Post # 1
I have noticed at bridal showers and weddings that many young mothers tote their babies along. And, the way they act, it is almost like they want their baby to be the star. They pass the baby around, show them off, people gather round and coo……..and in at least two cases, the bride was horrified. Now, one of my close friends did bring her baby to a wedding we went to, and the baby did not make a peep. At the reception, she just set his carrier on the ground and let him sleep. It was fine.
I only ask because I don’t know how to tell people politely, “Hey, don’t bring your kid” The thing is, the reception is not going to be “Adults Only” as there are some kids attending, in addition to the groom bearer and flower girl, who are both pretty well behaved. So, I can’t say “No kids” because that is technically not truthful.
Probably the closest girl that we really want at the wedding has a 2 year old boy, who she told me about chasing him around the church at a recent funeral. She is also expecting, and due only a month before our wedding. Her parents are also invited to the wedding. She does have other family in town that she could leave them with if need be. I plan to be very careful with the wording on the invites, but I also fully expect that she would completely ignore that and bring them anyway.
There are a couple of other girls who have had children in the past couple of years that would likely be the same way. I just don’t know how to say it, without seeming rude you know. I would hope the invitations would be clear enough, but like I said, I fear that we’d have to come out and point blank tell them so to not take a chance.
Post # 3
It’s absolutely rude to bring your child if you don’t ask (or even worse if you ask, are told no, and do it anyway). I had a couple babies at my bridal shower and one at the wedding. But in all cases the mothers asked me and I told them it was fine. We didn’t have children at our wedding but I will never tell someone that they can’t bring their breastfeeding infant with them. It’s impossible for mother and baby to be apart at that point. The baby at the wedding slept pretty much the whole time and NEVER made a peep. And as for the two at my shower, I was probably doting over them more than anyone else : )
I would just be very firm and let them know that children are NOT to attend. But in the case of your friend who will have a one month old I do think you should make an exception.
Post # 4
I have kids and I say yes, it’s rude to bring babies/children to a bridal shower. It’s not a baby shower and I don’t think it’s too much to ask to keep it adults only. Maybe an exception for a newborn who can’t be left with a sitter but no one else has an excuse.
Just find a way to say something along the lines of that you’re looking forward to a “girls only” party. You can be nice but still ban the kiddies. Some people might disregard but most should respect your wishes.
Post # 5
It’s rude. I would be very angry especially since I do not want any kids at my wedding. Babies cry and I wouldn’t want my ceremony interrupted by a crying baby.
Post # 6
I understand about the newborn. The only thing is babies are so unpredictable. Yes, he or she will probably be fine, or it may start screaming at the worst point. We are getting married in a HUGE cathedral, so there will be no sneaking out subtly.
My main concern is the 2 year old. He is a screamer. And does not like to sit still. And I cannot imagine saying, “Hey you can bring the baby but not the other” At the same time, I fear that between the baby and the toddler, it will be hard for her to keep up with both of them.
Ugh, rock and hard place major.
Post # 7
I kind of think infants under 6 months should be able to come, regardless of whether older children can, because they CAN’T run around and cause havoc (and because of the whole breast-feeding thing, which can be done in a bathroom.) That said, I’ve got 10-12 kids under 10 coming to my wedding, with 66-68 people total.
Post # 8
It is rude, and it will happen.
I’ve had people invite their children without asking (as in cross out the 2 and write in 4 on their RSVP cards) and my sister had people just show up with kids to her wedding. There’s nothing wrong with wanting an adult only reception at all, just be prepared for handling any of those situations. I tried my best to be polite about it. (“Unfortunately we don’t have space for any children, hopefully you can still attend. If you need help with arrangements we will do our best to help you out”)
Edit: I don’t mean to come off as insensive to mothers (my sister and MOH has a 6 month old!) I just think it’s rude in general to self invite anyone, regardless of age.
Post # 9
I’m just not really into kids at weddings. The last wedding I went to, a mom spend 3x more time dressing her daughter than she did herself. Weddings are about the bride and groom, not how cute a baby is!
Post # 10
Exactly! What I worry about with the invites, is that they may put like, “2” thinking they won’t eat or will eat off their plate or whatever, and really bring the kids anyway, so there will be no way of knowing ahead of time.
On top of the screaming and distraction concern, our reception space is VERY limited.
Post # 11
I can see yur concern about the two-year-old, but you absolutely must allow the newborn to come! They are still breastfeeding at that age, so there’s really nothing the mother can do about it, you just can’t have the mom away from her 1 month old all day.
Post # 12
just say it is an adult only party.. I would not think any different if the children in the bridal party were at the reception.. Actually when I was younger, my aunt (a long long time ago) had a wedding in a hotel.. and once we got the invite I started picking out a dress (yes…..i started early) and then my mom told me that children were not to attend.. well my little heart broke! Instead we got to stay at the hotel..order room service and movies on pay per view and had a grand ole time.. The children in the bridal party were at the reception (which we could see from our room btw) and I never thought anything of it, even as a child. Oh, and you should prob personally tell your friend you dont expect her to leave her 1 month old home.
Post # 13
I hate to sound awful……but when my sister was less than a month old, my mom dropped my sister and I off at my aunt and uncle so she and my dad could go to a football game.
I guess not being a parent, I just don’t get it?
Post # 14
Yes, it is extremely rude to bring your children to showers and weddings when they aren’t invited. If the invitation specifically lists the kiddos or the hosts okay it then thats fine but to bring your children just because you feel like it? Not okay in my book.
My FBIL/FSIL are due to have their baby 2 months before our wedding and the baby will not be invited. I’ve already made it perfectly clear that I do not want children at our wedding (thankfully both FI and my FMIL agree with me). Even if babies normally sleep all the time, theres still a good chance that he/she could start crying at any moment and I’m not willing to compromise the day that I’ve spent years planning and the money we’re forking over for video on a crying baby. Besides, I’d really like the day to be about FI and I, not how cute the baby is. Sounds selfish, I know, but thats how I feel.
You get one day and that day is all about you. Put your foot down and be clear about what you want.
Post # 15
I guess I’m in the minority, but I believe exceptions should be made under certain circumstances. A new born baby is very hard to seperate yourself from, breastfeeding or not. But that just my opinion.
Post # 16
I think it is rude for parents to bring their kids when asked not to, or by just assuming – if anything, for the newborn, pehaps someone can take the kid somewhere else for the duration of the ceremony only? (I think this is the main reason ppl don’t want kids at a wedding, with the fear of hearing a screaming baby during your vows.)