Is it tacky to have a pay-your own dinner after lunch wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Food
  • poll: Should we invite people to a pay-your-own-way dinner after our lunchtime wedding?
    If you can't afford to pay for it, don't plan any kind of dinner : (83 votes)
    62 %
    Have dinner with your wedding party and family, and have them pay for themselves : (13 votes)
    10 %
    Plan an optional dinner for all your guests, and make clear that it's pay-your-own : (34 votes)
    25 %
    other : (4 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1817 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I would not plan anything wedding related that I couldn’t pay for.

    I had a brunch wedding/ reception that ended around 4, and my husband and I went straight to the hotel and had dinner together. It was nice to get away from everyone and enjoy finally being married.

    I think my parents had a little after party at their house for guests who wanted to keep the party going, but we didn’t attend.

    Post # 4
    Member
    3112 posts
    Sugar bee

    @batbrain:  That’s a tough one.  You obviously want to hang out with guests that have gathered just for your big day.  You already fed them one meal that day, so I don’t think you’re under and obgligation for a second paid meal.  I would advertise the place you’re eating to everyone, and let them choose whether to go or not.

    Post # 5
    Member
    444 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I would suggest you tell people youre going to “x” restaurant later on in the evening to grab a bite to eat and some drinks and if they’d like to join you’d love to have them come! I would try to angle it as impromptu as possible and make it not seem like a wedding event…if you make it like you are putting together the dinner as an event people will probably think its part of the whole wedding still and you’re paying.

    Post # 6
    Member
    480 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    As long as people know in advance and you are funding one meal, then I see no reason not to invite them, making it clear that sadly you can’t afford to fund the evening meal as well.

    I think people on here worry to much about what you should and shouldn’t do.  You know your friends, you know how they’re likely to react and if you want more time to see them in the evenings, then there should be no problem with inviting them.

    We’re inviting ourclose friends who live a long way from us to join us for lunch the day after the wedding so we get more time to see them.  We are not funding any of this, we have just told them where we will be and when and made it clear that there is no obligation to come but we would love it if they did.

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    2851 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Just because you can’t afford a reception/ dinner for all guests does NOT mean that you can’t have one. I would gladly pay for my own meal. All of this etiquette BS is sometimes just too much. If they find it rude or disrespectful… whatever, they don’t have to come. But for people who really care for you guys and want to be there to celebrate, paying for my own meal is well worth it.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1302 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I think it depends how you go about it. If I were a guest at your wedding, and you had the ceremony and a reception and then said to me (word of mouth) that a bunch of you were going to Such-and-such Restaurant for dinner, I would gladly go and have no problem paying for my own dinner. As long as you keep it casual, I think it is fine.

    Post # 9
    Member
    6964 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @batbrain:  I don’t see a single thing wrong with saying you’re going to eat at a particular place if anyone wants to meet up. I mean, I wouldn’t put it on the invitation, but maybe just word of mouth or possibly the website. 

    I just went to a very small early morning wedding. The “reception” was lunch paid for by the bride and groom. Obviously we were all still in town & planning to eat dinner, so the bride told us where they planned to go. The plan was always for us to pay our own way and I was perfectly fine with it. I mean, I was there to hang out with them and the “wedding” was over. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    11379 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @batbrain:  is there any way that a family member can host something later that night?  maybe a few cocktails and snacks. 

    the 2 of you can go for an intimate dinner together and then join everyone later in the evening for casual mingling.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2454 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    A friend of mine eloped and then had us meet her at a low key diner for hotdogs and chocolate cake. Everyone knew because of the location that we would pay for ourselves. The invites simply said, “We’re stopping at Portillos on the way home! Join us if you can!” 

    Post # 12
    Member
    1093 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @Artificial-Sweetener:  But she is having a reception. It’s just at lunchtime instead of the usual dinner hour.

    @Sea_Ashley:  +1.

    It’s all in how you word it, but I think you two should just have an intimate dinner

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    2555 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    It could be a bit awkward. I say you and your new husband should spend dinner aone together, lieseruely, no pressure, just the two of you. 🙂 Sounds simple and sweet to me

    Post # 14
    Member
    2555 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @ohmybears48:  OMG! Portillos! *drooling*

    Post # 15
    Member
    768 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    OP: If I’m understanding this correctly, you are having a lunch wedding with a reception that will end around dinner time, you would be providing lunch, and now you’re asking if you need to provide dinner? Is that right?

    If so: I think if you’re having a lunch wedding, you’re providing lunch – the end. If people would like to spend time with you AFTER the wedding, and you would like them to join you, then I don’t see any reason why they can’t pay for their own meals. While my mother had a catered brunch the next morning after her wedding, I don’t think that it would’ve been in poor taste at all had she arranged a space for brunch and people purchased their own brunch.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1872 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Call it an afterparty.

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