Is it over? :(

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think you both need to grow up and marry different people.

Post # 3
905 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Yeah… this is not at all healthy.  Not.  At.  All.  First of all, your FI’s dad shouldn’t be making comments about your family directly to you… that’s rude, condescending, and just… friggin’ awful, honestly.

It sounds like you both are not happy.

Post # 4
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

In all honesty I think you’d both be happier apart

Post # 5
592 posts
Busy bee

You both sound miserable. Neither of you seems to be supportive for the other, based on what you’ve written. 

Do you really want this to be your life? You having emotional outbursts constantly, your husband saying cutting remarks and his own tantrums? Or having his go to guy be a cranky, twice divorced woman hating jerk who bad mouths you any time he can?

Post # 6
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

You marry the familiy. Just repeat that in your head. Do you want to feel like crap all the time because his family can’t keep their bs about you to themselves? Seems to me like FI has some anger issues and doesn’t like conflict. If you guys can’t make it work now, a marriage isn’t going to “fix” things or put a band aid on the situation. It will eventually break off I think in the end anyway. You need to feel happy. Bottom line. I would not tolerate being called a bitch or having FI’s family talk crap in front of me or to FI! Its just plain disrespectful and caddy. In my opinion you need to find someone that will appreciate you wanting to spend time with them & treat you correctly. You will both be better apart.

Post # 7
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

It sounds like your having a hard time leaving because you have been in this relationship so long and from such a young age. Honestly I think you need to move out or break up but DO NOT get married until you guys have lived on your own again. Also I think you both sound immature. You should be able to tell your FI to send you texts to let you know his plans and that he will be home late without him getting upset. Also, you have to accept its FFIL house so if he wants his son helping him all day he can ask that of him. Your FFIL sounds like an ass for other reasoons but again, move out! Finally, you sound like you guys fight to hurt each other instead of arguing to try and reach a mutual decision and understanding. Your fights aren’t productive at all. 

Bottom line is if you have $10k for a wedding you have money to move out together. It may force the wedding to be delayed but it sounds like there won’t be one if you don’t. 

Post # 8
2322 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

anonitr:  It sounds like your FFIL is a misogynist and he’s shaped his son to feel the same.  I think you’ve put up with far too much already.  Your FFIL has insulted you, your mother, marriage in general, and the mere idea of compromise.  Your FI appears to be drinking the koolaide, and he’s iced the cake with a suicide threat designed to insult your uncle.  Nobody here can tell you what to do in this very difficult situation, but I can certainly tell you that I would never tolerate the behaviors you’ve described here.  Luckily if you do decide to leave you’re not contending with broken leases or mutually-owned property.  I’m so sorry you’re going through this!!

Post # 9
4878 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2010



I agree, you’re up against a pair of misogynists.

Tell me, what are you getting out of this relationship?  It sounds friggin awful.  Where is the fun?  

No relationship should be this hard.  I can promise you, they’ll be worse after you marry into that family.  In their heads, you’ll be stuck with them & really show you who they are.

Let me ask you a question:  Does your FI make you feel cherished?

Post # 10
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Why are you spending 10k on a wedding when you’re living with his dad? Don’t you think that money could be better spent living away from family? It sounds like that is causing a lot of your problems. 


Post # 11
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - The Fairmont, SF

anonitr:  Get out. Seriously. Get out, get out, get out while you can. And once you’re out, run. 

Everything that you’ve described sounds dreadful and emotionally destroying. Maybe you can hold out for a few years, but think of it this way: your FFIL is encouraging his son to leave you and belittling you constantly – and quite frankly, it sounds like your FI is internalizing it from the fact he’s started to repeat the same hurtful things. I’ll be honest with you and say that in my eyes, your relationship should have ended the minute he mocked your uncle’s suicide and then intimidated you by driving recklessly and punching his car. It may not be physical abuse, but it is emotional abuse (putting you in a situation in which you feel frightened to speak) and I hope you can see that. 

What’s worse is that the father will never change. Never. He’s set in his ways and he’s going to continue imposing his views on his son and you. It will break you down, guaranteed. Imagine being 9 months pregnant, having a fight with your husband, and hearing him over the phone being egged on by his dad to leave you? Horrendous stress and a terrible way to live your life. 

I have no doubt you love your FI and want to make things work with him but I think you need to take a long step back and consider cutting it off for your own good and moving on. Another thing is: “I feel like if I give up, I’m letting FFIL ‘win’” is an extremely immature way of looking at things. You’d stay in a state of misery for the rest of your life so FFIL can’t gloat? Sounds like a (terrible) plan. 

Post # 13
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yes, it’s over. Or it should be.

Post # 14
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Please leave this draining situation behind you. Seriously. It isn’t healthy and you are clearly unhappy. Walk away.

Post # 15
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Wow, what an awful story this is. Dont understand the crazy old man instigating your fiance and I also dont get why your guy is listening to his father? You guys need to understand that this cannot work if you continue saying such harsh unthoughtful things to each other.


Instead of breaking it completely off, why dont you guys take a break from each other for a while? Just call the wedding off and live separately for a while to see if this is what you really want or maybe being apart is you being better off.


Good luck!

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