a civil service and a wedding? help!
more by KissingLillith
platinum vs white gold?
Need a good professional event/wedding sofeware program
more in Beehive
wedding card?
Wedding Colors
more in Boards
Calla Lilies

Is it tacky to...

posted 4 years ago in Beehive
  •  
    1.
    Member Icon
    Member
    41 posts
    Newbee
    KissingLillith    July 13th, 2008   San Diego (Carlsbad)

    i'm having a wedding out in tn where my fiances family is from which is what we both wanted, but because it's so far away (i'm from california) hardly anyone in my family is coming (which is FINE with me because we wanted a real small intimate wedding).

     

    however, my parents decided to throw  us another wedding reception after we got back from our honeymoon for all the rest of my family. it's a real casual outside luau in my parents back yard so everything is real low key as far as attire and such.

     

    the question now is this, for our invitations to the luau, would it be horribly tacky (keep in mind, the invitations aren't real fancy, and it's not so much a reception as it is a barbeque), to put where we're registered on the back of the invite?

     

    let me know!!! because i am baffled! i'm obviously not doing it on our wedding invitations, but for the barbeque wouldn't it be alright? i dunno... how else is everyone supposed to know where we're registered because my mom is inviting like, hundreds of people, (which is a big step up from our 40 people wedding haha).

     

    thank you!!! 

     
    2.
    Member Icon
    Member
    384 posts
    Helper bee
    Anti-Zilla    Civil: 11-4-08 / Church: 8-8-09   Civil: Hawai'i / Church: Long Beach, CA

    you know the old saying "if you gotta ask if it's tacky..."

    not to be rude, but i would be put off if i didnt receive an invite to the TN wedding then all of a sudden rec'd a casual notice for a BBQ and it included registry info.. that would say to me "we assumed you wouldnt make the trip to TN, but here's our registry so you can buy us something"

    my cousin and his wife got married in turks & caicos and did the same thing -came back and had a huge party - no mention, not even a hint of registry was in their "casual" invitation. turns out after i called my aunt they didnt register anywhere they just wnated to include family who didnt go to turks for their wedding...

    so in my own very humble tiny opinion, yes i think it is tacky

    conversely, i do like it when my friends or family include the little registry card in the packet along with the invite, and on their wedd-site, but not on the invite itself...altho that's only happend 2 times for weddings.. i find it more common for baby showers...

    why dont you print your wedd-site address at the bottom of your casual invite, something like "For More Detailed Information, Please Visit our Wedd-site at ww.brideandgroom.com"  and then on your wedd-site have a place for registry info?? there are several free wedd-sites avaialble if you already dont have one weddingannouncer.com; mywedding.com; theknot.com, etc...

    good luck!

     
    3.
    Member
    262 posts
    Helper bee
    staceyb    may 10, 2008   los angeles

    i don't know if i'd put it on the invitation... but i'd definitely put your website, and have registry info on the website.

    my parents are doing the same thing - we're having a small reception after the ceremony in our college town, but our college town is within driving distance of his hometown (45 mins). then a month or so later my parents are throwing us another reception up where i'm from, which is 6+ hours from our college town.

     
    4.
    Member Icon
    Member
    352 posts
    Helper bee
    BaghdadBride    May 25, 2008   Virginia

    Registery information on the invite isn't related to how casual or fancy the wedding/reception is...you could have a reception at McDonalds and etiquette wise it's still considered rude to put registery info. on an invite.  People who want to know will ask, or you could do the website option. 

     
    5.
    Member Icon
    Member
    186 posts
    Blushing bee
    IndianBride    12/28/08  

    Ok, so question related to this- I've seen registry cards along with invitations- Is that not the etiquette? How do you let people know that you are registered otherwise? Only on the website? I'm also doig a reception after wedding abroad and we were thinking of registering.

     
    6.
    Member Icon
    Member
    384 posts
    Helper bee
    Anti-Zilla    Civil: 11-4-08 / Church: 8-8-09   Civil: Hawai'i / Church: Long Beach, CA

    i think in the olden days -- ok like the 50s, 60s, 70s, it was all done word of mouth - but remember weddings werent as "event-ish" an they are now...

    i've rec'd registry info in bridal shower invites

    if you're not having a bridal shower, then word of mouth or wedd-site

    as a guest i dont really "care" that much if it's included in the invite packet, along with the directions, accomodations info, weather, etc  - just not on the invitation itself...  it's really helpful in cases where i dont really know the bride's  or groom's parents (work friends) or if i dont haev time to call members of the BP or an aunt or something to see where they are registered...

    as a bride-to-be, we're not including any registry info in our invites, just on our wedd-site.  we dont really want any gifts, we just want our friends and fam to join us...

     
    7.
    Member
    363 posts
    Helper bee
    EK    October 12, 2008   Seattle, WA

    Definitely don't put the information on the invitation.  I think a website/word of mouth is sufficient.  If I'm not sure where someone is registered, I usually just check some of the likely places online (target, BBB, macys, crate and barrel, etc...) and can find at least one registry for them within about 5 minutes.

     
    8.
    Member Icon
    Member
    101 posts
    Blushing bee
    OnlySupernova    June 2008   Lexington, Kentucky

    Why not set up a website if you don't already have one to display pics from the wedding and some personalized information for your barbeque guests to make them feel like this event is your chance to celebrate with them. Then include the registry information.

    Makes them feel special, keeps your wedding what you want it to be, and still leaves the door open to presents. 

     
    9.
    Member Icon
    Member
    41 posts
    Newbee
    KissingLillith    July 13th, 2008   San Diego (Carlsbad)

    all this would be grand if any of the people coming used internet.

     
    10.
    Member Icon
    Member
    42 posts
    Newbee
    missminij    June 28, 2008   United States

    I personally do think it's tacky to include registry information on the actual invitations.

    If this is like a shower, though, you could include a separate card with the information on it since you say that people can't use the internet.

    But people do generally know where to go for this type of information: your bridal party and your parents.

     

     
    11.
    Member Icon
    Member
    53 posts
    Worker bee
    champagnebride    aug 2008   Canada

    It's fine to include registry info for showers because the point is to 'shower' the couple with gifts. To include it with the invite either on the invite or with little inserts (IMO) is implying that there is a price of admission! Etiquette-wise, no one has give a gift at a wedding (as opposed to a shower). Stores give out little inserts when you register because of course they want your guests to spend their money in their store but that doesn't mean you should do it. People who wouldn't look on your website, or check at the stores, or ask your family where your registered are probably the kind of people who don't like buying gifts off registries and wouldn't even if you included the inserts

     
    12.
    Member Icon
    Member
    41 posts
    Newbee
    kangaroo    15 November 2008   Canberra, Australia

    If people would RSVP to your mum I'd just give her the info and then if people are unsure of what to give you they can either ask at the time they RSVP or call back later and ask.

    I find registries weird in the first place though so take this with a grain of salt. The closest I've ever come was writing a letter to santa :P

     
    13.
    Member Icon
    Member
    129 posts
    Blushing bee
    maple      

    The only wedding event registry information should be included with is the shower - the intent of a shower is to 'shower' the bride with gifts, so it's ok to mention/hint that they should bring gifts.

     

    It's NOT ok to include registry info to any sort of reception invitation, regardless if it's the day of the wedding or not. It's implying that you want your guests to come because they'll bring you gifts, not that you want to celebrate with them - even if that's not your intention.

     

    The proper way to distribute registry information is via a wedd-site or word of mouth. If your guests don't have internet access, they'll ask where you are registered. Tell your mom/FMIL/bridesmaids - and the word will get out.

     

    I'll say it again: Formality of the event doesn't dictate whether or not registry info is acceptable in a wedding invitation, or whether or not the ceremony has already occured. It's never ok!

    Attachments

    1. Is it tacky to... :  wedding tacky registry invitations reception Img Wedding_Dress_FINAL2.JPG (143 KB, 57 downloads) 3 years old
     
    14.
    Member
    287 posts
    Helper bee
    pancy    06/13/09   orange county/los angeles

    i guess i am the voice of opposition because i have received registry info with my invites so many times and i find that to be more convenient for me. I feel like it is a big "posing" thing that etiquette rules dictate, "you can register for gifts you want to receive, but don't let people know where you did it because you don't want to seem like you want them to buy the gifts you hand picked and put nicely together on a list that equals a REGISTRY..." what? seriously, does that not seem a little "poser" to anyone else other than me

    That being said, I am not putting my registry info on my invites because i know i am the voice of the minority and don't want people talking trash. haha! and just to add, i once went to a wedding where the couple straight up put it on their invite, "the couple (referring to themselves in third person) has not created a gift registry because they prefer gifts of cash" now THAT was rude!

     
    15.
    Member Icon
    Member
    50 posts
    Worker bee
    cs      

    Pancy:

     I can see where you are coming from, but think of it this way. Would you print out the list of presents you want and put it in the invitation? Essentially that it what etiquette says you are doing if you put registry info in the invite. Just having a registry can be more compared to your parents having a list of things they know you need, so when people used to call, they would say "oh, she really needs a new set of pots" like in the time of old. :)

    On a practical note, depending on your parent's circle of friends,  the ones that don't want the bother of asking about registry info may just give you cash. That's what happened at my engagement party. So sometimes there are advantages to polite behavior.

     

     

     
    16.
    Member Icon
    Member
    1,490 posts
    Bumble bee
    Sweeney2Be    Aug 23, 2008   Twin Cities Minnesota

    I don't think so. I think that this etiquette thing is getting old and out of date and each wedding has a different feel, and a different set of people coming. If you don't think your guests will be offended (I've never met an ivite with a registry listed on it that made me angry and think "What is this world coming to?") then I think you're safe. 

     
    17.
    Bee Icon
    Bee
    467 posts
    Helper bee
    shortcake    October 4, 2008   Vancouver, CANADA

    Distribute that information by word of mouth. No guest is ever obligated to give you a gift, so that's why putting registry information on a wedding ceremony/reception invite is a huge no-no.  Especially in this case, where it might be interpreted as your luau guests being B list guests... ie "What? we weren't good enought to be invited to the wedding, but we're good enough to give her gifts?'

     You can do it, but be prepared for some offended and hurt feelings! Is it tacky to... :  wedding tacky registry invitations reception Icon Sad

    Attachments

    1. Is it tacky to... :  wedding tacky registry invitations reception Img yhst-20027439109610_2049_33106351.gif (65.6 KB, 69 downloads) 3 years old
    2. Is it tacky to... :  wedding tacky registry invitations reception Img !BPrsFb!B2k~$(KGrHgoH-DsEjlLl)w!eBJ04.jpeg (6 KB, 36 downloads) 3 years old
     
    18.
    Member
    151 posts
    Blushing bee
    southernbella    07/18/2009   Charlotte, NC

    please don't. I'd purposely NOT give a gift if that was the case.

     
    19.
    Member Icon
    Member
    53 posts
    Worker bee
    champagnebride    aug 2008   Canada

    pancy- I don't see how writing "the couple has no registry because they prefer cash" is any different from writing where you're registered on the invite or including inserts. I agree that it implies you want them to come so they'll bring presents rather then to share your day. It's great to hear that some brides that have posted aren't at all offended when they receive invites like that (I guess I'm judgemental because I sure am- I think its tacky)But I think most people who are older then us would feel its not the tasteful thing to do. Especially because its not even the wedding reception.  Maybe someday the practice will be acceptable like registries themselves and putting it on the website but I dont' think we're there yet. I know trying to avoid being tacky is a minefield akin to trying to make up the guest list becaue a budget is a budget but IMO this is one area where it's really easy to  chose a path that won't offend anyone.

     
    20.
    Member Icon
    Member
    123 posts
    Blushing bee
    psu01    6/23/07   Atlanta, GA

    my vote is for not listing the registry also. i agree with the other posts regarding only including registries for showers- leave it to your website or to your mom to spread the word. 

     
    21.
    Member Icon
    Member
    8 posts
    Newbee
    MrsH    8/4/07   San Francisco

    Weddingchannel.com provides cards with registry info to insert with your invitations so I thought it was appropriate. I included these cards because Wedding Channel was making a donation to a charity of our choice with every gift purchased. Well, after reading all these comments, I feel like I've committed something horrible (my wedding was 6 months ago). Personally, I'm happy when registry information is included in the invitation. It saves me a lot of trouble plus sometimes people you are connected to do have registry information. A lot of times you don't know the bridesmaids or the parents to ask. 

     
    22.
    Hostess
    2,683 posts
    Sugar bee
    suzanno    7/12/08   Richland, WA

    I have been going back and forth on this issue too.  I agree that everybody registers at the same places (BB&B, Target, Macys) so you can usually stumble on a registry if you try.  I also have a lot of older guests, who are not internet savvy except perhaps for email, and some of them not even that.  I know for a fact that a number of them (shock and horror) don't even have computers - they go to the library or a son or daughter's house when they really feel the need to use one.

    I also am (weirdly, I guess) not offended by the inclusion of a separate registry card in the invitation, although I understand the reasoning behind the idea that it might be considered tacky...

    However, after reading a lot of these discussions, I'll tell you what I'm going to do - I'm going to ask my mom.  Because she will be taking the RSVPs.  And because I am actually tired of reading "They'll just call your mom and ask where you're registered."  What if your mom doesn't really want to spend her time discussing your registry with guests?  Or maybe she does.  I actually don't know whether my mom does or not - so if all those phone calls are fine with her, then I won't include the card.  If she doesn't care to be bothered, then I suppose I will.  After all, she is a busy woman.

     

    Reply

    You must log in to post.





    Visit our sister sites eHarmony
    Online Dating
    eHarmony Advice
    Dating Advice
    Project Wedding
    Wedding Songs
    JustMommies
    Pregnancy Calendar
    Copyright 2004-2012, Weddingbee.com
     

    Find your vendors on Weddingbee

    Real reviews from brides in your area!

    Favors by Weddingbee

    • Favors by season

    Shop Now ยป

    Find Registry Find Registry Find Registry

    More
    User Posts Today
    Lyndzo 46
    Brielle 28
    funkymunky85 26
    beargoose 24
    AshleyR83 24
    rebwana 24
    mypinkshoes 23
    his chippymunk 23
    Ms. Salamander 23
    kat2014 22

    Beehive

    User Posts Today
    funkymunky85 14
    Brielle 8
    ShutterbugCait 7
    mypinkshoes 6
    Lyndzo 6
    worden2be 6
    HisIrishPrincess 5
    Jenlon 5
    Robin_Sparkles 5
    rebwana 5
    More