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The man I intend to marry is not circumcised...I don't really know why, I guess his mum thought it would be too painful or something. All the guys I have been with before him were cut. The cut version just looks and feels alot better in my opinion, and is much more hygienic. Seeing the head exposed when a guy's member is flacid and hes walking around naked is a major turn on for me. I have also been told that if he got circumcised he would lose sensitivity down there, which is a good thing because it will probably make him last longer in bed. I honestly dont know if I can be with an uncircumcised guy for the rest of my life. How could I convince him to get the operation done?
@Cryptic: Frankly, I think that asking him to get circumcised as an adult is REALLY not a great idea. Circumcision is a personal decision and asking him to get a painful surgery just so you enjoy him better is only in your interest. Studies have been done that state that uncircumcised men can be as hygenic as circumcised men simply by washing under their foreskin in the shower. Not a difficult thing to do.
I think you need to rethink your expectations of circumcision and realize what a huge decision you would be pushing him to do.
@Cryptic: I don't want to be a downer, but you probably can't. Its something he'd have to decide to do on his own, and honestly- he'll probably be offended if you try to make him. As far as the hygiene goes, there is no reason for an uncircumcised man to be unhygenic, you can always encourage him to take more showers... and there are plenty of ways to encourage that ;)
@Cryptic: How would you feel if your SO asked you to get a cosmetic operation on your clitoris that would make it more aesthetically appealing to him but would cause you to lose sexual sensitivity?
Please drop this. Do you really want the man you love to get a painful and unnecessary procedure so you find him slightly more attractive naked and he can last an extra 30 seconds in bed?
A demand like this is really quite abusive. What you're asking for is essencially genital mutilation. If you're questioning you're ability to stay with him over something so aesthetic, perhaps you should be considering your choice to get married; Your fiance probably will once you ask him.
I think this man deserves someone who loves him as he is. Asking someone to have surgery - particularly this type of surgery - is completely out of line. As others have said, how would you feel?
Also, you are somewhat misinformed about circumcision. Perhaps you could do some research on the topic. If you can't be attracted to him as he is, you both should find someone else.
Imagine a guy saying "size 36D boobs are such a turn on for me, I want my wife to get implants because I don't think I can be with someone with B cups for the rest of my life"... sounds pretty shallow. It would be pretty devastating to find out the person you think loves you unconditionally actually doesn't think they can stay with you forever because of some small physical attribute. I think you should look into your heart and see if you really DO love this man unconditionally, which it doesn't sound like you do, then decide to either accept this small "flaw" or move on.
Oh boy....I wouldn't ask. You might make him insecure about his manly parts for the rest of his life. Honestly, I think it's a pretty painful surgery as an adult. I don't think any grown man would opt to do it for cosmetic reasons...not sure if a doctor would either. I think you're going to have to learn to live with him how he is--or move on.
I prefer circumsized, and Danny, thankfully for me, is...but if he wasn't, I would NEVER ask him to do it!! It's HIS body, you shouldn't expect him to change it just for you! If Danny asked me to cosmetically alter my appearance just because he doesn't find something on me aesthetically pleasing, (I'm NOT condoning abuse, but) he'd probably get slapped. That's shallow, and mean, and selfish and just...wrong. I'm sorry, but this is something I just can't be polite about, this upsets me so much. This poor guy.
I would never ask my DH to undergo surgery so that he owuld look more aesthetically pleasing to me. That's just wrong.
You also seem to be quite uninformed about circumcision. Uncircumsized men are no less clean than circumsized men.
I'd get over it, especially if he hasn't expressed an interest in having it done. Adult circumcision is an extremely painful procedure and there's risk of complications that will interfere with his sexual performance for the rest of his life. If you demand he have this procedure, you will probably appear very shallow.
Tell him you wrote this on a post:
I honestly dont know if I can be with an uncircumcised guy for the rest of my life. How could I convince him to get the operation done?
Then: wait for the door to shut behind him.
I dont know how nice it is to say this to him, if you dont think you can be with a man in his condition, then dont marry him and be miserable or make him miserable either.
I'm sorry, saying you are not sure if you can live with an uncircumcised man for the rest of your life is incredibly shallow and quite possibly a sign you are no where near ready for marriage.
Loooool please let this be a troll.
If not, then I'd say get out of the relationship, because telling your guy to get an unnecessary, genital-mangling surgery because you get the heebie jeebies is NOT going to go over well.
I came here thinking I was going to discuss how I'm willingly going to get a vasectomy and that it's totally a thing you can convince a guy of.
Unfortunately, this thread went in a totally different direction.
For future reference, OP, the term 'the snip' refers to vasectomies. A circumcision is most certainly not a 'snip'.
Also, I wish you luck in your future relationships.
Unless you are willing to get cosmetic surgery for him too, I would say to keep it to yourself. 80% of men in the world are not circumcised...it's the way they are supposed to be.
You'll need less lube...
Honestly though, if you feel that way about him, I think he deserves to know. Imagine how you would feel if your genitals grossed him out?
@GoldfishPie: Yeah, seriously! I truly hope this is a troll.
If it isn't a troll - wow, just wow. This is a grown man. OP makes it sound like it's easy as going to get a haircut.
I honestly hope you're not going to ask him this. Asking your SO to undergo elective, cosmetic, and highly painful surgery for your pleasure is really selfish.
if you truly love him, you will love his junk. period. im sure you're not 100% perfect to him either.
Is this for real? Asking someone to change their genitals is just plain wrong, IMO.
Oh my, I would never ask my DH to undergo an unnecessary surgical procedure just to please ME. How selfish. As others have said, you sound incredibly uninformed about a penis that has not been circumcised. It shouldn't feel any different to a circumcised one once aroused and I actually find the uncircumcised men I have been with last longer and are much more enjoyable in bed than men who have been circumcised. I'm very happy DH is uncircumcised but even if he was, I wouldn't think any less of him for it.
Regardless, that is neither here nor there. The big issue is the fact that you even want to ask him to do this. Marriage is about unconditional love. What if your FI had an accident someday that left him disfigured or disabled? Would you leave him because it's not "aesthetically pleasing" to you?
And yes, like Scott said, I came on this thread thinking it was about a vasectomy, not a circumcision.
@scottsouth: This is exactly what I thought too, that she was referring to a vasectomy.
OP, I'm sorry but I have to agree with others who said that you need to end this if you seriously feel this way, or at least postpone your wedding, because there is no way in hell you should get married if you can actually type that last sentence of your post. I prefer circumsized too, but you know what? My DH would probably prefer a chest bigger than my A cups. But if he ever actually said that I'd be so hurt I don't know if I could ever get over something like that. And it's probably the same for your SO. It would be horrible of you to ask him to do this.
what is the big deal? I feel that is something very rude to ask him, that'd be like if he asked you to get a boob job or something. being uncircumsized is not less hygienic. in some cultures people don't get circumsized. you should respect the way he is.
i do not plan on having my sons circumsized.
I'm a bit surprised at how negative some of these replies are.
I don't think it's the same as a man asking me to get a boobjob. Getting breast implants is something that would drastically change my outward appearance and affect other's perception of me (for better or worse). Circumcision is just removing a bit of skin around the end of his penis...nobody else is going to see it, or deal with that part of him except me. It's a completely private thing, not a change to his anatomy that is obvious to everyone else like a boob job. Also, a boob job is a purely cosmetic procedure that does nothing beyond the visual aspect. Circumcision is an issue involving hygiene, appearance, and sex itself. Aside from looking alot better/more arousing, being cut helps a man keep clean down there and stops bacteria and smegma getting trapped underneath the foreskin. I've seen how much of that cheesy stuff builds up under there if he doesnt clean it properly in the shower, even for just a day. And quite frankly my breasts are big enough anyway, so getting breast implants would just be overkill.
Also, to those who are making me out to be some kind of monster for asking this: I wasn't planning on just telling him that I think his penis is dirty and disgusting and that he should get the skin hacked off. I'm looking for a way to tactfully bring the subject up with him to find out if he would consider circumcision...without offending him or making him feel self-conscious about it, that's why I'm here asking for advice on how to do it. I've heard of this exact situation with other couples. One of my friends knows a married girl whose husband got circumcised because she wanted it...I mean this kind of thing does happen. In the end, at least he gets to have a CHOICE about whether he will get circumcised or not...most men never had that choice because circumcision was forced on them as infants. I don't think I would get my baby circed if it happened to be a boy, even though I prefer an adult male who is circumcised. If I had a son I would want it to be HIS decision to get circumcised.
And one more thing. To those who are saying its an extremely painful operation (as an adult), are you talking about the operation itself or the healing after the op? I thought he would be anesthetized during the operation so he wouldn't feel a thing...
1) The foreskin protects the glands. There is a reason it is there.
2) There is no medical institution thinks circumcision is a good idea.
3) It is PAINFUL
... So no, I wouldn't ask him to get circumcised.
How would you feel if your husband asked you to get cosmetic surgery on your vagina so it looked better?
@cryptic: " Circumcision is an issue involving hygiene, appearance, and sex itself. Aside from looking alot better/more arousing, being cut helps a man keep clean down there and stops bacteria and smegma getting trapped underneath the foreskin. I've seen how much of that cheesy stuff builds up under there if he doesnt clean it properly in the shower, even for just a day."
The foreskin is there naturally and has a self-cleaning “mechanism”, much like a female’s vagina does. Maybe instead of asking him to mutilate himself you should suggest he is more thorough with retracting the skin and cleaning himself.
@Cryptic: Circumcision is an issue involving hygiene, appearance, and sex itself.... To those who are saying its an extremely painful operation (as an adult), are you talking about the operation itself or the healing after the op?
I think the issue that most of us are seeing here is that:
1. HYGIENE: by simply lifting the foreskin to clean, the penis is no dirtier. It is a myth that foreskined penis's are dirty. Please talk to a doctor or do research on this. This myth was originally started to justify circumcision on infant boys.
2. APPEARANCE: The appearance he has he is clearly comfortable with, so appearance is an issue for YOU. I think that most people are upset because you will be causing him some discomfort with his appearance.
3. SEX: Again, you even mentioned in your original post that removing the foreskin can reduce sensetivity. Clearly most people would ENJOY sensativity during sex. Again, it would be beneficial to you for him to be more attractive to you by being circumsized, but is, again, would not benefit him.
4. OPERATION: The operation itself would not be painful, but imagine that someone had just snipped off the top of your clitoris. I'm going to imagine that the healing would be wicked painful! Think about urine going into the wound, it rubbing against pants, etc. It would not be fun.
As a sidenote, my FI was aasking what I was reading and he was appalled. He said there was NO WAY you could bring that up with him without him being upset. He couldn't believe someone would want a guy to do this, just to look more aestetically pleasing to his FI/DW.
@Cryptic: "I'm looking for a way to tactfully bring the subject up with him"
There is absolutely no tactful way to bring this up.
As takemyhand said, you seem very uninformed about circumcision and there is ZERO benefit to your husband for having the operation. A cut penis is no cleaner than an uncut penis. He is obviously perfectly happy with his penis' current appearance or he already would have gotten the surgery himself. Sex will be better for him if he remains uncut. Who wants to lose sensetivity during sex?!?!? And lastly, the operation requires very painful healing. Why do that unnecessarily?
I'm sorry OP, I feel for you! I dislike uncircumcised guys! I'm not sure I would have asked my guy to change, though. My ex told me after we broke up that he did get circumcised (he had a lot of problems with being uncircumcised. He'd get hard in the night and wake up in pain because the foreskin didn't pull back, etc), so it is possible for adult men to get circumcised.
There are something in relationships you just can't change- in laws and whether they're circumcised.
"I've seen how much of that cheesy stuff builds up under there if he doesnt clean it properly in the shower, even for just a day."
@Cryptic: What? That sounds like there is either an infection of some kind going on or your FI is not doing so well on the hygiene front. I've been with my uncircumcised DH for more than 3 years and have NEVER seen this. My previous boyfriend was also uncircumcised and I never saw this with him either. This does not sound normal and is certainly not the norm for uncircumcised men.
As others have said, there is absolutely no medical reason for a circumcision to be done - do a bit of research and you will see that no medical body recommends circumcision as a standard course of action. If you're concerned about the hyigene, talk to your FI about this - a grown man should be able to keep his penis clean without any extra effort beyond what you would normally expect a person to put into cleaning themselves on a daily basis.
Appearance - well this is incredibly superficial. What if he said he didn't like the way your labia looked and wanted you to have a procedure to make them more appealing to him? Would you willing undergo that surgery just because he prefers the look of it?
The actual surgery - yes of course he would be anesthetized for the surgery but that doesn't take away the pain of the recovery. If you do a bit of research, you will find that circumcisions performed on grown men have a significantly more difficult recovery than when it's done on infants. It is incredibly painful, infections can occur, and complications can arise, including a loss of sensitivity altogether. As someone else said, the head of the penis is as sensitive as the clitoris - would you really want someone to cut off the tip of your clitoris? Can you imagine how painful that recovery would be?
And as for the sensitivity issue - it will take a long time for him to get used to having his exposed head rubbing against his underwear and that will be awfully uncomfortable. Men who are circumcised from birth grow up with a decreased sensitivity but as an adult male, now he's all of a sudden got this extremely sensitive part of his body constantly rubbing against fabrics - the desensitization doesn't happen overnight, and it is bound to be uncomfortable, if not downright painful.
Finally, sex. When erect, there is no difference between a circumcised and an uncircumcised penis, which leads me to believe that the only thing bothering you is its appearance when it's flaccid, which is of course a superficial reason. You said you wanted a decreased sensitivity for him, presumably so he'll last longer? I've never noticed a difference in how long a man lasts between cut and uncut men - if your FI isn't lasting long enough for you, then you guys need to try new things to figure out how to make him last longer, not cut off the head of his penis to decrease his sensitivity.
There is no way you can bring this up tactfully. The closest you can come is to talk about future children and whether or not he wants to have his sons circumcised. If he doesn't like being uncircumcised, that will be the conversation where he brings it up. If not, you need to accept that the man you apparently want to marry is uncircumcised and you'll have to decide whether that is something you can live with or not. As I said earlier, marriage = unconditional love.
ETA: Oops, massively long post, sorry!
I am horrified that you would think this is an appropriate thing to "tactfully" bring up with your SO. Circumcision is NOT a positive thing and we should be encouraging less of it, not more. If you tell your SO you're unhappy with his junk you might make him self-conscious around you for the remainder of your relationship - which I doubt would last very long anyway.
I agree with PPs--- it is a very bad idea to ask your man to do this. you clearly want to defend yourself here, but there is literally not one bee here who has agreed. if he wants to get the circumcision, then let it be his idea. don't even bring it up at risk of insulting him.
not only is it totally painful during the healing process, it is demeaning.
I've seen how much of that cheesy stuff builds up under there if he doesnt clean it properly in the shower, even for just a day.
um, have you ever noticed the gross buildup that can happen in your vajayjay if you don't clean it in the shower, even after only one day? especially at the end of a period? I am quite surprised men don't run screaming away from us sometimes.
And quite frankly my breasts are big enough anyway, so getting breast implants would just be overkill.
the PP was trying to draw a comparison directed back at you. what if he told you that you needed to alter any part of your body because he finds it visually unappealing and unlcean?
@laurelina: this sums it up perfectly.
OP I'm not going to admonish you again for your incredibly selfish requests as I believe you've heard enough from the previous posters. However I will say that I believe you are very misinformed about circumcision.
A male very close to me, (but not my DH), got circumcised as an adult. It was completely his decision and one he grappled with for a LONG time. First of all the healing process was extremely painful and uncomforable. He basically took a month off from his life because he couldn't really wear clothes. He graduated to a bathrobe after about 2 weeks and eventually to sweatpants. But seeing him first hand, it was a terrible recovery.
Being an adult, he has the unique perspectie of sex both ways. He has told me that sex for him is much better after the circumcision because he is MUCH MORE SENSETIVE. So your theory that your man would be less sensetive and would thus last longer goes out the window. If you want your FI to last longer, get a cock ring or a numbing lube or one of the other many many devises for this problem.
I've been with both circumcised and uncircumcised men and I'm with you on the unattractiveness thing, but once it's hard they all look and feel the same.
Asking him to do this is the surest way to lose him.
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