Post # 1
I posted about this on a rant thread recently, but now I’ve got a whole new question for you bees. First, a little backstory:
My FI is best man in a wedding which will be taking next month. When FI started talking to groom about a bachelor party (FI was thinking low-key, just 8-10 guy friends, drinks & a bonfire type of evening), the groom told him that the bride actually wanted to do a combined bachelor/bachelorette party, which her sister, the MOH would plan. No big deal, FI just let the MOH know to let him know if she needed any help and left it up to her. The only thing we ever heard from her was when she requested $50 to help with invitations. We sent a check and waited; we never got any details because at the time they were still “being finalized.”
When we got our “invitation” two days ago (for the party that’s happening tomorrow, almost 4 hours away), it was a sheet of computer paper with comic sans font that basically just gave directions and a time to be there. When FI called to ask why he had to contribute money to this, her explaination was that they sent more than 100 invitations, so his money went to postage. She then asked for more money to cover part of the B&G’s dinner and hotel room. We asked about the hotel so we could get a room too, only to find that it is fully booked due to the fact that there is a post-season baseball game happening the same night, literally blocks from where the whole party will be. (MOH & all the bridesmaids booked their rooms weeks ago, but never gave us any warning) We can’t find a hotel anywhere with availability, so we will have to drive more than an hour away to crash at FI’s parent’s house.
The party will be dinner at a sushi place (FI hates sushi, so we’ll be eating beforehand, then just sitting through dinner. ugh) then drinks downtown, right by the stadium where the baseball game will be going on. It’ll be crazy and driving/parking will be a madhouse. FI & I really can’t afford to be blowing the kind of money it takes to drink downtown and we really aren’t the kind of people who enjoy going to bars in the first place, so FI has suggested that we leave early (as in, go to dinner, have just one or two drinks at the bar, then leave before the game is over and all the drunks hit the road and make driving home awful). As much as I want this too, I’m also concerned that the B&G will be offended if we leave so early, especially since FI is the best man.
What do you think? If there’s really going to be 100+ people there, will our absence even be noticed if we leave early?
Post # 2
You can 100% leave whenever you want to. The fact that you weren’t involved in the planning and its 4 hours aways. Stay as long as you can and then head home.
I cant believe they sent 100 invites to a bachelor/bachelorette!! Thats an insane amount of ppl!
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast
Did they reserve a room at the sushi place? How are 100+ people even going to “drink downtown” together? Strange.
Check out the sushi place…. some have non-sushi items. Even if it’s apetizers like chicken lettuce wraps (yum).
Did you check air b & b for a place to stay closer? if you wanted?
They’ll probably be upset if you leave early. But…. I’m not sure I’d let that stop me. I’m not into any of those things either and I’d probably be miserable attending. So… i’d probably leave.
Post # 4
I personally wouldn’t even go, best man or not. Kinda random but are you going to Ballpark Village? If so you literally won’t even see each other with the thousand plus people there and driving is a literal nightmare on game days, even more so in postseason, which I’m sure is true of everywhere. We had my bachelorette party there and the drinks are ridiculous. If it were me with that notice I would pass.
Post # 5
amanda.417: I just wouldn’t go…especially because you don’t have a hotel and nobody bothered to tell the best man about the accomodations? Out of 100 people I doubt you will be missed, and if you FI wants to have a night out with the groom maybe the two of them can have a separate ‘make up’ bach party.
Post # 6
amanda.417: The fact that you’re even GOING is good enough. Leave whenever you’d like. It is well within your rights. I don’t even see how it is possible to keep tabs on all the 100 people invited – granted, I’d assume a large portion of those 100 weren’t keeping every single weekend open for this party, so with the 2-3 days notice I’m figuring a lot of people just won’t go.
Post # 7
MrsN14: Isn’t ballpark village inside the stadium? IDK, I’m not from STL. But yeah, we’ll be right outside. I’ll be driving, too, which is the real reason we want to head out early…I’m from a small town and really uncomfortable driving in STL even in good conditions, let alone when the whole city is in a post-season frenzy.
MrsN14: I think we would skip if FI hadn’t assured his friend he’d be there. We’re not doing engagement/shower/bachelor parties for ours next summer (its just not our thing), so the friend feels like he’ll be “missing out” on the best-man experience. It would be one thing to have said no from the beginning, but we said we’d come before we found out how awful the MOHs plans were.
Post # 8
amanda.417: I understand. No it’s outside the stadium about a block away, but I would totally leave early then. Honestly you’ll probably get annoyed at how many yelling drunk people there are (especially if you don’t watch baseball) and I wouldn’t blame you for leaving early, I really doubt anyone would even notice.
Post # 9
amanda.417: Can you contact the groom and let him know that you can’t find a hotel room anywhere? Perhaps that could be an excuse – hey, I dont know if we can make it, the drive is really far and we can’t find a hotel room that we need to stay over.
How far from STL do you live? I think that would be a reasonable excuse. Also – 100+ people, wtf? We have 94 people at our wedding, lol.
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I think you can leave whenever you want, especially considering how it’s going to be such a shitshow.
But don’t throw a hissy fit about the sushi place. Have you ever been to one?? They have terriyaki chicken and all sorts of other non-fish stuff. Don’t “eat beforehand and just sit through dinner ugh” like a party-pooper…
Post # 11
I still think it’s ok to not go at all. As a PP noted, let the groom know there are no hotels and finding another is outside your budget, and you received the invitation at the very last minute which makes rearranging your schedules difficult.
Post # 12
amanda.417: leave whenever you’d like, but don’t make things awkward at dinner by refusing to eat and eating beforehand. Surely there is something on the menu you can eat, since it isn’t an allergy issue. Otherwise you just make yourselves seem close minded or difficult.
Post # 13
Surely you can expand your horizons ever so slightly to not be ignorant and rude at a sushi restaurant. Unbenownst to you, there are plenty of things on offer that do not come from the ocean.
Alternately, why go at all? Its 4 hours away, you were given no notice, and it sounds like its going to be a shitshow. I wouldn’t go, I don’t do things without being given sufficient notice. Its rude to throw things at people last minute that require travel.
Post # 14
amanda.417: Ha. This sounds so unorganized- were you guys even given a heads up on the date?
I’d bail early in a heartbeat- especially that you’re driving so far and they were rude enough to ASK FOR MONEY to plan the party….but not a heads up to book hotel rooms?
To be quite honest, I’d be peeved. FI is the best man– where are all of the other groomsmen staying? Sound like MOH is selfish, at best.
Leave when you feel comfortable, and don’t feel bad atbout it all!
Post # 15
KC-2722: Not my horizons that should be expanded…it’s the FI. I happen to love sushi. Trust me, I’ve tried to get him to like it (I even made some myself with ingredients he likes), but I think it’s a texture thing. Anyways, I totally agree with all that we don’t want to make a scene at dinner by not eating at all…but he will definately eat beforehand and is really not looking forward to all the comments that will come at dinner when he sticks to appetizers, etc. Everyone will like be commenting, “just try it” and “you don’t know what you’re missing” or, as you did above, claiming it is “ignorant” to not enjoy sushi which will just annoy him because he’s well aware of what he does and doesn’t like.
Honestly, though the choice of dinner is not the major concern here. It’s a slight annoyance because it isn’t as though the wedding party is unaware he hates the stuff…we had this conversation last time we were in town and a small group of us were debating where to go eat.