Post # 1
Me and FI are having a small destination wedding and rather than go through the hassle of organising it through a wedding planner we decided to just rent out a villa that could accommodate all the guests and plan it ourselves. And we have found the perfect Villa but to rent it for the week is nearly $20,000 which isn’t exactly pocket change, we havn’t booked anything yet but it has everything we want. The only issue is the price my parents have offered $5000 towards the wedding but it is still a lot I was wondering if it was unreasonable to ask all our guests (there will be 22 guests if we book this villa) to make a $150 contribution to the accommodation cost (also bearing in mind we are paying for there flights) I am worried it might put people of though I emailed my FSIL the pictures after she rang earlier looking for FI and when I subtly ran the idea past her she seemed really took back by it, was this just her or would you be annoyed if you had to pay for your accomadtion at a DW.
Post # 3
@weddinglol22: I would think it’s pretty standard for a guest to have to pay for accomodation at any wedding that’s not in their city/town — and $150 seems very reasonable, especially if you are covering the cost of the flight.
Post # 4
our family and us are going to a destination wedding in january. we’re each paying for our flights and hotel. i think that it’s perfectly acceptable to do what you’re suggesting.
i would be more shocked if someone else was paying for it.
Post # 5
@weddinglol22: I think most people expect to pay for their accomodations at a DW, but you need to give people an option rather than asking for them to chip in. Tell them they can stay at the lodge for the $150 or find nearby hotels for them and give them price ranges. Be forewarned–not everyone can afford to come to a destination wedding, so you may be banking on money from people who won’t be coming.
Post # 6
Yea I wouldn’t mind so much if it was my family or friends because they are having to pay for flights from Manchester to New York which isn’t cheap and they have all willingly paid to come over despite none of them being exactly rich.
Post # 7
Plus the only reason they aren’t paying for the hole thing is because his mother made a massive point about us having a DW!!!!!!
Post # 8
OK – I don’t want to be a wet blanket here, but what if these people would rather stay in a hotel so they have private room, privacy, private bathroom? I ask, because that is 210% me. There isn’t a thing in my soul that would have the slightest desire to stay in a 22 person villa. Not a thing. I’m really not that much of an old hag that I think I am unique in this. I would think many would feel that way. I am very close to one of my sister’s but we would have no desire to stay in a place like this if we were going on vacation. What if only 7 or 8 people want to stay there?
You can’t mandate your guests to stay there. And what if a few of them have to cancel as the wedding gets closer?
In all honesty, this is way way way out of your budget and I really encourage you to look elsewhere. This has financial nightmare written all over it. I think you should consider your FSIL’s reaction as one that could be common.
And to be clear – it isn’t that I would be annoyed at all to have to pay for my accomodations at a DW, it is that I would be stuck in a villa with 22 people. People should expect to pay for their accomodations, but it should be something of their own choosing.
Post # 9
Considering many guests at a normal wedding would pay that much for a hotel overnight, I don’t think it’s rude. However, what happens if not all 22 of your guests want to come? Then you don’t get that extra $150 per person you’re relying on in your budget. Who’s going to pay the extra to meet the villa bill – will you pay it, or will the cost for those guests who do attend increase? Just something to consider. (And I do think it would be rude to ask for extra money later!)
Post # 10
@weddinglol22: We are having a DW and people are paying for their own portion to stay in a 2 story penthouse that overlooks the city and looks onto the beach – our version of perfection. We got a really good discount on the penthouse and flight so we made this as cost effective as possible. We kept our guest list VERY limited and out of 25 invitations we have 18 people attending (including outourselves). Almost everyone going knows one another and/or is family so us staying together is expected. We even rent a house on the lake once a year to get together (12+ people) so again this is to be expected. Not sure how close your group attending is but for us this is the norm.
I digress, to answer your question, NO I dont think its unreasonable to ask for people to pay for their own accommodations. As a matter of fact I think its pretty standard. If you are taking care of many other things as well as making sure the wedding day/night is fantastic, what more could/should they expect?
Post # 11
I’m not saying people have to stay here but in answer to your I would like privacy thing the place isn’t one big place it is split up into 10 different apartments and most of the people coming will be in couples and/or families. The most that fit in one block is 4. Also no one will be forced to stay with us they are very welcome to find there own hotel. And obviously if we will be finding out how many people are staying with us before booking somewhere to stay if only half the guests wish to stay with us then we will find somewhere smaller.
Post # 12
@weddinglol22: I’ve never heard of a bride and groom paying for the guests accommodations or flights. unless they’re filthy rich I would assmue I’m paying. Are you talking $150 per night or total? If it’s total then that’s dirt cheap and I’d have no problem paying that.
Post # 13
@weddinglol22: did you already told everyone that you will cover their flight?
It might be more acceptable for them if you said that you will cover the living expenses and “all” they have to do is get there.
For me, if I accept a DW invitation then I’m already prepare to pay for all flights and accommodation myself and if the accommodation is for free then it’s only a big plus.
if you offer free flight but pay for accommodation then I guess you will have some arguments about the price if the accommodation.
Post # 14
@Whitelight: I had the same thought.
Post # 15
I, too, considered a villa at one point. But I have to agree w/
Not everyone is going to want to stay in a villa with a bunch of people they aren’t that close to (maybe even don’t know). And, they’ll probably find it more acceptable to pay for their own flights, that they find on their own, rather than a room in a villa – because then people start complaining about one room being better than the other and blah blah, everyone paid the same, etc. Not all the rooms are going to be master suites, bottom line. And, while I don’t think you “have” to give people a choice, if you’re going to charge them for accomodations, you probably do. But if you charge them for the flight, then no. They can choose not to come if they don’t want to stay in the villa. Just understand that not everyone is going to be psyched about the idea. I didn’t want to do it bc I didn’t think it would be fair for both sides of the family to be forced into one house together like that or for my friends to be subjected to staying with my family or FI’s family that they don’t even know. Plus, I didn’t know how to split who would pay for what room – some rooms are going to be better and I wasn’t covering the cost of everything.
For those reasons, I switched the idea to an All Inclusive resort instead. But, if you want to do it this way, why don’t you offer people $200 TOWARDS their flight – that will likely be cheaper and give you room in your budget to cover the entire villa without them pitching in and they’ll feel like you’re really doing a lot for them.
Post # 16
@futuremrsk18: Excellent advice on chipping in towards the flight and having people take care of their own accomodations. Excellent advice that saves the couple a LOT of money.