Post # 1
Hello, everyone! My fiancé and I are getting married in May of 2014, and due to circumstances, we are really needing a place to live. We are planning on moving into an apartment, 10 months before the wedding. Everything we will be having in our apartment will be hand-me-downs. We got a free mattress, don’t have a bedframe or anything, it and the box spring are sitting on the floor. We are getting a couple of old couches from some family, and plan on using the dresser and night stand from my bedroom now. We really will have no other appliances, home décor, etc.
I’m sure we will accumulate some of these things as needed before the wedding, but basically everything will be second hand. So, my question is, is it rude to still ask for wedding gifts if we have lived together for nearly a year? We don’t really have money for towel sets, new silverware, etc. My parents want to just give us some because they say people will buy us new things at the wedding. But I’ve also heard it is inappropriate to receive gifts or have a shower if you already live together.
It’s not that everything in my home has to be new, but some nice matching towel, silverware, dishes…..that would be nice, ya know? So what do you all think? Thanks!
Post # 3
Is it rude? Don’t be silly. Of course it isn’t. Only a rude prude would look down on you for going through the same rituals and celebrations as any other couple getting married.
I live with my fiance, ew have for two years. I’m not havign a shower because my family is too spread out to get togetehr for that sort of thing. But if that weren’t the case, we’d be doing evvvvvverything any other couple feels entitled to.
XD Don’t look down on premarital cohabitation! That’s old school, yo!
Post # 4
Also- having a shower isn’t really your choice. Same thing for receiving gifts. If there’s a shower, it’s because someone else threw it for you- not your choice. Ppl bringing gifts is also their own choice. As long as you don’t list your registry in your wedding invites, you’ll be fine. I’ve been to showers and weddings for a bunch of ppl who lived together before the wedding and I gave gifts or $ because I wanted to.
Post # 5
Nope! What about couples where they each lived on their own? They would have two sets of their own stuff. It doesn’t mean it’s good stuff.
Post # 6
Personally I think that wedding showers are extremely tacky gift grabs and I won’t be having any. There is no reason to create a second event for the sole purpose of getting presents. People can give us gifts at our wedding.
Baby showers are different to me because they ARE the sole event.
Post # 7
As long as you aren’t planning/throwing the shower, it’s not rude!
Post # 8
@BEWLove: my FI and I have lived together for 2 years and while not expecting presents we do have a registry! We got together in college and most of our stuff is not going to make the move with us. It is so not rude for you to register and if someone wants to throw you a shower let them!!
Post # 9
@JLR1982: Someone else throws the shower, rarely is it something the couple has much involvement in. I had no say in it with my first marriage. I didn’t plan it, didn’t see the guest list, just showed up when I was told. It was thrown by the ladies in the church that I grew up in as a child. I don’t know if you know ladies like that, but not showing up would have been worse than… there are no words. I kept the registry modest, and really that was all I could do.
The point of the showers is to help out a new couple that is not expected to have much as they are starting a new life. Its part of a community thing, and I feel like we’ve moved away from that. Weddings are supposed to be the celebration of the couple and not a place to judge how much fool and alcohol was given to determine what gifts the couple would get.
OP if people want to give you gifts they will. Be gracious, send a thank you in a timely fashion, and enjoy taking this time to build your lives together.
Post # 10
@jilleeann: I will say “thanks, but no thanks” and expect them to respect my wishes.
Post # 11
I think that it’s part of the tradition of supplying the bride with things for the married life! I would just register for items that are practical. My sister bought new plates and pans and re-registered for more which was weird. Its an opportunity to get more than just basic stuff!
Post # 12
Um…no? My FI and I have lived together for almost three years.
Post # 13
It is never rude to receive a gift. It is only rude to ask for gifts.
Most people understand that many couples live together with all sorts of hand me downs and borrowed things, and a shower and/or wedding gift is a chance to update their home.
Post # 15
[comment moderated for trolling]
Post # 16
@BEWLove: I think if a couple have been living together for a while, a shower may be a little gift grabby. Showers are designed to help a couple get the things they need for their home for their new life together. Clearly a couple liiving together for years have already began a new life together so I think there is a forfeit there. They are entitled to a gift at the actual wedding though.
I’m sure that everyone won’t agree with this though especially as so many live witih their so’s.