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As some of you know, Loverboy asked me if I would marry him yesterday. There is no ring involved (yet) but it is a sincere proposal. When I told my mother she was excited but then said "you know, the proper thing for him to do would be to ask your father for permission when he does have a ring for you."
This kind of annoyed me - why should my dad have to give him permission? Am I not my own person? What is the point in this? Also - I have a stepdad and a dad - does that mean Loverboy is supposed to ask him both?
I just think this is kind of a silly tradition and not sure what to think about this or do regarding it. Should I mention it to Loverboy? How many of your fiances or husbands asked your dad first? Did it really even matter?
My husband did speak to my father before proposing, but it was more like he was stating his intentions to my dad and asking for his blessing- not asking PERMISSION!
I think it might be a nice gesture towards your parents for your FI to ask their blessing.
My FI asked my dad first. It's one of those traditions that I would like to stick to. My dad only has daughters (me and my sister) and this was very important to him.
My FI was REALLY nervous which surprised me because my dad is such an easygoing guy ;o)
my FI spoke to my father first, it was actually important to him to do so. it's not so much for permission anymore, more just a nice gesture and to get their blessing!
I think that it's different for everyone. Ultimately, I think he needs to know you and what you would like. Do YOU want him to ask for your hand, or a blessing? If you don't, then it wasn't needed to begin with.
Here's a link to an older post with a poll about this same subject: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/did-he-ask-your-parents-permission-to-marry-you
FI asked my mom for permission, he's just old school in that regards. If it really offends you that much I'd just ignore it, but if you think it'll keep the peace, maybe have him ask?
My FI wanted to ask. Plus he was so excited about the ring I think he wanted to share it with them because it was burning a hole in his pocket. I"m kind of jealous because they apparently celebrate with a toast and all and I wasn't there! But that's okay I think it was important to my FI to know they were just excited as we are.
My fiance asked permission in way, though we all knew he was basically just showing respect for my Dad. I think my Dad was impressed and touched.
My fiance asked my father's permission first because he knew it was important to both me and my father. I think it's just a matter of how traditional you or your family is though. I think most daddies get impressed/excited when the guy does it nowadays, but wouldn't shoot 'em down if they didn't.
My parents completely expects to be asked for their *blessing* but certainly not their *permission*. Permission would be a bit futile, anyway, since they know I'd do it even if they said no. They love boyfriend, but still. That being said, it's hard for him to ask my Dad's permission since my parents are 6 hours away... We won't get engaged til January at the earliest, but we'll see my parents in October (they are coming up here and then he's going down there with me), I'll go home for Christmas (not Thanksgiving) but there are no plans for boyfriend and I to go down together between October and January! So he either asks them in October one of the two weekends we see them, sends them a letter or calls them, the latter 2 options he's not a fan of. So annoying.
My fiance asked both of my parents, although my Mom was already 'in' on it because nothing gets by her and FH had the diamond shipped to her house since we live in NYC and can't get packages. My Dad was totally shocked because we had only been dating 1.5 years and my sister had just gotten engaged (I don't think Dads understand how getting engaged works). And after he finally got over his initial shock he said "Well, Mr. Moderndaisy, I guess there's nothing we can say except for absolutely Yes!"
I wouldn't have it any other way, I'm so glad he went through all the trouble of asking my parents! :)
For those of you who are against asking the parents, let me ask you this...is your father walking you down the aisle? Are you wearing white?
I mean, being "given away" as an innocent virgin by your father to your husband seems like an even bigger insult than asking for the parents' blessing.
I am ok with all of the traditions. I find them sentimental and cute.
i dont get the asking for permission bit but then i also dont get giving the bride away - a person isnt a chattel to be passed off like an asset - but snaps to those that find this important to them, to each their own
My FI asked my dad before he proposed. As many have said, I don't think he was looking for permission, but thought he owed it to my folks to ask for their blessing. That being said, I think it's totally up to the couple. It's probably not necesary, but I think it's a nice gesture.
My FI told my parents he was planning on proposing, and asked for their blessing. But no, didn't ask for permission. That would have been a bit silly (we're almost 30).
My FI did, he actually asked my mother and father..not for permission but for their blessing! I was really happy that he decided to go that route but I don't think it's a deal breaker if your fiance doesn't. It is an older tradition but it isn't necessarry anymore. However he asked, he did it with the intention of marrying you, that in itself is so special!
My FI called my dad a few days before and told him he was going to propose. It wasn't so much for permission, as it was more of a "heads-up" and for his blessing. I thought it was a really sweet gesture and I know my dad really appreciated it. I know it was hard for FI to pick up the phone and dial because there is a slight language barrier (English is my dad's second langauge and he speaks with a heavy accent), which makes it even sweeter! 
I don't it's necessary any more, but is definitely a nice thing to do. It'd defintiely different in different situations!
My husband didn't ask for permission, just asked for a blessing. I think that difference might make your fiance seem a little more inclined to do so to keep the family peace? Maybe even ask both your parents together?
My FI asked my parents for their blessing. This was really important to me and something he would have done anyway. I'm very close to my parents and I think asking for the bride's parents for their blessing is a sweet tradition.
Thanks for the insight ladies ... I guess it was partially the way my mom worded the question, too - it just threw me off! And it seemed so strange in the middle of her happiness about it that she would say that ... and almost seemed to negate the question in the first place.
I'll be talking to Loverboy about this - I'm sure he won't mind - he gets along pretty well with both my dad and stepdad. It's kinda cool, actualy they have tons in common!
I told my FI that he needed to call my dad and get his blessing, but I had already said yes and the call came after the fact. We're in our mid 30's and don't really need permission to get married (and I'm not having my parents give me away either, I left home 16 yrs ago!) but I knew that since my 2 BIL's asked my dad first, it might become an issue. Sure enough, they came to visit 2 weeks later and my dad brought up that very fact! Fortunately my mom came to my rescue and reminded him it was the thought that counted. In the end, its up to you!
Fi had no idea he was supposed to get a blessing from my parents, so he didn't do it. I was completely surprised by it, and didn't get to tell my parents for a week once it happened (we were overseas on a cruise). They never said anything about it, and truthfully they loved him anyway so it was just the icing on the cake 
It is a nice gesture. My fiance didn't talk to my parents because he knew my mom wouldn'thave been able to keep her mouth shut and therefore ruin his surprise (and I totally agree with him, as my mom is awful with "secrets".) He already knew my parents really liked him, so he took the 'risk' of not asking my parents first. My parents never made any comments about how they feel about his not asking (my mom insisted that she would've been able to keep the secret, but no way would she have been able to keep it a secret). It was actually my FI's mom who was surprised when she found out her son didn't ask my parents first. She sounded like she was disappointed in her son and made a comment about how she didn't 'raise him right", that he is supposed to ask first, etc.... lol But my FI did approach my parents right after I said "yes" and asked them if it were ok with them and that he did mean to ask them first, if it weren't for my mom. lol
It's NOT necessary... but it still means a lot to a lot of dads.
My dad would be upset if J proposed without first 'asking' him. That said, I don't give a hoot if dad says no (which he won't), I'm marrying who I'm marrying. It kind of goes hand-in-hand, in my mind, with the whole dad walking you down the aisle to 'give you away' to your new hubby. I'm hoping to nix that tradition (haven't told dad yet... hope there're no tears!) personally.
i don't think there's any such thing as "proper" anymore. would it be nice? yes! would it be sweet? yes! would it be a cool gesture of respect to your dad (and therefore good manners)? yes! but "proper" or "improper"? neither.
what about the ladies that are already living with their boyfriends or the ones having sex with their BF's??? did the BF go over to dads house and ask if it was ok to to have sex with his daughter first?
thats why i find the "asking for permission" or consideration or blessing - whatever you want to call it weird
i can bang (yes a somewhat offensive term) your daugther but when it comes to marriage & committment i ask first?
im NOT against the BF asking but i still find it all very strange to understand considering some of the lifestyle choices already in place
It's completely personal and if it doesn't bother you in any way and you think it is sweet, then do it. If it feels weird to you, then don't.
I don't think I personally know anyone whose fiance asked their parents. I'm actually pretty surprised that so many people chimed in that their FI did it. I thought this was a dead tradition. Personally, I would be very offended if my husband had asked my dad for a blessing or permission. To the person (jocelyn 3476) who asked above...no my father did not give me away and no, I did not wear white (which, by the way, has nothing to do with virginity).
I say, to each their own!
My guy did but thats because it is a little more traditional on our end. I've also heard about people getting a "blessing" or a "go ahead" from the parents after the engagement.
I would have liked for Mr. Luna to talk to my dad before proposing, but he didn't say anything to ANYBODY (even his own parents were surprised) beforehand. When I talked to my dad (privately) after we had told him and my step-mom that we were engaged to ask him if he was upset/offended that Mr. Luna didn't talk to him prior to and he said no. My dad & step-mom have 2 girls (me and my sister who has special needs), so I will probably be the only of the 2 to get married. I was glad that it wasn't a big deal to my dad - he's just happy that we're happy. :)
I think if my dad were alive today my husband would have asked him for his blessing... he's old school like that.
I'm southern, and Daddy is very much the southern gentleman. FI is very much afraid of Daddy, for absolutely no good reason (he's a funny, super sweet well-mannered man- but for some reason, FI has this eternal image of Dad on a front porch in a rocking chair with a shot gun cocked, rocking menacingly...I really don't know why hah, maybe Dad's fear-nothing/gun toting cowboy attitude!). Dad didn't want or need FI to ask his "permission", but I wanted to see FI squirm, so I told him it was extremely necessary to sit down and talk to Dad. Dad knew we were getting married beforehand, of course! I swear to you FI was FREAKING OUT for days before he talked to Daddy, it was hilarious! FI would have done the same thing to me if he had a reason heh. Dad loves FI like a son though, so it was all good! We were living/sleeping together for seven years and everyone was totally aware of it, but it's a southern show of respect I believe. Sister's FI did the same thing! Good bonding moment for the boys! And I'm a total femi-nazi half the time, so the "permission" deal just doesn't even apply, I feel, in this situation :P Like I said, a formality that is endearing and respectful. And I'm an atheist, no ceremony, anti-kid wedding girl here, so don't think it's just a certain stereotype that does things that way.
My fiance asked my dad AND my mom, not for permission really, but just to let them know. I loved that he asked them both! It definitely impressed them. Even though it is tradition, it is courteous and gets things started off on the right foot with the future in laws.
My dad and FI get along great (as in, fishing buddies when they're together!) but FI did not ask for his permission/blessing regarding the proposal. I would probably have been a little irritated with him if he had asked, because my parents really stressed that we needed to be independent and self-reliant once we left home, so I don't think that him asking their blessing would have seemed appropriate to my parents either.
BTW- I'm not trying to insinuate that anyone is less independent if FI asked permission, I'm just thinking out loud. Please don't take this statement the wrong way!
i think it's a great tradition (that's all it really is) i have no problem with this and think it's cute and sweet. (i don't know if m will ask or not and i don't really care lol) but i'd hope that my son asks his whomever when he grows up because it's a nice formality (just like saying yes ma'am no ma'am).
My FI didn't really "ask" my father. But we're kinda "old fashion" and he wasn't asking my father for his premission to marry me. He just pretty much wanted his blessing. He told my father that he loved me, wanted to buy a ring and to spend his life with me. He told my father that he wanted to buy me a ring for a long time, but didn't want to rush. He wanted to wait until he was on his own, and could prove that he could be a provider, and knew how to handle "real life".
I'm like crebre80 about my future children. I hope my son(s) are like that. And that my daughter(s) boyfriends are the same way. LOL! It's just more of a respect thing.
heehee, i would bet that anyone saying the word "daddy", ever, has to have permission/blessing!
A question was asked about the non-askers having the father give them away or wear white. I am wearing ivory, and I think he's walking me down the aisle. I don't consider it giving me away, it's more like someone to walk with you so you don't faint halfway through. As for the traditional colored dress - personally, i wouldn't mind just wearing whatever the hell color looked good on me, but i want to stand out and look pretty and have memorable photos, so I'm wearing white.
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