Post # 1
My fiance and I are recently engaged, but we talked about marriage when we were dating. Back then when it was abstract it was pretty easy to talk about what we wanted without having to think too much about the implications. We are both private people, and introverted. We decided that we wanted to go overseas and elope somewhere amazing, just the two of us.
Now that we are engaged and have announced it to people we are getting a lot of questions and even some push-back about the idea of eloping. My dad keeps hinting that he’ll pay for a wedding. My best friend says we’ll regret not having our closest friends and family there to share in our joy on our wedding. She is recently married and considered eloping but didn’t, and she said she made the right decision. And she wants to be there.
To be honest, it sounds selfish but I don’t believe we will regret eloping. Neither of us like being the center of attention, and we feel like the joy we have in our relationship comes from within. Another concern is that if we have a wedding, no matter where we have it a lot of our guests will have to travel (we are from different hometowns and live in a third city), and then it becomes a Big Deal having to plan a wedding and make sure guests are happy and entertained, etc.
We are just not feeling the wedding thing, but we don’t want to let people down either. What do you think, bees? Is it selfish to elope?
Post # 3
No, it is not selfish to elope.
I think only you know what works for you guys. I know that people will say you will regret not having the big dress or not having your 3rd cousin that you barely talk to there… but only you will know if that is true.
Go with your gut and do what will make you guys happy. The people that love and care for you will be happy knowing that you guys are happy.
Post # 4
I don’t think so. Your wedding is supposed to be for you two, not anyone else. Although it seems like it’s for others sometimes 😉
Do what makes you happy. The ones who matter will understand no matter what. And the ones who don’t probably wouldn’t stick around anyway after the big day…. looking back, although Darling Husband and I have good memories from the day, we would elope if we had to do it again. Less stress, less fuss, much more us 🙂
Post # 5
I don’t think it’s selfish. Definitely do with what makes you happy : )
Post # 6
@Over the Moon: It sounds to me like you should elope. It’s important to do what feels right for you and your Fiance and to honor that. I think you don’t really need to worry about friends and extended family, but, realize that it might be a bit disappointing for your parents or other immediate family. Hopefully they would be understanding, but they have probably dreamed about your wedding too, and sometimes it’s hard to let that dream go.
Could you do a compromise? Perhaps getting legally married or have a small ceremony at home with just your parents/siblings/grandparents? Or, elope to get married, but let your dad throw you a small celebration when you get back? I think there are ways to get what you and your Fiance want without shutting everyone else out.
Post # 7
I don’t think there is anything wrong with it, but I understand your parents wanting to be there. Would you consider a very small destination wedding? Like with just immediate family? Good luck with your decision.
Post # 8
@35thannidaughter: I agree, do a small destination wedding. 10 people or less. Will you be ok with that?
Post # 9
I don’t think you are being selfish at all! Do what is best for you and your fiance, it should be about what the both of you want. Also, to be completely honest, I had a big wedding, and looking back on it, I don’t regret it, but if I had the chance to do it all over again, I would elope….definitely less stress, less planning, a lot less money too!
Post # 10
Thanks all. I don’t think we would do a destination wedding. My fiance’s mother passed away a few years ago and his father cannot travel (and Fiance says he would probably not attend a wedding even if it were near where he lives, because of health issues). So it would be almost entirely my immediate family. If we were going to do that I would want to just do it in my hometown so no one would have to travel. But even that seems sad to me, to have a wedding that’s just my side?
Post # 11
Nope, it’s not selfish. I eloped. My own personal belief is, weddings are about the two people getting married.
Post # 12
@Over the Moon: Can you Skype his dad in so he can be there too? I’m sure it would be special to your Fiance.
Post # 14
Nah, not selfish. Just keep in mind that if you elope, you don’t really get another chance to get married. Vow renewals aren’t really the same. We nearly eloped about 3 months into our planning process, but I’m really glad we stuck it out and went through with everything. Both of our families are flung far and wide across the globe, and although it was a long way for a lot of our guests to come, it was probably the only time they’ll ever get to meet each other. However, if I could do it all again, I’d elope! If you both want to and are sure you won’t miss having the experience and memories of having done the big wedding thing, I’d do it!!
Post # 15
It depends on how you view marriage. Do you see it as a joining of families and an event that you want to declare your love in front of others to witness? Or do you see it as a joining of 2 people and you want to keep it a special moment between the 2 of you.
I see a lot of people that make their weddings about their guests and showing off and want to make it a day where they can be the center of attention. And I also see a lot of people that make stupid financial choices in the name of one day and debt is not something anyone she be getting into, especially in this economy. My friend’s parents offered her a downpayment on the house of her dreams or her dream wedding and she picked a wedding. I personally think that’s economically retarded, but it’s how you view weddings and really no one else can make the decision for you.
Post # 16
@KatyElle: are you kidding?? TWO people?! no way.. weddings are about glitz and glamour and spending money and party favors. *lots of eye rolling* LOL!
Eloping is not selfish, it is selfish of other people to be presumptious about the first day of YOUR marriage.