(Closed) Is it rude to ask guests to RSVP?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

Definitely not! Just let them know you are working on finalizing a head count for food/seating/etc. You want to make sure you have a seat for everyone!

Post # 4
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

OMG that is not wrong AT ALL. What is wrong is that your guests haven’t bothered to respond. Obviously you need a final head count for your vendors! I’ve posted about this a bunch already but WHAT IS SO HARD ABOUT RSVP’ing?!? Since it is that many people I think you should enlist some help from FI, maids, family, etc. to track these people down and beat a response out of them. I’m sorry but it really aggravates me when this happens to people, and it seems to happen to everyone and I simply DO NOT understand why. Personally I’ve never waited more than a week to send back my card, and that includes weddings I have been in. So. Rude.

Post # 5
Member
2476 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would wait till their "due date" in 2 weeks, and then send an email or call those who haven’t RSVPd by then.

Post # 6
Member
2365 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I would have your mom do it … or you. I mean, it isn’t really that bad … maybe it is or maybe it’s not, but I wouldn’t scoff at a nice brief email stating that rsvps are due soon.

Post # 7
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Oh wait I didn’t see you still had two weeks left. Oops 🙂

You should wait until your RSVP deadline. How soon after that do your vendors need a final count? If it’s VERY close then maybe a gentle reminder email pre-deadline would be called for.

Post # 8
Member
6010 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I sent out a friendly reminder about a week before our RSVP due date.  It had a link to our wedding website in it (where we were collecting all our RSVP’s), and almost half our missing RSVP’s immediately responded! 

If you have a website, and you haven’t already directed your guests to the link, maybe you can post something on there about looking forward to receiving RSVP’s or post your deadline and let everyone know that you have a website they can check out.  In fact, even if you have told people about it before, do some updating and re-send the link.  You could even post on your front page or something, "I’m so excited to get back the RSVP’s!  Now that we’re so close to the deadline (7/8/2009) I can’t wait to see who will be able to celebrate with us on our big day!"

Post # 11
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

OK well if you’re cutting it that close with your vendors then definitely send that email!

Post # 12
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee

Wait until the due date. I often don’t send my cards until the last possible day, especially if I have to travel for the wedding and am unsure about my financial commitment.

Post # 13
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I would wait until closer to the deadline… and maybe explain to your caterer that there was a "misunderstanding" and you won’t have a head count in time? It seems strange that the caterer needs to know so early… it’s not like they can start chopping and sauteing now!

Post # 14
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I would do something the week that they are due not after the due date. Maybe some forgot and if you wait you may not get them back in time. That is frustrating, my friend who is getting married next weekend had the same issue and had to call everyone to remind them. I felt so bad for her and most of the people at the wedding all just got married in the las 2 years so you think they would know!

Post # 15
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Unfortunately, this is pretty normal! People responding late, or not responding at all, is a common bridal woe!

Personally, I don’t appreciate being reminded of a due date in any way if I’m not technically late yet and I would be put off by a couple e-mailing me about it early and trying to play it off as "excitement to find out who will celebrate with us".  I’d smell what you’re stepping in so to speak, and would find it a little irritating. 

That said, you kinda have to take responsibility for the stress you’re under here because you’re the one who sets the deadline for RSVPs (just sayin, put it in perspective a bit).  If you’re going to e-mail people about it you should make the e-mail a request to kindly reply sooner if possible because you made a bit of an oversight (you’re only human after all!)

 

Post # 16
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010 - Stage 6 Steiner Studios

People generally wait to the last minute to do things – we’re all procrastinators! If you gave an RSVP date, wait until just before then to send out a reminder. Otherwise your guests might feel pressured or wonder why you gave them an RSVP date if you really wanted a response earlier. Good luck and don’t stress!

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