Post # 1
So if you and your SO has talked about marriage and he has given you a definite timeline like mine has, is it okay to plan a little bit? If he hasn’t given you the go-ahead?
Now what I mean here by planning a little bit, is just looking things up for fun. For instance, my roommate and I started talking about weddings in general. Then the topic turned to how BF and I will be married within 3 years. And we are having a year long engagement. I just don’t know when he will propose so that’s the only thing that’s up in the air.
Anyway, somehow the topic turned to songs that bride and grooms use for the first dance. So we started listening to love songs. Then I got a little more into it…to the point where my roommate started laughing and said “you’re not getting married right now!”
And I said “Yeah but I WILL be! Someday. So why can’t I look up first dance songs for fun and tentatively decide on a song?”
And she just shook her head. For support, I texted my best friend and said “Ok so don’t read too much into this lol but what wedding songs do you like for a bride and groom’s first dance?”
She sent me back this. “>.>”
Sigh. It’s not like I’m contacting venues and asking them for pricing and/or putting down deposits. (Though I have researched them online, just for fun. But I would never contact them!) It’s not like I’m seriously shopping for a wedding dress. And last night, I was only listening to songs off YouTube going “Ooh, I love this song, this is a serious contender for our first dance!” But it’s not like I’m contacting DJs or bands for pricing.
I mean, really. Is what I’m doing so bad? And I haven’t told SO any of this because based on my friends’ reactions, he might also think I’m being ridiculous. Sigh. Bees, tell me, should I stop doing this?
Post # 3
@LadyBlackheart: lol! You’re totally fine 🙂 I had a slew of ideas long before FI proposed. I can’t tell you how many of my friends had/have secret wedding pinterest boards. Women love weddings!
How old are you? It’s possible their negative reactions were due to your age. When FI and I initally got engaged 1 1/2 years ago, some of my friends had the reaction of “You’re getting MARRIED? We’re getting DRUNK and BANGED by sexy men.” Yep, wish I was joking. …. but I’m not. Stereotypical college students.
ETA: I had my first dance song picked out at least 2 years in advance. It was always sort of “our song” though, so I guess it was understood.
Post # 4
@LadyBlackheart: I think it is perfectly ok to do those things. No harm in looking and pinning! You aren’t booking vendors :P. I use to look at wedding stuff all the time, just keep in mind you’ll prob change your mind about when you actually start to plan your wedding. 🙂
Post # 5
@LadyBlackheart: I don’t think it’s bad at all. I’m in a similar situation (have a timeline, lots of talk about it) and I’ve made an entire spreadsheet of what our budget could be based on what things cost! LOL
My SO had our first dance song picked out years ago. I don’t think it’s crazy or abnormal at all. You’re not contacting anyone so you’re practically still “day dreaming” which is totally fine.
I think your friends’ react like that because the soon-to-be proposal isn’t as REAL to them as it is to you. You and your SO discuss it a lot (probably mostly in private) so they are probably just not as convinced as you are.
Post # 6
@OnceUponATime: Lol, that’s good to hear! I am 25 and BF is 28. My best friend is 24 and already married. Though she got married at the courthouse for financial reasons so that may have something to do with her reaction, I’m not sure. And my roommate is 19 and of course, is still in that dating/having fun stage.
@trixiesrockets: Thank you for saying that :). I just don’t understand why my friends think I’m crazy for doing this! Sigh. And yep, I am fully aware that I might change my mind about ideas later on lol. I just like looking up stuff for now 🙂
Post # 7
I guess you can, but it sets yourself up for disappointment a little bit. I thought by BF and I would be married by 2008, but we didn’t get engaged until 2011.
Post # 8
@LadyBlackheart: nothing wrong with that. I think I have planned like 2-3 weddings in my head ;p.
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
I don’t really get it, personally, but after beeing on the bee I see it is a pretty common thing.
Post # 10
@LadyBlackheart: I just think its important to remember its you AND your BFs wedding. Not just yours, so you can’t actually plan a first dance song because he gets input too and thinking its set in stone could be setting yourself up for disappointment.
But I don’t think it’s wrong to play wedding planne.
Post # 11
@LadyBlackheart: Oh my gosh, yes. Absolutely yes. One of my BMs just had a court wedding for military/financial weddings, and she’s not quite bitter, but she doesn’t exactly want to hear ANY wedding plans. I think she’s just a little bummed that she had to miss out on that aspect of wedding planning.
Post # 12
I’ve got my venue picked out, my dress picked out, the tentative plan laid, the attendants picked, what he’s wearing (kilt sexy!) and even a date picked.
Looking is FUN. There’s nothing wrong with looking. It even helps you establish your budget ideas in my head. I know that I can’t have the venue I really want because it’s not in budget.
Post # 13
Yeah, I think it’s fine if you’re just having fun with it. To be honest, I’m finding that wedding planning isn’t very much fun now when I have to do it. It’s a lot of work, and I mostly am really sick of it. If you’re having motivation right now to at least look through things and get some ideas, then you might as well do it now! Less work to worry about later!
Post # 14
It only sets you up.for.disappointment if you let it! why not casually plan and collect a few ideas for a wedding. I would keep it to yourself though, as a.secret hobby.
Post # 15
@LadyBlackheart: the only thing that I think is bad about this is that you are possibly setting yourself up for frustration since you don’t know when he’s going to propose. 3 years is a long time and even a year of waiting can be really hard. Even when I was single I would think ‘ooooh that would make a great wedding song!’ but thats where it ended. I would try as hard as I could to keep the wedding talk to a minimum. Browse, and pin all you want but as of now all you have is a timeline, so to save yourself the frustration and disappointment, try and keep things in check.
Post # 16
@LadyBlackheart: After our relationship went that way (ie- getting engaged in the next few months) my SO and I had a little planning spree. (And now I’m looking at dresses, and I tell myself it’s because I’m not passing up a killer deal )
It was kind of a funny conversation just because the only thing we disagreed on was what the name of that cake we both love was. Devils food or red velvet?
After that we kind of put it aside. But there’s nothing wrong with exploring options so long as you aren’t booking anything and staying open to his suggestions once you ARE engaged.
Don’t people do that before they are even in relationships? lol