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Ok Mommies.....I want the answer to the question that EVERYONE has been telling me since I was 25....
IS IT REALLY DIFFERENT WHEN IT'S YOUR OWN KID?
I was never one for babysitting, I dont' like "playing" with kids, I'm just not a kid person. I do like holding babies though & like them in the stage before they can walk. Is there any Moms out there that were unsure if they wanted kids because of your lack of interest in everyone else's kids but it was different when you had your own?
Do you guys know what I'm talking about?
Hahaha, I love this thread already and am curious to see what people post! I am NOT into kids lately. So many of them are brats lately and I just have zero patience! And then all the people I know that are planning to have babies soon, in my opinion, shouldn't (for various reasons, including not being able to pay their mortgage, but thinking that it is a good idea to get a dog and have a child...). I dunno, maybe I'm cynical... but I do like my niece and nephew... and like them more cuz I can give them back to my brothers...
LOL YES IT IS!!!!!
My point is I HATED babysitting! I couldnt really stand kids to be honest. I worked in retail so I didn't have to babysit all through high school. Everyone thought I was going to be the last of everyone to have a baby and BOOM I was the FIRST! Total shocker to everyone including myself!
I adore my son. Still not a fan of too many other kids though. Yesterday I saw our little girl on the ultrasound for the first time and fell in love. Still couldn't care less about many other ultra sound photos. Kids are cute but I can only handle mine. Thats just the cold hard facts. But Yes it is different!!!!
Yes.
Ahem, let me say that again.
YES.
Everything is different when it's YOUR baby. I can't explain why, maybe because it's traced back as a reflection of yourself and all people have some secret vanity associated with showing off "their" babies, but YES it's completely different. You love your baby even when they are ugly. You love them even when they misbehave. Sure, they piss you off sometimes. And embarass you. And pee on you. But somehow you still love them. Because they are YOURS. Oh, and because dumping them on someone else isn't an option anymore.
(There is some humor in my reply above, please take it as lighthearted, as is intentioned...)
Yes it reallly is different when its your own! I was the sameee way... didnt like babysitting or wasnt interested in anyone elses kids really. Example, when my nephew was little and would be drooling everywhere she would just wipe it all with her hand. I would CRINGE. literally. I wouldnt even drink after him because I didnt want baby back wash. And her reply was always "When it's your kid you won't mind". Now that i've had my daughter.. I really dont mind. I'll wipe her drool/dirty mouth/snotty nose with my hand if i need to! It's just different. I had ZERO patience before having a child... then BAM now i have it(most of the time). You'll see one day! It's because you love your child.. you dont love all those other snot nose babies :)
I used to be the one who complained about babies crying in restaurants. I'd be like "ugh. why did they bring a baby out to dinner?"
Now? I just smile and say (and mean it) "aw...poor little thing. But he/she's so cute."
It is true. You do feel differently when you're a mom.
I am very interested in this thread, because I am experiencing some doubts too. I know I want kids. I would like to have them tomorrow if I could (husband wants to wait a year). However, I was at the library today and children were running around screaming and I couldn't get out of there fast enough. The same thing happens when I go the mall and pass the indoor jungle gym.
Do you also build a better tolerance to other people's screaming, whining kids, once you have your own?
I'm interested too. I don't have my own children but I think that when they are your own it's different. When you are babysitting they aren't your kids so it's harder to get them to obey, or they don't do the stuff you would approve of, etc.
After 3 boys I have to say YES. I'm the oldest so I had to babysit my younger siblings and they were always more of a burden than anything. I had little cousins that I would play with but for the most part I didn't want to be bothered. My family is still a bit surprised that I have 3 kids and am wanting another one because I have 0 patience period. I really do love being a mom and I couldn't imagine my life without either one of them.
Once you look into their little eyes and see resemblences of you and your SO it just makes all the difference in the world. All those annoying things you see other people's children doing are now the cutest things in the world and you can't wait to take videos and pictures to show the family.
This is good to hear! When I watch my friends with their kids, I just get tired and freaked out at the thought of having to do it someday myself.
I have more tolerance for children now, but it still only goes so far. I can have sympathy for the babies who won't stop crying, because I've been there, but I have no patience for those children who are old enough to know better but throw a tantrum anyway.
Before, I couldn't stand children at all. I felt awkward around them and never knew how to respond when they tried to ask me questions. I hated sticky fingers. I helped babysit once, and it wasn't too bad, but I was in charge of the older kids.
I actually wasn't even sure that I wanted children. Yes, I had names picked out and what not, but I had absolutely no maternal instinct at all. I only had baby fever when both of my best friends were pregnant, and I wasn't. After I got my senses back, I was over it.
As far as anything you have to do goes, it is easier. I remember my friend basically thrusting her kid (6 weeks old) in my arms when I was six months pregnant, and I had no idea what to do with him. I still wouldn't have any idea.
I have no issue handling my daughter. I hate the drool though. I can change a diaper most of the time without a problem, but drool, ew, I hate the feel of it on my fingers. My daughter's was the first diaper I ever changed.
I really can only handle my daughter though. I don't go crazy for babies or anything. Nothing has changed there.
I definitely have more tolerance for babies and children. I just consider it kharma. Because someday MY kids will embarass me by throwing a tantrum, and that shouldn't reflect on ME but people always blame parents even when the kids are just psychopathic twerps like my cousin. So, yeah. I see other babies/kids now and I smile when they mess up or scream or whatever. And I think "Thank God that's not me today."
I was that way before I got preggers. I was scared that I didnt really want kids because kids never really took to me and I would get kind of annoyed when they would walk or talk! But not that I am preggers, I am SO EXCITED for all of the stages and changes!
Can I state that I can't stand the children who should know better, not the parents? Sometimes I see those parents who are disciplining their children, but the children won't listen. That's the fault of the child. There's a difference between that and those parents who do nothing and let their child scream.
And just so you know, I was not offended MightySapphire, I just wanted to clarify. I realized when I read your comment that people might have taken what I said the wrong way.
It really is different when it is your own. I was never one for babies or little kids - and guess what - I am still not lol. I love my son more than anything and I love spending loads of time with him - still not a fan of other little babies though. I still dont want to hold other peoples new babies. Its different with your own becasue there is a bond.
I don't have any and don't want any so I hope its okay if I post here, lol! This is interesting to me, too :) But I do have to say, I wish that the folks that remember what it was like to be irritated by someone letting their child scream in a restaurant mabye WOULDN'T find it so cute or 'okay now' that they are the parent, lol! My sister makes sure she consciously reminds herself of how annoying it is when that happens and removes my adorable (but loud :P) Godson from wherever he is screaming. It's okay to sympathise now that's its you, but please, try to retain some of the non- emotionally invested feelings and LEAVE when Junior won't settle down!
That and drool = gross for me, too! My Mom always says it's different when its yours but I don't care - if it drools, give it back! My sis is 41 and just had her first and only and still says she thinks drool is gross. She refuses to mop it up with her fingers - she always has a towel at the ready, lol!
Thanks - PSA over :)
It's very different. Before she was born, I was the type of person that hearing a baby cry or kids running around would drive me insane and I would try to get away as fast as possible. I still have these moments with the children of stangers, but not my girl. When she cries I want to fix it and make it better, when she runs I want to tell her to be careful and then chase her down and tickle her. She looks just like FI and I love her to death. When she says I love you to the stars and back or that we're best friends, my hearts melts.
I would never try to talk someone into having children, but I will definitely say it's different for me.
My fiance and I are completely different..we love kids..we adore all of them and enjoy surrounding ourselves with their cuteness..we take our friends' kids to disneyland and chase after them so I'm fearing that we won't love ours because somehow we're cursed or something. Babies tend to look at us and smiled and we'd play peek-a-boo with them complete strangers.
I'm hoping this is the case. I have very little interest in kids in general, and get bored of them really quickly. I'm hoping I'll be more into it, once it's my own kid, and realize that me playing with them for more than 5 minutes is essential to their well being and development.
And oh my god... drool. I can't handle it. My cousin kisses her drooly baby on the mouth when he's eaten recently and it freaks me out every time. I would be so grossed out if I ever got a little chunk of half eaten pablum in my mouth.
I hear this may be the least of my worries though...
Honestly, I think it will be better when it is your own kid, but I still think it will be a pain in the butt. Sorry, that sounds awful. What I mean to say is; I think it is depressing to be trapped home with a young child you cannot really relate to- granted- I have not had my own kids yet- so I am hoping it will be different once I do/ if I do- and I am sure it will be because you will care more about them (naturally) -but still- in my experience (watching other people's children and hanging out with people that have young ones)- the parents aren't that thrilled to be trapped home with the kids all the time. I don't want to be a downer, just want to be realistic, but I do hope it is at least better when it is your own.
One time I was at a wedding and this lady was thinking of having children (this was when I was 22, so I was just listening- far from married), and I remember hearing her say to the other women who had kids running around, "someone tell me SOMEthing positive about motherhood!" "Just say one positive thing about motherhood!" ...
i NEVER wanted kids. I loved kids, my nieces were my life, but never wanted my own. ow and behold, a whoops and there was my son. I never had another child, but I can say, as much as I love my nieces and nephews, there's no feelng like that of when you first hold your own baby. Its amazing how you can love someoe sooo much! Its very different, and in a good way!
Well, it really depends on the person. Only you can decided if it will be different, and if you are ready. I know this one lady, who actually passed away a week ago, sadly, who had three children, but abandoned them at a very young age, because she didn't have the motherly instinct. She loves children, but couldn't bare to mother her own. Now that is an example of it NOT being different if they are your own. On the other hand, I have never in my whole life experienced the type of love I have for my son. There is nothing comparable to him. Not my boyfriend, not my own mother, not money, not myself. He is the absolute greatest joy and love in my life. However, I happen to have the motherly instinct, and I happen to always love children. I couldn't see why a person wouldn't really, they are innocent, and funny, and full of optimism, life, and energy. So to answer your question, sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. If you are good with kids, you'll probably be a good mom.
I don't think I have EVER in my whole time being a mother felt depressed or lonely. In fact I think it is the only time that I have never for a day ever felt depressed or lonely since he has been born. Also I don;t feel trapped at home because I have a family, but rather fulfilled. I can list a whole wack of reasons why motherhood is ideal, but I would much rather you experience that for yourself one day!
YES. Even after having my own baby, I've still not warmed up to play dates and Mommy groups because, pretty much, I just don't like other kids. I was even thinking about this yesterday, whether I'd be happy to babysit my friends' babies when my daughter is grown and out of the baby stage, and although I'd do it if they needed a favor, I wouldn't really volunteer to do it or love it. I just don't care that much for kids and babies, though obviously I do like my own daughter.
That said, since I'm not naturally a "kid" person, I think I tend to have a shorter fuse than those women who are. I can handle whining for about 12 seconds and then I've had enough, and every time my daughter passes another milestone that takes her out of babyhood I think, "At least I'll only have to do that once," since we aren't having any more.
Yes it is different. I am a totally sympathy-puker. But I can clean up my daughter's throw up no-problem. Just one super-gross example.
You know the scene in "Baby Mama" where she goes "Is that chocolate or poop?" and then tastes it? Yeah, THAT is what it's like when it's your kid. The poop isn't gross. Neither is the spit up or the drool (different things). Their cries elicit sympathy instead of annoyance. It's...just...a mommy thing.
I still find other kids' bodily fluids GROSS. But not DD's. Can't explain that. Except maybe that is evolutionary biology. Because how long would the human race have lasted if you were grossed out by your own kid?
@luckyprincess: I don't think I'd ever give someone a dirty look if their kid was crying anymore. Sometimes it's like trying to make the rain stop. You just can't control it. Also, while I would reconsider taking the baby to a quiet, high-end restaurant, it's no holds barred at a family restaurant like IHOP or Applebees. That's why they label themselves "family" restaurants.
yes, it's even different when it's just family for me. I've always liked kids and babies but after holding a baby for awhile or babysitting, I'd be like "ok, I'm done". But now, I've noticed since my niece was born just how in love with her I am. I could hold her for hours and hours and it's never enough!
Thank you for telling me that. I think it was just the situation I was in- being forced to stay home as a teenager and raise my mother's child- that made me feel that way. I am happy to hear your positive words and encouragement.
I think it will be different because you raise the child and point them down a path. I agree so many kids are brats, but it's not the kids- it's the parenting.
It better be...A couple with a baby just moved into the apartment next to us and I'm hating life right now, as well as the baby, the parents and the rental agent. The walls are paper thin in our building and her screaming carries over through the living room, the study, all the way to our bedroom. I really don't enjoy waking up to that in the middle of the night 
THANK YOU for all of the replies! I've done alot of thinking & actually admitted to my new hubbie that I think I might want to have a baby. He looked shell-shocked! ha! He couldn't believe it! He said "really? really? you were soooo opposed....really?" haha! He had always said he would be good either way b/c when we talked about it before we got engaged I had said I just really wanted to focus on my marriage & thought at 36 I was too set in my ways. Well we got married & I was sitting on the couch one evening looking at my now husband & thought....I think I want to have a baby with him! It shocked me also so I know it shocked him!
He said he's not opposed to it at all but wants to be out of debt before because he would really like me to stay home with the baby....not sure about that one, but it could be an option! Then he said he always envisioned that he would have kids & thought I would be a great mom :) and after I voiced my concern of babies pushing couples apart he replied with "oh no, i definately think if anything it would bring us closer as a couple and a family"
So I'm still scared, but in a different way. Now I'm scared that I wont' be able to get pregnant & scared about how life will change....but excited at the same time. So later this month I go to my OB/GYN & start the discussion! Wish me luck as I turn 37 in 15 days & I know chances start decreasing at 35.
Again ~ thanks Ladies!!!!
My mom said this was true of her before she had me and my sisters---she didn't really like kids, was iffy on having them, and then boom! had them and loved us. Not everyone else's kids, but us.
my mom told me once that when she was pregnant, people kept telling her she wouldn't mind the really gross parts of having a baby (pooping, vomit, etc.) when it was her baby...but she was adamant that wasn't true for her! she thought it was all totally disgusting.
Yes.
I personally have very little patience/love/affection for children (really anyone under the age of 17 and even then...)
But when it comes to my son, haha it is a completely different story.
Sure the pooping, vomiting, snot & sticky mess isn't something I looooooooooooove, but I definitely tolerate it better because I love my son.
It's different when they are your neices and nephews!!! I don't care HOW bratty my sisters kids are, I just want to ATTACK them with kisses and hugs and give them everything they are not allowed to have!!! I would do anything for them! I already know my little nephew wants "Spider Man" for his 3rd birthday which is the day after Xmas. He's getting it from his Aunty!!
And I was also someone who hated playing with kids and I STILL get annoyed out at restaurants when there are kids acting up (although def not as much).
I'm having a baby in March. I loved what my dad said to me the other day "Children will bring you joy and love like you never known, but they will also make everything else suck" LOLOL! So maybe that's why it just seems horrible to some people-because it can be. But luckily the love you have for your baby and baby has for you makes up for it.
People say "You must love kids!" when I tell them I am a kinder teacher. They give me a blank look and then laugh when i say " not really, actually quite the oppisite" I was a single mom for 12 years. My son is awesome though. I never care to hold babies or even care to run to see a new baby. I could care less about babies. But I ADORE MY NIECES. so i guess, for me, yes, its different!
I think in most cases, yes, of course it's different when it's your own children.
But my question would be, that if you are that anti-children, why have them in the first place?
I've come to the conclusion recently that children might not be for me, because I just don't like them, and selfish as it might sound, I don't want my life to revolve around children. I'm sure that if I did have children, I would love them, as that's natural; but I'm not sure I'll get to the stage of actually TRYING for a baby, so it's kind of a moot point I guess.
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