Is it okay to follow up with no shows?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@likewoah:  If you don’t know them, I wouldn’t say anything.  I would definitely follow up with my own friends/family, though.  Maybe your husband could send them a message?

Post # 4
10748 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

Some people might say it’s rude, but if they have a legit excuse they’ll tell you. And if not, they should have to feel some awkwardness and apologize or something. They deserve it. 

Post # 5
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Pinkmoon:  I agree with this, but maybe have your husband follow up instead, since they’re from his side. 

I think we had one no-show (that I noticed), and I knew he wasn’t going to come anyway.

Post # 6
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Forgive me but if at least a week has passed, even a death in the family wouldn’t stop those I’ve invited to my wedding from at least passing on the message as to why they didn’t show up to a wedding.

People play stupid all the time but people KNOW when they’ve missed a wedding and there really isn’t an excuse to keep quiet about it.  It’s either because A. They don’t give a f*ck or B.  They’re rude people who just don’t think they have anything to apologize for or explain why they missed it.

@#%$%&&^*#%#$! this kind of stuff makes me SO mad.

Post # 7
6446 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@likewoah:  I would have your husband email as PPs suggested. I know some may say not to do this but I really think people like this should have it pointed out to them that it’s rude to just not show and then not even send a reason. Even if they have a legit reason I think they could have found the time to let you know by now.

Post # 9
4511 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Maybe they just got the weekend wrong and either haven’t realized it yet or are too embarrassed to say anything? 

Post # 10
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I wouldn’t. It’s over and a done deal so what will following up get you? There is no point in doing something that has no benefit. If they didn’t find your wedding important enough to attend, then it’s a probably a good thing they weren’t there.

Post # 11
21 posts

If you are truly concerned about them because you haven’t heard from them and no one else has, then sure, have your husband call and check in (since you said you don’t know them).  But don’t make it about your wedding.  I wouldn’t even mention the wedding unless they bring it up.  If they fell off the radar, they probably have other things going on.

You shouldn’t bring it up later either – it’s done.  Being rude later doesn’t cancel out the fact that they didn’t follow through on their RSVP.  Just let it go as long as they are okay.




Post # 12
8675 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I wouldn’t follow up at all. If you’re afraid they’re dead, that’s one thing. If you just want to know why they didn’t come to the wedding, no.

Post # 13
2642 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@likewoah:   If you’re legitimately concerned for their well being and they’re the type of people to never miss anything without a heads up, then your H can send an email. But if you just want them to feel bad about missing your wedding (and this seems to be the case), then I advice not sending anything.  All it would do is make them feel guilty and you feel better/superior because you pointed out their rudeness.  I’d take the high road, assume the best and move one.  Who knows, maybe you’ll get an email in a few weeks explaining their absence.  They might not have wanted to disturb you the day before, day of, or during your HM.


Post # 14
22119 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2011

I probably wouldn’t follow up. There’s no real way for it to come across as anything other than a guilt trip, you know?

@RunsWithBears:  Agree with all of that!

Post # 15
2103 posts
Buzzing bee

@likewoah:  I don’t see how asking someone what happened and where they were is an etiquette mistake. To me it’s a legit question and something I ask people all the time.

“Hey we went by your place of work and you weren’t there, where were you?”
“Hey I bought you lunch and you never showed, where were you?”
“Hey I paid out the ass for a gigantic party you promised to come and you weren’t there, where the fsck were you?”

Okay maybe not like that XD 

Post # 16
1287 posts
Bumble bee

I think it would  be tacky to followup asking guests why they didn’t show up at your wedding.  I wouldn’t even bother if I saw them, years later.   Forget about it and move on.  

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