Is it rude to decline being in a sibling's wedding?

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My feelings would be hurt if my sister’s didn’t want to be involved with my wedding. One of my sisters declined being a bridesmaid, but she was basically our wedding planner and very much invollved in every way. If you don’t want to be a bridesmaid is there another way you could be involved? 


Post # 4
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Yes you’re being selfish. I see no reason to decline. 

Post # 5
42182 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

newbeelove:  I suggest you take the high road and accept. This isn’t about whether you like “wedding stuff”. This is about supporting your brother and his FI.

You can tell him that you are TTC  and because they haven’t set a date yet, if you are pregnant you will not be able to travel for pre-wedding events. If you are too close to delivery, or have just delivered, you may not make the wedding at all.

If you accept under those conditions, you will be supporting your brother and his FI, yet can totally focus on TTC and a potential pregnancy.

You can certainly ask that he keep the fact that you are TTC  confidential.

All you will have to do is get the dress.

Post # 6
6985 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would not decline for those reasons. i would make it clear to them that you won’t be able to afford to come to all the events though. It’s not worth the potential huge drama blow up IMO.

Post # 7
262 posts
Helper bee

wait and see if SHE even asks you.  then decline if you want to by saying the stuff about finacial burden and distance.  TTC can be a journey, i’m on it too, so it could interfere or it could not so leave that private, but being far away and hard to committ to something so special is harder.  

Post # 8
5800 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Explain to them both what you’re willing to help with, and what your concerns are, and let them decide if that fits their idea of bridesmaid. 

Post # 9
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

newbeelove:  I wouldn’t want someone who wasn’t enthusiastic about weddings to be in my wedding party, sister or not. Dont let anyone guilt you into being a bridesmaid. In my opinion when people are doing something because they feel they have to it never ends well. I’d rather you do it because you want to, which you don’t seem to want to. 

Post # 10
6194 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

Knowing how you feel about it, I wouldn’t want you in my wedding. I think you are being selfish, but that doesn’t mean you have to change your mind. 

ETA- if you usually act like this (aka not all that considerate toward them), they probably won’t take it personally. They’ll probably just attribute it to your normal behavior.

ETA#2- Sorry if that sounded harsh. I’m trying to be straightforward about this one, but just as there’s no real way to step lightly around the issue you’re facing, I don’t think there’s a real way to step lightly around talking about it.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  MeiFrancis.
Post # 12
6459 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m sorry. I’m not sure if you really have a good reason to decline besides the fact that you just don’t want to. It takes time to get pregnant, so it’s not definite that you’ll be near labor at that point. If you do end up being near the end of the pregnancy or with the kid already born at that point, maybe then you can back out. But at this point, be prepared for people to be disappointed. It sounds like there could be drama regardless of which way you go.

Post # 13
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Do I think you’re being selfish? Absolutely! However, my family is extremely important to me and we are very close. FI feels the exact same way and he is very close to his family as well so I would never even consider not being in my brother’s wedding. I think, if it’s important to your brother, then you need to do it. This is not about you “not being into wedding stuff” this is about supporting your brother. 

Yet if you want to keep not being close to your family, then decline. Sorry but “planning to TTC” is NOT a reasonable excuse and I’d be incredibly hurt if someone close to me said that. Plans can go awry. You might not even BE pregnant at that time. So I think you need to do it. Even if you only do it for your brother.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  TunaCat29.
Post # 14
1648 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2000

This isn’t about you and your disdain for wedding ‘stuff’, it’s about supporting your brother and his marriage.  You aren’t even pregnant yet so I would cross that bridge when you get there.  So, yea… you’re being selfish and not a great sister.

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