty much been in agreeance on everything, budget and style wise.  To that point, I didn’t say much about his choice of attire, his ring, groomsmen gifts, bachelor party plans, etc.    

However when it came to decor, catering, venue, and big ticket items, we did all of that together.  There have been things I’ve said to him and vice versa, “I don’t care, you do it” and others that we have to be 100% in sync on.

What kind of things are you questioning your opinion on particularly?  

Post # 4
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

My love is involved in most all aspects of our wedding.   I really like that he cares and wants the wedding as much as I do. 

Post # 5
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

TonyRocks69:  I think the wedding planning should be a couple thing. every decision i made i okayed it with my DH first. He wasnt big into much but there were certain things he felt strongly about. I would have had even more fun planning if i knew he was into it more. Its your wedding too. Dh and i decided the theme and the colors together. he picked the suits out. he didnt really care about the BM dresses. He gave me his thoughts on the wedding dress and makeup. i asked him about the flowers but he didnt mind much about flowers. all of them were pretty to him. food was a hard one since right before the wedding we had someone back out ;-P the location had been picked out by me since i was 16 so that was a hard one to argue with. he was very into the decor when it came down to the day of decorating. he got a little groomzilla with that. but it all worked out, i thougth it was cute he wanted it his way lol. the cake we also decided together. i fell in love with the frostingless cake and he doesnt really like frosting so it worked out. he helped with the cake topper. i gues in reality he was more involved them i give him credit for. 

Post # 6
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

TonyRocks69:  My FI is so involved with all aspect of our wedding. We plan and meet vendors together and come to a happy medium. 

Post # 7
Member
6279 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

this is not HER wedding, it is BOTH of your wedding.  so of course you should be involved in as much or as little as you want.

 

when we were wedding planning, I asked DH what he wanted to be involved in.  he said venue, music, and food.  i thought he would care about the invitations, and i bounced ideas off of him, but in the end, he told me it was all my decision

Post # 8
Member
5839 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

TonyRocks69:  I think PP have given you some good advice. But I also think you have to ask your FI is she had a dream wedding and what it was. Ask for details and specifics. Not that your wedding will look like that. It shouldn’t. It should look like what you both want, a combo of both of you. But many women have been planning their wedding since they were 12. So knowing what her dreams are will help you if you ever reach an immpasse. You want one thing, she wants another and you just cant find a compromise. Knowing she’s wanted something for decades while you just thought of it last week, might make it easier to find middle ground. 

Post # 9
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Its great when guys want to be involved with wedding planning. I think there are lots of aspects that the couple can and should work together on. There are some aspects though, I think both members of the couple need to give defference on.

Tasks Bride should give an involved groom;
What he wears
What the groomsmen wear
What gifts he gives to his groomsmen
Members of the groom’s party

Tasks that the groom should leave to the bride;
What she wears
What her bridesmaids wear
What she gives as gifts to her bridesmaids
Who she picks to be her bridesmaids.

This is not to say that they shouldn’t communicate about these choices, and if there is a serious objection to someone’s choice it should be heard out. Veto power should lie with the person who it most impacts. Every other part of the wedding impacts both sides equally, but I know for DH, I wouldn’t have been able to pick out what he wanted to wear and have his guys wear, and it was very special to me that he didn’t see my dress until the wedding day.

Post # 10
Member
432 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I think it’s fine! We are planning our wedding together, truthfully I am even showing my guy photos of dresses I’m thinking about. He’s asking my opinion on suits and things like that. We’ve been doing venues, flowers, photographers and things like that together.

Post # 11
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Mount Hermon

TonyRocks69:  I think it’s great that your involved. I would say that her attire and the gifts to the bridesmaids are entirely up to get, within the agreed budget. But pretty much anything else, you should have add much say as she does.

My FI is pretty involved as well, and he has been my lifeline through this whole craziness.

Post # 12
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

TonyRocks69:  It is perfectly fine to be involved in wedding planning.

See what aspects of the wedding she would prefer to handle on her own (like if she doesn’t want you to see or have any idea about her dress), and what aspects you can have to yourself. Everything else, as long as you make a plan together, you should be able to create the wedding that works for your combined vision.

If you are a bit more of an organized person, and she’d rather just have input, maybe you would be the one keeping track of the budget, vendors, gathering addresses, organizing the logistics, etc.

Post # 13
Member
1878 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Valparaiso, IN

Honestly, I think the groom should be involved in as much as he wants to be! Maybe not with the women’s attire, but anything else, I could have cared less if my DH wanted to be involved.

Post # 14
Member
3047 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I was definitely the “master mind” behind our wedding, but I discussed everything with my husband and we agreed on everything before making purchases. I even brought him along when I tried out my dress!

I think the general complaint from brides here on the bee is a FI that’s NOT helping out, so as long as you don’t turn into a groomzilla I’m sure your wife to be will be thrilled to share the work!

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