Is it okay to plan a little bit (for fun) before you're engaged? Sort of?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1681 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@LadyBlackheart: lol! You’re totally fine 🙂 I had a slew of ideas long before FI proposed. I can’t tell you how many of my friends had/have secret wedding pinterest boards. Women love weddings!

How old are you? It’s possible their negative reactions were due to your age. When FI and I initally got engaged 1 1/2 years ago, some of my friends had the reaction of “You’re getting MARRIED? We’re getting DRUNK and BANGED by sexy men.” Yep, wish I was joking. …. but I’m not. Stereotypical college students.

 

ETA: I had my first dance song picked out at least 2 years in advance. It was always sort of “our song” though, so I guess it was understood. 

 

Post # 4
Member
2276 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@LadyBlackheart:  I think it is perfectly ok to do those things. No harm in looking and pinning! You aren’t booking vendors :P. I use to look at wedding stuff all the time, just keep in mind you’ll prob change your mind about when you actually start to plan your wedding. 🙂

Post # 5
Member
1018 posts
Bumble bee

@LadyBlackheart:  I don’t think it’s bad at all. I’m in a similar situation (have a timeline, lots of talk about it) and I’ve made an entire spreadsheet of what our budget could be based on what things cost! LOL

 

My SO had our first dance song picked out years ago. I don’t think it’s crazy or abnormal at all. You’re not contacting anyone so you’re practically still “day dreaming” which is totally fine.

I think your friends’ react like that because the soon-to-be proposal isn’t as REAL to them as it is to you. You and your SO discuss it a lot (probably mostly in private) so they are probably just not as convinced as you are.

Post # 7
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I guess you can, but it sets yourself up for disappointment a little bit.  I thought by BF and I would be married by 2008, but we didn’t get engaged until 2011. 

Post # 8
Member
2276 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@LadyBlackheart:  nothing wrong with that. I think I have planned like 2-3 weddings in my head ;p.

Post # 9
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

I don’t really get it, personally, but after beeing on the bee I see it is a pretty common thing.

Post # 10
Member
2361 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@LadyBlackheart:  I just think its important to remember its you AND your BFs wedding.  Not just yours, so you can’t actually plan a first dance song because he gets input too and thinking its set in stone could be setting yourself up for disappointment. 

But I don’t think it’s wrong to play wedding planne. 

Post # 11
Member
1681 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@LadyBlackheart:  Oh my gosh, yes. Absolutely yes. One of my BMs just had a court wedding for military/financial weddings, and she’s not quite bitter, but she doesn’t exactly want to hear ANY wedding plans. I think she’s just a little bummed that she had to miss out on that aspect of wedding planning.

Post # 12
Member
1241 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’ve got my venue picked out, my dress picked out, the tentative plan laid, the attendants picked, what he’s wearing (kilt sexy!) and even a date picked. 

Looking is FUN. There’s nothing wrong with looking. It even helps you establish your budget ideas in my head. I know that I can’t have the venue I really want because it’s not in budget. 

Post # 13
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yeah, I think it’s fine if you’re just having fun with it.  To be honest, I’m finding that wedding planning isn’t very much fun now when I have to do it.  It’s a lot of work, and I mostly am really sick of it.  If you’re having motivation right now to at least look through things and get some ideas, then you might as well do it now! Less work to worry about later!

Post # 14
Member
207 posts
Helper bee

It only sets you up.for.disappointment if you let it! why not casually plan and collect a few ideas for a wedding. I would keep it to yourself though, as a.secret hobby.

Post # 15
Member
5966 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

@LadyBlackheart:  the only thing that I think is bad about this is that you are possibly setting yourself up for frustration since you don’t know when he’s going to propose. 3 years is a long time and even a year of waiting can be really hard. Even when I was single I would think ‘ooooh that would make a great wedding song!’ but thats where it ended. I would try as hard as I could to keep the wedding talk to a minimum. Browse, and pin all you want but as of now all you have is a timeline, so to save yourself the frustration and disappointment, try and keep things in check.

Post # 16
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@LadyBlackheart:  After our relationship went that way (ie- getting engaged in the next few months) my SO and I had a little planning spree. (And now I’m looking at dresses, and I tell myself it’s because I’m not passing up a killer deal Wink

It was kind of a funny conversation just because the only thing we disagreed on was what the name of that cake we both love was. Devils food or red velvet? 

After that we kind of put it aside. But there’s nothing wrong with exploring options so long as you aren’t booking anything and staying open to his suggestions once you ARE engaged. 

Don’t people do that before they are even in relationships? lol

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