Post # 1
Here is the backstory. BF and I are traveling to North Carolina this weekend for his best friend’s wedding in which BF is a groomsman. We are leaving early Thursday morning at 3:00 am to drive to Wilmington. My aunt and uncle live in Wilmington so we are driving to spend the day with them. We are renting a hotel room for one night in Wilmington. Friday morning, we will get up and drive to Raleigh, where the wedding is held.
We will have to pay for a hotel room for Friday and Saturday night in Raleigh. Not to mention, BF still has to pay for his tux rental this Wednesday before we leave for NC.
Anyway, we had planned on getting the couple a gift before we left on Wednesday. However, this morning we were hit with some unexpected expenses so we cannot really afford a gift after all.
Honestly, traveling for this wedding is going to stretch us financially. We can do it but only if we’re careful with our money.
So my question is this. Is it rude if BF and I skimp on the gift to save money? I feel like since BF is paying for his own tux and we are paying for a hotel room for two nights in Raleigh, that we have done more than enough for their wedding. Since I am using up my PTO and BF has also taken time off work for this wedding plus all the wedding and travel related expenses we are about to incur, I feel like it’s okay to skimp on the gift.
But I’m not completely sure. What do y’all think? Am I wrong in this?
ETA: Of course we are bringing a card at the very least. My suggestion to BF was that we get a card for now and next month when our finances are back to normal, send them a gift then.
Post # 3
@LadyBlackheart: I think you’re fine. I personally don’t expect a gift from anyone, especially if they are renting a tux to be in my wedding or paying for a hotel.
Post # 4
Personally gifts are nice but not mandetory. When my brother got married I had to travel and did not have the money for it. A few weeks later I was able to get him a gift but there was nothing at the actual wedding. Anyone who expects a gift (in my opinion) is being greedy. Yes they’re nice and wonderful and all of that jazz but they’re not mandetory.
Post # 5
Could you afford just a small, little something? I would suggest at minimum get a card and just congratulate them. Were you at a shower where you would have already given a gift? If so, this could save you. If not, maybe you could save up after the wedding then a gift later with a sorry so late type note?
Post # 6
@LadyBlackheart: Gifts are certainly not a requirement, a nice card from both of you should suffice nicely.
Post # 7
Ettiquite-wise you are supposed to bring a gift. Personally, unless the bride or groom has said they don’t expect gifts from wedding party (which I told my girls that) I would show up with a gift.. You sort of accept the financial responsibilies when you agree to be in the wedding. It sucks having to pay for travel and attire, but thats just part of being in a wedding. Even though I told my BM and GM that I did not expect gifts from them, they still all gave us a gift.
Post # 8
I don’t think it’s necessary. I am sure they will understand which how much you are spending just to come and participate in the wedding. I would be sure to get a card and write a nice note inside. Then, it doesn’t look like you forgot.
Post # 9
Gifts are never REQUIRED. It is totally understandable that the wedding party has already invested a lot of money in the wedding. Take a beautiful card and wish them well.
If, at a later date, you find you can afford and want to send them somthing, you still have that option.
It is much kinder and more thoughtful, NOT, to bring gifts to the wedding at all, but rather to have them delivered , either before or after the wedding. Gifts brought to the recpetion are just another task for someone to deal with.
Post # 10
I think it’s rude to show up completely empty handed. A card, with a small amount of cash would suffice. And if $50 isn’t affordable, or even $20, then you should at least bring a card.
Post # 11
I think it’s impolite to not bring a wedding gift personally. You could always give a card for now, and indiacte that their gift is “on order” and they will be recieving it later.
Post # 12
I’ve always given a gift even though it was inconvenient. Even something small counts or a nice card.
ETA: To answer your question, yes, I do think it’s rude to not bring or send a gift.
Post # 13
Bring a card and write a heartfelt message. Perhaps make a promise for a great dinner when they come to visit you.
Or, you could send them a gift later. I know a lot of people buy and send gifts weeks to months after the wedding is over.
Post # 14
If it was me, I’d bring a card, and then inform them that I’d send them a gift after the wedding. You have allegedly a year to send them a gift.
That’s me though. I’d feel horribly rude not bringing a gift. You could not bring one though and I doubt you’d be put on a black list for it.
Post # 15
If you are worried, you could always buy them a gift later on. Something off the registry perhaps, or just send a nice check their way.
Otherwise, it’s really not required.
People ask me how much money I expect to get from our wedding and I say “zero dollars!” Because I don’t want to think only about getting gifts.
Post # 16
I think it’s fine to just bring a card. If later down the line circumstances change you could get them a gift then. We had quite a few gifts trickling in in the months after our wedding.