Post # 1
Fellow bees, I am in a very sad situation right now and need advice badly! I have been with my bf for a little over 1.5 years and early on I let him know my intentions if we live together I would want to be engaged after a year of living together. He is 27 and I am 24. Well we moved I’m after 2 months of dating, we have had no problems at all perfect relationship and we balance each other out. So… The only problem is we had the talk back in february andhe told me he will propose soon. Fast forward to April we are out he is feeding me lines like oh babe wouldn’t this be a great place to have a wedding reception etc. I started to get fed up with him not pulling the trigget so at this point I was bringing it up non stop also getting very upset over the entire thing too almost every couple days. He then tells me he promises to propose by 4th of July and that he visited Kay jewelers. Then he tells me a couple days ago I’m sorry but I need more time when a month ago I asked him what he needs and he said it will be soon he does not need more time. aftee he told me this I said well I don’t wanna be miserable anymore and left I am living with a friend right now. Even after I leave he srill needs time and wants me to come back but not as his fiancé as his Gf. should I wait any longer or is this guy an indecisive liar???!
Post # 2
I don’t know if he is an indecisive liar, but I certainly don’t think you should move back in with him.
He keeps putting off the engagement, so moving back in as a GF and not a fiancée might just lead to more waiting while living together.
You made it clear what you wanted, and that hasn’t happened, so I think staying BF and GF and living separately is a good idea. You can still have a timeframe, if you want. For instance, if we haven’t decided to get married in a year, we’ll go our seperate ways.
Post # 3
He honestly just sounds like he isn’t ready for marriage…that’s all. I mean, I gotta be honest…27 is pretty young for a guy to get married. Guys in their 20s alot of the time are still just not in “marriage mode”. Some guys aren’t even ready for marriage until their mid-30’s.
And you yourself are still pretty young too. You’re only 24….and you’ve only been dating the guy a year and a half. What’s the big rush? Take this time to enjoy yourself and enjoy the “boyfriend/girlfriend” phase of the relationship. Don’t get married just for the sake of getting married.
I say give the relationship more time. He sounds like he loves being with you, and wants to keep you around; he just isn’t ready for marriage. You can’t force the guy to propose to you if he isn’t ready.
Post # 4
Oops, I edited my comment and accidentally deleted a sentence. It was supposed to be the second sentence in the last paragraph.
What I meant to say was: “This (the time spent as BF and GF, but living separately) will give each of you time and space, and that will allow each of you to reflect and see if marriage is a good decision.”
Post # 5
I have to agree with the other PPs, he sounds as though he isnt ready but he doesnt want to tell you. It sounds as though he wants to give you what you want (feels pressure to propose so you dont walk away) but cant bring himself to do it, because deep down he knows thats its not something he wants at this point in time. A year and a half isnt really that long, and you guys did move in together pretty soon after you started dating. I get that you have a timeline in your head, but sometimes you have to adjust that timeline a bit if the person is truly important to you.
Post # 6
Firstly, calm down. Talking to him in Feburary, him saying “soon” and then being angry in April – that’s not ok. “Soon” for something this big does not mean 2 months! Soon means this year! You cannot save for, shop for, decide on, purchase and resize a ring in 2 months! Let alone actually plan and execute a proposal. Calm down. You are not making it fun for either of you.
I completely agree with your “engaged after 1 year of living together”, it is perfectly reasonable. HOWEVER you moved in together after only 2 months! That is not standard. After moving in together so quickly you should have talked and looked at this proposal timeline together. There is no huge rush, you aren’t 30+ and wanting to have a baby ASAP, you have time. You need to relax your timeline. You need to enjoy this time together and enjoy learning more about each other before the marriage pressure starts up. It sounds to me like you created the proposal rule and have stuck to it without really thinking about how circumstances have changed. Engaged after 1 year of living together sounds great of you’d dated for 2 years beforehand, or even 1 year beforehand, but that wasn’t the case here. You are still technically in the honeymoon period of a new relationship which can last anywher from 1-2 years.
If you keep talking about it and pressuring him you are going to suck all of the fun from it and possiblily drive him away. 1.5 years is not a long time to have dated. It really isn’t.
I’my sorry if my advice seems harsh but you need to hear some truth and come back to earth a bit. It will come in time and it will be amazing. Until then, enjoy this fleeting moment of your life of being boyfriend/girlfriend. You have the rest of your life to be husband/wife, this time is special too but it won’t be if you don’t take the time to enjoy it.
Post # 7
In my experience:
1. Very few 27 year old men are truly and genuinely ready to settle down and get married, despite what he may promise you.
2. If a man really wants to marry a woman then he will propose to her without unreasonable delay and bullshit excuses.
3. 24 is pretty young to be in a major rush to get married, especially to a wishy washy boy you’ve known for a year and a half.
Girl, you have all the time in the world to find your husband and you should be incredibly picky!!! Move on and live your life.
Post # 8
Sounds to me like you’re basically forcing him to propose instead of allowing him to do it in his own time. You haven’t even been together long, for crying out loud. Give the guy a break. He’s feeling super pressured by you, it’s no wonder he hasn’t done it yet.
Post # 9
If I were a man and my girlfriend was constantly asking about a proposal and getting upset every few days about it, id probably be turned off the idea of proposing – I’d feel forced into it and I’d never feel like I was doing it out of my own free will. Try backing off a bit and seeing what happens. Spend the energy that you are currently using to obsess about a proposal and use it towards improving your relationship.
Post # 10
have you thought about going off birth control without telling him? It may just be the push he needs.
Post # 11
So…in one breath you say you guys have a perfect relationship, yet you are miserable and wanting to end it? Time to re-evaluate.
IMHO you are putting wayyyyy too much pressure on him, way too fast. Being together a year and a half is such a short amount of time to be basically demanding he put a ring on your finger.
Even if he truly was ready for marriage, being nagged about it every few days is a sure fire way to drive him bonkers & make him resentful.
I have a feeling he isnt quite ready… and being that your relationship is still so new, I dont blame him. Try to talk to him rationally and ask how he really feels about the idea of marriage.
Post # 12
Dmamola: Honey coming from another mid-twenties waiting bee it’s time to learn to be patient. If you truly want to marry him and spend the rest of your life with him then he will be worth the wait. He clearly isn’t ready for such a big step just yet and do really want to force him to propose? It will be so much more wonderful if he does it in his own time and then you’ll know it’s what he truely wants too instead of doing it because you want him to. Waiting is so so hard, I understand that but it should be exciting thinking about what the futrue will hold. Try to put it to the back of your mind and focus on creating a happy stable relationship, without this a marriage will never work.
Post # 13
Everdeen: I totally agree.
Dmamola: Flipping out is only making things worse. Would you want to propose to someone who freaked out on you all the time and kept pushing and pushing and wouldn’t let you do it your own way? You haven’t even been together that long, it’s time to relax and allow him to do this on his own. Find something else to occupy your mind with other than dwelling on a proposal.
Post # 14
Thanks everyone I truely appreciate all the responses. I am sorry though i believe time is the most valuable thing in life it’s something you cannoy get back! I agree that I should set a timeframe in my head but should “we” set a timeframe?? Also I want everyone to know I do not believe you should need a ton of time to decide on if you know this person is the one. When you know u know. My parents got married after 4 months of dating them had me 5 years later I am thier first born. Also both my aunts got married with only short dating periods, as well as an older cousin etc. I know everyone is different but I think our society needs to chill on this you have all the time in the world thing. I mean think of it this way. So I waste another year or two with him and he never proposes that is time I can never get back and could have been with someonr who knows what he wants….anyways I feel that I can give hI’m unti. End of this year but no longer… How does everyone else think?
Post # 15
Dmamola: You are exactly right about never being able to get time back. You’ll never be able to get the time back that you have spent being miserable and pressuring your boyfriend. You should be enjoying your relationship and creating a strong bond. That is what incites marriage…not ultimatums, throwing fits, and applying pressure. If you are so worried about wasted time, I would re-consider how you are currently choosing to spend it. What you’re doing is more of a waste of time than working on building a strong foundation for marriage…
RELAX. Enjoy the moment.