Post # 1
I was wondering if any one else out there that is waiting hasnt had a real marriage discussion with your SO. I have been with my SO for 4 years and while he told me once (when he was very drunk lol) that he knew he wanted to marry me, we havent had any real talk. I have tried to bring it up a few times and he is very not in touch with his emotions and hates to have the mushy talks it stresses him out and always puts it off and changes the subject. We both know it is assumed eventually, we know we want kids and all .. It is just wierd to me that we have never fully talked about it and all i read on here is that seems to be all couples talk about. However I do know he is making paymens on a ring…so I know its coming sometime soon!! 🙂 I accidently found that information out a few months ago… But is there any bees that didnt talk about it before getting engaged??
Post # 2
c4rr134nn: Dosen’t sound promising…if I were you I’d be moving on.
Post # 3
c4rr134nn: My husband and I had been together about five years when we got engaged and we had plenty of “the future” talks and knew it would happen. However, I never felt like I was “waiting” and we never discussed timelines or deadlines or anything like that.
It does seem like lots of people on here are much more involved in the whole engagement process (picking out the ring, deciding when the engagement will happen, joining the waiting list). I think plenty of people go about it a different way also.
As long as you have discussed major issues like finances, future living situations, kids, etc. then I think that is fine.
Post # 4
I’ve been with my SO for 6.5 years and it wasn’t until earlier this year that we had a real discussion about when we wanted to get married and that was only because we were saving for a house. Even then, it wasn’t this huge discussion. We decided together that we want to get married sometime next year. A couple of weeks later, he brought me ring shopping and now I’m just waiting for the proposal which I think will come next month when we are on vacation. Every now and then, we talk about what we want our wedding to be like, but I am comfortable just knowing that we both want the same thing. Personally, I don’t feel the need to talk about it constantly, because I honestly don’t even know what we would say. But, everyone is different. I know that some bees seem to be on different pages than their SO’s so that may be why it comes up more frequently with other couples. I just feel like if you are happy with the way things are going and you know it’s coming than there’s no need to talk about it all the time.
Post # 5
Haha Im not going anywhere he is my whole world.. I didnt mean for that to come off like i was questioning staying with him. We absolutely talk about our future together, finances, getting a house together next year (we already live together in his house), having kids in the future. It is only the precise marriage talk.. and I think he is just old fashioned in that since and just really wants the proposal to be a suprise and doesnt want me to know when it is coming. I just read on here couple picking out the ring together, having deadlines, having the wedding planned before being engaged. That is just not him.. he knows what ring I like just because he used to be a jeweler and we have discussed some of our friends engagment rings and which ones we like and dont like.
Post # 6
well every relationship is different so you should try hard not to compare yourself to others, as hard as it is! if you’re positive you’re getting a proposal soon and you know he’s making payments on a ring, congrats! even though you don’t specifically talk about marriage, you talk about the future and i think that does count.
Post # 7
I think you almost have to talk about it. How else can you be on the same page?
We talked about it beforehand. We knew we would get married. DH wouldn’t tell me when the proposal was coming. He’d tell me “Maybe in 50 years, we’ll get engaged.” he wanted the element of surprise as well. But we both knew marriage to each other was in the cards.
Post # 8
I’d be pissed if my FI sprung the idea of spending the rest of our lives together on me without previously discussing it.
The funny thing about relationships is that you can’t assume you’re both on the same page about marriage eventually happening because you haven’t actually had a discussion. Him drunkenly saying he wants to marry you doesn’t count, I’ve been drunk before and felt like I wanted to marry a cheese pizza.
The fact that expressing his feelings to you is considered mushy and stresses him out is a little alarming, couples who are in it for the long haul can typically have open and honest conversations with each other about their future without getting stressed out.
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta
c4rr134nn: All the waiting talk kind of ruined the surprise for me. I hope I had just kept my mouth shut so he wouldn’t blurt out “I ALREADY HAVE THE RING” during one of the many conversations about it. You have talked about the future, kids and stuff and he knows you want to get married. Just play it cool, you know he is working on it.
Post # 10
I was with my FI for 5 years before we started talking seriously about marriage and that was because of my own insecurities and fears about marriage (marriage doesn’t seem sacred in my family like I feel it should be) so I was afraid that I wasn’t marriage material and that I would fail as a wife because I didn’t know how to be married. I knew we loved each other and I knew I didn’t want anyone else but him.
However, I wanted us to start talking about marriage and we did about two years before we got engaged. We went through countless scenarios, we talked finances, family (his and mine) and we reaffirmed our choice not to have kids. We talked about a lot more, but I would never have felt comfortable getting engaged without really discussing the kind of marriage we wanted.
So yes, I think it’s strange you guys haven’t talked about marriage. You NEED to know you guys are on the same page.
Post # 11
I think you should ask him casually one night, don’t put to muh pressure on it or expect a black and white answer but perhaps just something to get his opinion on the matter. <br /><br />
Just some indication that your both on the same page.
Good Luck and remember everyones relationship is different 😉 xx
Post # 12
I completely know how you feel. My FI and I never really talked about marriage. We has an apartment together and had talked about the possibility of a house someday. We both have been on the same page as far as not wanting kids anytime soon if at all. Other than that we have just been enjoying our relationship. I never really felt like I was waiting for a proposal. I would have been fine just being his girlfriend forever or would marry him the next day if he had asked. He joined the military and his letters got more sentimental the longer we were apart. Still he had not mentioned getting married at all. When I finally saw him after graduation, he gave me a ringleas proposal out of nowhere! I didn’t mind not having the talk with him before hand. It made it much more of a surprise. Plus my FI and I have always seemed to be on the same page with how our relationship is going without having to discuss it. I have always had to have some sort of discussion with any other person, but not my FI. It’s great!
Post # 13
For me, I’m super concrete and need words and discussions about things. (Definitely I’m kind of… special… about that.) From your first post, it could have gone a couple of different ways, but once you clarified, it became much clearer that you are in fact touching base with each other about all the important stuff, just not the proposal itself. Which seems totally cool to me!
One of the things I love about the Bee is that it has opened my mind about the many, many different ways people approach these things. Some guys are TOP SECRET PROPOSAL NINJAS and some ladies love that. Some folks are like, we are going to be totally clear about everything every step of the way, this is a surprise free zone. There are couples who date for 10 years before getting engaged(and it’s a huge surprise!) and then there’s Meatloaf, who married his wife within a month of meeting her. It’s a big world and it takes a lot of different types to keep it going.
Congratulations on your happiness- I can’t wait to see the ring!
Post # 14
I think that I kind of like it being a suprise. I am sure if I didnt know he already had a ring I may feel differently about still not having discussed it, but finding that out has eased my needing to have the conversation… now i am perfectly content waiting untill the proposal to start talking about it. It is just the waititng part haha.
I know that we are on the same page with everything about marriage, I dont really have any concerns with the marriage itselft. We already talk about everything that is important within a marriage.. Its the wedding itself and the timeline of when these events will occur. I know everyone is different in their relationships. Just alittle curious to see if anyone else is approching this in the same way. Which I am also seeing there are different levels of how much was discussd beforehand.
I appreciate everyones comments! The ring will be up as soon as it happens!!
Post # 15
We never talked about it. It came up once in our very early infant dating phase. It was more along the lines of, “Do you want to get married one day?” (Not necessarily to each other, just if it was on our lifetime agenda) and that was it.<br /><br />He proposed eight months later.