- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2016
I’ve been wanting to post this for awhile but I’ve been worried that somehow someone I know will find me on here and go tell my grandparents what I’ve said but I’m at the stage now where I don’t care
I always idolised my grandparents on my dad’s side (both of my mum’s parents passed away when I was younger).
I absolutely adored my Pa and thought he was the most wonderful man in the world and that he gave the best hugs, I felt the same with my grandma (she made the best cups of tea!!) When I was in early primary school my parents moved our family of 4 to a different state and we didn’t see my grandparents as much (obviously).. anyway jump a few years ahead and I am 15.. my grandparents come up for a visit over the Christmas holidays for 2 weeks it was sort of a last minute thing and my parents already had friends from out of town visiting for 3 weeks also who were already staying with us so my grandparents got a motel nearby, on one of the days they were at our place my then boyfriend asked me to go over to his house for a swim for the afternoon, I asked my parents and they said that since my grandparents were visiting they said that I should probably stay home and spend time with them (this is fine by me since I don’t see them often) but my Pa overhears this conversation and says that I shouldn’t miss out on a fun afternoon just because of them and even offers to drive me there.. I accept and off we go… by the end of the holiday my grandparents take each one of us aside (Mum, Dad, Me & Brother) and tell us how disappointed that are that we had other people visiting while they were there and that they had to stay in a hotel and that me their granddaughter would rather spend time with my little high school boyfriend than with them (my brother ended up smelling like roses because he worked the whole time they were visiting).. apologies were made and everything was fine after that..
Skip ahead to my 21st birthday party.. my parents were throwing me a big party with all of my family and friends so they sent out the invitations,(all of the Aunts and Uncles mentioned form here onwards all live interstate) soon after the invites were sent my mum got an email from my grandma saying how upset she is that the invitation was addressed to them with their actual names not “Grandma & Pa” to which my mum replied with something along the lines of “well the invitations are from your son and I and since you are our parents not our grandparents we thought it would be more appropriate to use your name” (much nicer than how I’ve written it obviously). Grandma seemed to get over it.. sort of.
Then my aunty asked if her 13 year old daughter could bring a friend to my party (also 13) to which mum asked me, I said no, I did not know this girl and I did not want to risk her underage drinking or getting into trouble (looking back I wish I had just said yes because all of these problems wouldn’t be happening and really it wasn’t a big deal if she came but at the time I didn’t see it that way). So after me saying no mum got a scathing email from both my aunty and grandmother about how unfair and rude I was being and how this girl was such a nice girl etc.. my Aunty then proceeded to say mean things to my mum like “I practically raised your daughter and this is the thanks I get” (can I say that this is a full on LIE!! I had not seen my aunty since I was 13 and before then I really only remember her from family events) – they claim that they never said any of this but my mum printed out the emails and still has them today for proof!
THEN… My uncle emails my mum (same side of the family as grandma and aunty) and says that they won’t be coming because their children’s names were not on the invitation and they would NOT be attending without them – mum said that she was so sorry but she forgot to put kids names on the invitations and did not realise until later and that of course the children were invited, but this was not good enough they had already made up their mind..
Things got out of hand and since my 21st (I am turning 25 this year) I have not spoken to my uncle or aunty and hardly have a relationship with my grandma. Things were said about how we moved away and never made any effort to contact the family anymore, since then I have tried many times to contact my grandma via email, text, Facebook and a few phone calls but I rarely get a response and when I do it is usually over a month or so later and is about 2 sentences long although she has time to write long Facebook posts to my cousins (who she sees all the time) about how much she loved her and is proud of her or how nice her hair looks in a photo..
My brother and his girlfriend are having a baby this year and my SO and I are hoping to buy our first home.. My dad was on the phone to my grandma on Sunday night and all she kept asking about was my bro and his GF and the baby.. not once did she even say “oh how is Brickette doing?” or “have they found a house yet”.. nothing.. not a peep..
They make no effort whatsoever to fix the broken relationships, anytime we are in Victoria (the state they live in) we go see them, but there have been many times that my aunty and her family have been in Queensland and not even told us they were here.. yet we are the bad guys.. My grandmother told my SO and I the last time we were visiting “gee you and Brick got fat didn’t you” I mean REALLY?
I am at the stage now where I am ready to wipe my hands of the whole family and never speak with them again but I know that would hurt my dad because at the end of the day they are his family too but I can’t handle the rejection anymore, or the feeling that they don’t love me (or my mum because apparently her and I are the only two rude selfish members of our family).. it’s so frustrating because after everything that has happened over the years they take NO responsibility for any of the things that went bad.. they honestly believe that it is 100% our fault..
Sorry for the long post but I really needed to get that out in the open instead of just thinking about it all the time.. I know a lot of it sounds petty and pathetic and I couldn’t agree more but I’m just so over being the bad guy all the time.
ETA: There is a lot more I could say on the subject but I don’t want to put anyone to sleep more than I already have!