Is it that unreasonable?!?!

posted 3 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 3
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@weddinglol22:  I would think it’s pretty standard for a guest to have to pay for accomodation at any wedding that’s not in their city/town — and $150 seems very reasonable, especially if you are covering the cost of the flight.

Post # 4
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

our family and us are going to a destination wedding in january. we’re each paying for our flights and hotel. i think that it’s perfectly acceptable to do what you’re suggesting.

i would be more shocked if someone else was paying for it.

Post # 5
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

@weddinglol22:  I think most people expect to pay for their accomodations at a DW, but you need to give people an option rather than asking for them to chip in. Tell them they can stay at the lodge for the $150 or find nearby hotels for them and give them price ranges. Be forewarned–not everyone can afford to come to a destination wedding, so you may be banking on money from people who won’t be coming. 

Post # 8
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

OK – I don’t want to be a wet blanket here, but what if these people would rather stay in a hotel so they have private room, privacy, private bathroom?  I ask, because that is 210% me.  There isn’t a thing in my soul that would have the slightest desire to stay in a 22 person villa.  Not a thing.  I’m really not that much of an old hag that I think I am unique in this.  I would think many would feel that way.  I am very close to one of my sister’s but we would have no desire to stay in a place like this if we were going on vacation.  What if only 7 or 8 people want to stay there?

You can’t mandate your guests to stay there.  And what if a few of them have to cancel as the wedding gets closer?

In all honesty, this is way way way out of your budget and I really encourage you to look elsewhere.  This has financial nightmare written all over it. I think you should consider your FSIL’s reaction as one that could be common.

And to be clear – it isn’t that I would be annoyed at all to have to pay for my accomodations at a DW, it is that I would be stuck in a villa with 22 people.  People should expect to pay for their accomodations, but it should be something of their own choosing. 

Post # 9
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Considering many guests at a normal wedding would pay that much for a hotel overnight, I don’t think it’s rude. However, what happens if not all 22 of your guests want to come? Then you don’t get that extra $150 per person you’re relying on in your budget. Who’s going to pay the extra to meet the villa bill – will you pay it, or will the cost for those guests who do attend increase? Just something to consider. (And I do think it would be rude to ask for extra money later!)

Post # 10
Member
1028 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@weddinglol22:  We are having a DW and people are paying for their own portion to stay in a 2 story penthouse that overlooks the city and looks onto the beach – our version of perfection. We got a really good discount on the penthouse and flight so we made this as cost effective as possible. We kept our guest list VERY limited and out of 25 invitations we have 18 people attending (including outourselves). Almost everyone going knows one another and/or is family so us staying together is expected. We even rent a house on the lake once a year to get together (12+ people) so again this is to be expected. Not sure how close your group attending is but for us this is the norm.

I digress, to answer your question, NO I dont think its unreasonable to ask for people to pay for their own accommodations. As a matter of fact I think its pretty standard. If you are taking care of many other things as well as making sure the wedding day/night is fantastic, what more could/should they expect?

Post # 12
Member
439 posts
Helper bee

@weddinglol22:  I’ve never heard of a bride and groom paying for the guests accommodations or flights. unless they’re filthy rich I would assmue I’m paying. Are you talking $150 per night or total? If it’s total then that’s dirt cheap and I’d have no problem paying that. 

Post # 13
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

@weddinglol22:  did you already told everyone that you will cover their flight?

It might be more acceptable for them if you said that you will cover the living expenses and “all” they have to do is get there.

For me, if I accept a DW invitation then I’m already prepare to pay for all flights and accommodation myself and if the accommodation is for free then it’s only a big plus.

if you offer free flight but pay for accommodation then I guess you will have some arguments about the price if the accommodation.

Post # 15
Member
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I, too, considered a villa at one point. But I have to agree w/

@Whitelight:  

@hermom:  

@MrsYokiman:  

Not everyone is going to want to stay in a villa with a bunch of people they aren’t that close to (maybe even don’t know). And, they’ll probably find it more acceptable to pay for their own flights, that they find on their own, rather than a room in a villa – because then people start complaining about one room being better than the other and blah blah, everyone paid the same, etc. Not all the rooms are going to be master suites, bottom line. And, while I don’t think you “have” to give people a choice, if you’re going to charge them for accomodations, you probably do. But if you charge them for the flight, then no. They can choose not to come if they don’t want to stay in the villa. Just understand that not everyone is going to be psyched about the idea. I didn’t want to do it bc I didn’t think it would be fair for both sides of the family to be forced into one house together like that or for my friends to be subjected to staying with my family or FI’s family that they don’t even know. Plus, I didn’t know how to split who would pay for what room – some rooms are going to be better and I wasn’t covering the cost of everything.

For those reasons, I switched the idea to an All Inclusive resort instead. But, if you want to do it this way, why don’t you offer people $200 TOWARDS their flight – that will likely be cheaper and give you room in your budget to cover the entire villa without them pitching in and they’ll feel like you’re really doing a lot for them.

Post # 16
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

@futuremrsk18:  Excellent advice on chipping in towards the flight and having people take care of their own accomodations.  Excellent advice that saves the couple a LOT of money.

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