Post # 1
I’m clueless as to the etiquette regarding wedding gifts because I’ve always given cash. I’ll be honest (judge me if you must) we were hoping people would just give us cash, because we desperately need it for household expenses. We weren’t going to use it to pay for a honeymoon or anything luxurious, just rent. Now everyone is asking me where I’m registered, which I’m not. We already have everything we need, in new condition, so I have no use or room for additional items one would normally put on a registry. If I could register with the gas station or the cable company that would be great!
So I’m wondering, since everyone is inquiring about a registry, is that a hint they don’t want to give cash? And is it therefore rude that I don’t have one? If so, where can I register to get things I’ll need like toilet paper, detergent, paper towels, etc…
Post # 3
@Aquaria: It’s not rude to not have a registry. However, there definitly are people who do not like to give cash, so, by not having one, you may want to be prepared for some gifts that you may not necessarily welcome and cannot return (lots of picture frames, cake platters, serving dishes, bowls, etc.)
Given the types of things that you want and need, I’m thinking Target may be a good solution. You actually can register for Target gift cards through the Target registry, and you can obviousliy redeem those for all kinds of consumable, household products.
Post # 4
It’s not rude. I’ve asked people before, and if they aren’t registered I give cash.
Post # 5
I think most people expect a registry. I do agree that if you dont register your going to get alot of gifts you may have to return. I def suggest target, or even walmart, that way you may be able to register for things you actually NEED, as opposed to want. Or if the people who are asking are close enough to you and your comforable telling them you guys need cash, or Useful items like gas station gift cards, im sure they would be able to help. I know if a friend or family member told me that i would probally get them gift cards to a grocery store or target that way i know they have stuff they need to live!
Post # 6
Also, just make sure if your asking for cash/useful items your not going all out and having a huge over the top expensive weddding. dont go above your means!
Post # 7
@Aquaria: I don’t think it’s rude to not have a registry, but definitely be prepared to get gifts that people think you want, that you may not.
I have had a few friends set up an online registry with a few things, and then an option to give cash, and I think that always works out pretty well. I feel it’s a not so tacky way to ask for cash and have guests know that it’s not going toward honeymoon.
Also, register somewhere that you can put gift cards on the registry. Like if someone gets you a $100 gift card to walmart, maybe you can get gas or groceries with it!
Post # 8
I cant think of website off the top of my head right now, but i know it exists. If you get a gift card you cant use you can go to this website and they do gift card swaps with other people. Never used it, but i heard about it somewhere.
Post # 9
It’s not rude, but some people only give physical gifts, not cash. So if you don’t have a registry they’ll by you something random that they *think* you’ll like and you will be stuck with it! I’d recommend setting up a very small registry with like 20 things you could use (towels, a new toaster, shower curtains etc) Bed Bath & Beyond registry has a great return policy!
Post # 10
@Brielle: Thanks! Target is a great idea. I’ll have to get the word out about that. We’ve already received a pair of crystal candlesticks, which are beautiful and thoughtful, but will probably never come out of the box. He’s a minimalist and does not like to put anything on display just for decorative purposes (nor do we have the extra space for it). I hope we don’t get any more crystal or china or anything else that would be a waste of our guests’ money.
Post # 11
It’s not rude to not have a registry. In fact, I’ve read that there are people that think that registries are rude!
If you don’t want to register, then don’t. I don’t like the advice to register for a few things just to shut people up. If people ask, tell them you don’t have one b/c you don’t need those typical gifts, b/c you have what you need. They will get the idea…you may get random gifts or gift cards, you may get cash, or you may get nothing. I don’t know if you can register for toilet paper and the like, but I would be really weirded out if I saw that on a registry….like, why is this person having a wedding if they need me to stock their pantry?
Just tell your family what you would prefer, and let them help spread the word if they are asked.
Post # 12
@Jen51287: oh, absolutely not! It’s a casual reception (the only thing formal is the catered food) at the Elks Lodge. No flowers, DIY decor and favors, and my dress cost a whopping $35.
Post # 13
@Aquaria: I am one that didn’t have a registry. Many people asked if we had one, but most people got the hint that we didn’t have one for a reason. We had both lived on our own for quite some time, and I had a bridal shower to aquire all new kitchen items, so I didn’t need anything else. Plus 90% of my stuff was already in storage at my parents because I moved from a house to apt.
That being said, be prepared to get some backlash. Most people gave us money, some bought us gifts. And that totally ok. Some people called and asked if there was anything in particular we needed. Then there were the few that made a big stink and said we were being difficult. All in all, I would do it all over again though.
If you know there are some fun things you want, register at Target or Bed, Bath, and Beyond or something. You don’t have to put the normal dishes and stuff on your registry. My vote goes towards going without one though 🙂
Post # 14
I think this is also dependent on culture… From what I understand, in Chinese tradition, it’s customary for guests to give cash to the couple.
For my wedding I don’t plan on registering, but this is also because my fiance and I live together already and we have what we need. Plus, our apartment is small and we simply don’t have the space for more appliances/cutlery/china. We’d end up storing at his parents’ house anyway. I agree with other posts that couples should rely on their family to spread it through word of mouth that cash is preferred.
Post # 15
I don’t know if you were joking about registering where you can get toilet paper… but what about registering at Target? You could register for cleaning supplies, toilet paper, non perishable cooking items, etc… I think once people saw what was on your registry one of 4 things will happen:
THey’ll realize you need money and give that.
They’ll realize you need basic household items and gift that.
They’ll realize you need basic household items and give you a gift card.
They’ll not see anything they want to give and find something else.
But that way you’ll have an answer, removing feeling awkward if you do, and you have a 3 out of 4 chance of getting something you need.
Post # 16
@Americano: I think Target it shall be. I’m a very appreciative person and would never scoff at a gift but I’d rather receive nothing at all than something useless that will end up collecting dust in my parents’ basement.