- 3 years ago
I am heartbroken, exhausted, and purely pissed off all at the same time (if thats even possible). I love my fiance very much but have been considering breaking things off because of the way he’s been acting, making me feel lately. A bit of background info: we’ve been dating for 9 years, met in high school, moved away together for post-secondary school, have since moved home after graduation and are living with FI Dad in order to pay for wedding (we’re paying for it on our own with the exception of my mother who’s paying for my bridal look), and to pay of student loan, etc. We’ve lived on our own together for 5 years now. I’m posting here because I can’t tell my mom ALL of the story because of some things that would really upset her. All of my gf’s are part of ‘couples’ that we hang out with and it wouldn’t be wise to discuss this stuff with them at this point. I need your honest opinions because I truly don’t know when enough is enough and whether I should just throw in the towel or hang on for the bumpy ride ahead. I also want to say that I know I play a significant role in these issues (not expressing my hurt and loneliness to my FI in the right way, etc.)
Things have really taken a turn for the worst since moving home and both living here with FI’s Dad. We’ve been here about a month now and this is whats happened so far:
-FI’s called me a bitch on two different occasions (he usually apologizes afterwards but still..after thinking of all the relationships I look up to, I could never see those men calling their wives/significant other a bitch but what do I know? I never really had good relationships to look up to…my parents are divorced and so are FI’s)
-First weekday home I waited for FI until 10:00 pm to come home… turns out he was with his friends (he started a new job that day and I was super excited to hear about how it went..that turned into a huge fight)
-The very next week after our fight, he was out until 9 with friends again and didn’t call. When he got home he avoided me and stayed around his dad (he knows I don’t like to bring things up in front of him). We got into a fight and I immaturely slammed our bedroom door (not my proudest moment). Next thing I know, I hear FI and FFIL mouthing about me. FI said “she’s acting just like her mother and sister. If she turns out to be like her mother then I’ll be signing divorce papers so quickly.’ FFIL further instigates by getting him even more worked up and then telling him he should just call off the wedding. I called them out on it and said that I understand FI and I are fighting but that its still rude to talk about me and discuss our relationship behind my back, in the same house nonetheless. FFIL and I didn’t talk for 2 days afterwards
-During those two days FFIL vented to FI about me, FI tried to repair the damage caused by our fight the night before and said that he overreacted and should never have said those things. FFIL said that I’m too much like my mother and that he’s ‘trying to break me of it’ (my mother is an amazing woman and I was just so so hurt by the way they were talking about my family. I would never would have said something like that about FI family). FI was a little upset and explained that I’m not a dog and that you can’t ‘break me’ of habits, etc. especially when theres nothing to be ‘broken’.
-I can’t help but have a soft spot for FFIL, since he’s been in my life so long, but he’s a huge grump! He’s 68 yrs old, divorced twice, doesn’t want a wife because ‘then he’d have to do what she wants to do.’ He always says ‘I don’t need a woman!’ We’ve since begun talking a bit more, and FI and I are trying to keep disagreements/fights away from him so that I don’t turn into the ‘bad one’ again. It’s to the point though now that he has FI doing things for him as soon as FI gets home from work until we go to bed, AND all weekend too!. Our friends stop by (our couple friends) and FFIL always gets grumpy and goes inside. He always says ‘YEAH! look! as soon as we want to get something done your friends always show up.” OR if we leave the house to go meet them he says “YEAH! Look! They have you running all over hell. You don’t gotta listen to what they want to do all the time ya know!” even though in all reality no one is making us do anything…we choose to…its nice to get out of the house.
-FFIL the other day while having coffee with FI, FSIL said that he ‘can’t wait until this wedding is over with so that he doesn’t have to hear about it anymore’ (I don’t say anything to him about the wedding because he already has expressed that we’re spending too much on it, etc. etc. (our budget is $10 000)
-Tonight we got in an explosive fight. FI helped his dad again (I swear I’ve only gotten about two days MAYBE alone with FI…when he comes to bed we can’t talk because he’s too exhausted and either wants to sleep or have sex)…didn’t come in to say hi or have supper. Just went right to helping him. at 9 pm FI aunt and uncle stopped in (FFIL talks about them behind their backs too and their blood relation) and we finally were able to go out for supper, we didn’t talk at all on the drive there or at supper. I kept getting madder and madder until I finally just began venting and made FI go of the deep end. He told me that it’s always my way or no way (something his dad has been saying about me lately) and then continued to say that he should just shoot himself like my uncle did…I. LOST. MY. SHIT. I began crying and screaming and telling him to let me out of the GD truck. He wouldn’t and began driving crazy. He finally pulled over on the side of the road, got out of his truck and was exploding, he punched the truck a few times (I know what you’re thinking but he’s never once laid a hand on me). During this explosion he told me that ‘there’s no pleasing me’, that he wants to spend time with his Dad, that he wants to do what he wants to do, etc.
There’s many more things that have happened over this month but I’m just too exhausted to think about anything else. I feel like if I give up, I’m letting FFIL ‘win’ but I don’t know how much more I can handle. I feel like I’m going to go crazy.
What do you think? How can I handle this tense situation/living arrangement better? What hobby can I pick up so that FI has to find time to spend with ME for once? URG!!!