Is it petty of me to ask FI to ask his mum to take down his ex fiances pictures?

posted 3 years ago in Family
  • poll: What is the best option
    Ignore the photo until his mum takes it down in her own time : (29 votes)
    8 %
    Request FI to tell his mum to take the photo down : (154 votes)
    45 %
    Get a picture of me and his sisters (we are all friends) to replace it : (56 votes)
    16 %
    Pull her aside myself and ask if she could take it down : (17 votes)
    5 %
    Wait until we are married (winter 2015) and if it still hasn't been taken down, deal with it then : (28 votes)
    8 %
    Get over it princess, it's not your house she can have whatever she likes on the wall : (62 votes)
    18 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1248 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @nessdawwg:  I would find this odd if they aren’t still close. Luckily my FMIL had removed all photos of FI’s ex-wife from the home before I came on the scene. If she hadn’t FI definitely would have told her to – for himself anyway because he wouldn’t want a reminder of her (their split was acrimonious because she cheated – was your guys split on good terms? Even if it was I would still have the expectation that it should come down.)

    Post # 4
    Member
    309 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @nessdawwg:  No not petty at all, I’d do it in a heartbeat.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3097 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

    Are you sure your if keeps forgetting? I’m thinking he either doesn’t want to, or did and she didn’t want to. This would bother me as well but I would never ask my mother in law to take such a picture down but I’m thinking maybe you guys are closer? I’d wait until after the wedding, hopefully she’ll replace it with one of you & your dh 🙂 But if not I would just let it be, e she probably just likes that picture. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    9226 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2018

    Ask her to take it down but offer to get a photo taken of you with your FI’s sisters to replace it.

    It makes sense she still has it up though as it has her daughters in it, it’s not like it is one of just your FI and his ex. I still would ask her to take it down, but make sure you replace it with one with her daughters in it still, not one of just you and your FI.

    Post # 7
    Member
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    If you are Engaged to her Son now… then I think that ABSOLUTELY something must be said.

    It would be your Fiancé’s place to do it, as this is his Mom / Relative.

    If he won’t… then I’d broach the subject in a very sweet sort of way with her… just lay it all out there… it HURTS YOUR FEELINGS… and you’d appreciate it if she’d take it down now.

    One way around this might be to present her with an Engagement Photo of the two of you… framed and ready to go.

    Hope this helps,

    PS… I had a similar discussion with my own Dad after my Divorce when I noticed that he continued to have Wedding Pics of the 2 of us on display and yet I was now dating Mr TTR.  It didn’t seem to bother Mr TTR too much… cause he’d never be the type to say anything anyhow.  (And afterall as Encores we both are of the mindset that we know we were both marrieed to others for a long period of history in our lives, something that cannot be erased, nor should it… afterall there are kids involved).

    BUT I felt it right to say something to my Dad as it was ME in the pictures, and I FELT it was disrespectful his displaying them to BOTH myself & Mr TTR

    He obliged… they were gone the next time I visited.

    Your FMIL probably just needs to be gently told… hopefully her son will do so.  Because unlike a Marriage a Broken Engagement really is just a moment in time… not a whole part of Family’s History **

    Hope it works… (( HUGS ))

    Example:  I told my Dad any “Family Photos” with my Ex, Myself, Kids, GrandParents, Extended Family etc could stay.  I just needed the Wedding Day ones gone

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    9226 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2018

    @This Time Round:  the photo isn’t of OP’s FI and his ex like your wedding photos up were of you and your husband. The ‘offending’ photo is of the FI’s ex with his SISTERS, the FMIL’s daughters. So a non romantic family photo.

    Post # 10
    Member
    9226 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2018

    @nessdawwg it should be your FI broaching the subject, and if his mum doesn’t go for that idea he could offer to hang a photo of him with his siblings there instead? From your updated information it sounds like your FMIL will be happy to get rid of any photo of the ex.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2630 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Honestly, it sounds like she just really loves the picture of her daughters regardless of the exFI. I mean she kept the picture up all of this time despite the fact that the engagement ended on bad terms. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    2052 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    Give your FMIL a new photo of her two daughters for her birthday!

    Post # 14
    Member
    2649 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @nessdawwg:  It’s her house. You will come off looking petty, insecure and out of line and this is probably why your FI doesn’t want to say anything.  

    I doubt his Mom has given that picture the first thought or she likes it because her girls are in it.     Regardless, it’s her house. You don’t get to veto her decor. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    7397 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    @Zhabeego: +1

    Seriously OP how would you feel if someone started telling you what photos you could or couldn’t display in your own home.  Her house her choice.

    Post # 16
    Member
    537 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Zhabeego and j_jaye: +1

    I don’t think it’s your place to request this of your FMIL. If anyone is going to say something, it has to be your FI (even jokingly giving her a new pic or whatever is going to rub the wrong way). If your FI refuses or “forgets” to ask, then that’s the end of the story.

    ETA: nessdawwg: “having this photo displayed in the loungeroom is quite confronting and intimidating for me.  Especially since there aren’t any photos of me by comparison.”

    This is on you. You’re being unnecessarily competitive and insecure. It’s only a photo- it doesn’t have to mean anything more than that. 

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